Until November (Until, #1)(21)

“Hi, I'm Susan, Asher’s mom.” At the sound of her voice, I jump. I’m so caught up in Asher’s missing dimple that I forget his mom is here. She comes around the island and takes my hand in hers.

“I'm November,” I say, smiling back at her. She is very pretty. She has short, dark brown hair that is cut into a cute mom bob. Her eyes are the same color as Asher’s. She’s wearing a white button-up shirt with a large turquoise necklace, dark blue jeans and brown cowboy boots. She looks very county chic and I’m instantly in love with her. Then she grabs me into a tight hug. The instant that her arms wrap around me in a motherly hug, I want to cry.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, November,” she whispers into my hair. I hug her tighter, closing my eyes against the tears that want to escape. She steps back and hold’s me at arm’s length. “Well, you are as beautiful as everyone said you were.” I was taken off guard by her comment. I mean, my dad calls me beautiful and Asher told me that this morning, but that was in the heat of the moment. I’m not ugly but I’ve always just been cute. Even my ex-boyfriends have only ever said that I was cute and my mom never once in my life has called me beautiful.

“Thanks,” I mutter, feeling awkward. I can feel heat rise up my cheeks. She smiles brighter and turns towards Asher. They both share a smile and I feel like I’m intruding on a private moment.

“Do you like coffee?” she asks, walking back into the kitchen.

“Like is not the word I would use for how I feel about coffee,” I say. She tilts her head to the side, giving me a questioning look.

“Um… I love coffee,” I say, feeling like a dork. “I'm pretty sure that my coffee consumption alone is helping to get the United States out of debt.” I’m rambling and both she and Asher laugh. I hear scratching and look to the side. Beast has his big paw on the glass door, wanting in. I walk to the door and when I open it, Beast comes in with such force that he knocks me on my butt and starts licking me like he hasn’t seen me in weeks. I’m laughing when I look up and see Asher and his mom watching me with the same smile on their faces.

“Alright, let her up,” Asher says, pushing Beast away. He stands over me with his legs on either side of my body, looking down. “You’re too much,” he mumbles. His hands take mine to lift me off the ground. His words hit me hard for some reason. My mom used to tell me that I was too much, but every time she said it, she would get a look on her face that said she didn’t know why she even bothered with me. I didn’t want to look at Asher and see the same look on his face so let go of his hands, avoiding his eyes. I walk to the island where his mom has a cup of coffee waiting for me. I pour in some milk and add two scoops of sugar. She and Asher are both watching me. I need to get away so I can pull myself together.

“Thank you for the coffee,” I say, looking at Asher’s mom with tears clogging my throat. “I’ll be right back. I just need to get Beast’s food out of my bag.” Walking out of the kitchen and down the hall, I feel like an idiot. My mom isn’t even here and she is making me feel like crap. I’m at the door of Asher’s room when I feel an arm around my waist and I’m flying through the air. I let out a girly scream then land in the bed with Asher on top of me.

“Wh… Wha… What are you doing?” I asked, stuttering and trying to shove him off me.

“What happened back there?” he asks, holding me down. I can’t tell him that my mom has made me a total nut case so I just press my lips together, trying harder to shove him off. I didn’t want his mom to hear me scream at him that it was none of his business. “You were laughing once second and then you closed up. What happened?”

“Nothing. I just need to get Beast’s food. Now get off me,” I say, shoving at him.

“Tell me what happened. Did I hurt you?” He really looks worried.

“What?”

“When I pulled you up, did I hurt you?” he asks again, making me feel even worse.

“No, you didn’t hurt me. I'm fine now. Can you please move so I can feed my dog?” I ask, shoving him again.

“So what was it then? One minute you were rolling around on the floor with your dog, laughing. Then you looked like someone smacked you. I'm not letting you up until you tell me what happened.” I feel tears and I don’t want to cry in front of him. How can you tell someone that had an amazing mom that yours totally messed up your head.

“You wouldn’t understand,” I say because he really wouldn’t. No one could understand how it feels to have the person who is supposed to protect and guide you through life makes you feel completely worthless.

“Try me,” he whispers. His hand moves from where he was holding me down to glide through the hair at my temple. I feel tears start to fall and I try to look away but he’s holding my face in his hands and bends over to kiss each eye. “Please tell me, baby,” he whisper. I can’t help it. His voice is so soft and his warmth is all around me and I feel safe in that moment. Maybe safer than I’ve ever felt.

“My mom’s not like yours. She’s not sweet, she doesn’t hug, she doesn’t tell people that they’re beautiful, she would never make anyone coffee.” Tears are falling harder and I feel like I have sand in my throat. “I know that it’s stupid, but my whole life she has made me feel bad about myself.  My mom is abusive. Not physically, but verbally and emotionally. She has cut me down my whole life. It took me a long time to realize that what she has drilled into my head wasn’t true but those wounds are still there and they run so deep that there are times I can still feel them inside me. Even when someone makes a passing comment that anyone else would laugh at, to me, it feels like a cut.” I realize that I have my eyes closed so I open them and see that Asher looks pissed. His whole body is tight and his teeth are clenched. I started to get scared and he must have read my face. He looks into my eyes and I feel his whole body relax. His jaw unclenches and his thumb travels over my bottom lip.