Until Lilly (Until, #3)(21)

“When she first came forward saying she was pregnant, Cash was devastated about losing you.”

“What?” I repeat like an idiot.

“I mean, he didn’t say anything, but you could see it. You know?” she asks, her eyes coming to mine. I nod in understanding. I was devastated too. “But then I thought, I mean, I guess we all thought that maybe they could end up happy. Crazier things have happened, right?” She shrugs.

“I guess,” I say, feeling like a horrible person for being ecstatic that he wasn’t happily married to her right now.

“She was never happy, and did everything in her power to make him unhappy too.”

“But why?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugs again. “All I know is that the day Cash told us that he was getting a divorce, I popped a bottle of champagne.”

“Was she really that bad?”

“You don’t even know the half of it,” she says, looking out the window, watching as Cash, his dad, and Nico all stand watching as Jules flings her arms around. I can tell Cash says something to her when she looks at the glass door, her eyes on me.

“If looks could kill,” Liz says.

“Yeah. I agree.”

“Don’t worry; she’s a lot of bark, and no bite.”

“Okay,” I say, not believing it for a second. I could tell from the look on her face that this is just the beginning. I watch out the glass door as she stomps off through the yard. Cash’s head hangs low. Then Nico is there, putting his arm around his shoulders and telling him something. Then his dad is in front of him, doing the same. I watch for a while, but once Jules doesn’t come back, I go to check on the kids.



*~*~*



“Hey, baby. What are you doing?” My eyes open and Cash is standing above me wearing nothing but a pair of swim trunks. I guard my eyes against the sun, trying to get a better view of his chest and abs. The minute I move, Jax wiggles, and I remember that I have one kid napping on each side of me.

“We were reading a story.” I look down at both kids. I put sunblock lotion on them earlier, but it may be time for more. “What time is it?” I ask as Cash lays down on the other side of Ashlyn.

“A little after two.” His fingers run along the side of my face, then down and over my bottom lip. “You’re getting a little pink,” he says, running his finger over the bridge of my nose.

“Yeah, I should probably put some more lotion on, and put more on these two,” I say, running my hands over each of the kids’ heads. Cash’s face goes soft and he leans forward, kissing me softly.

“You ready to talk about my ex?” he asks, and it surprises me that he’s the one bringing it up. After she left and I found the kids, he came in to make sure that we were okay. Then he took Jax aside and talked to him. I don’t know what he said, but Jax looked so sad that I hated Jules in that moment. I don’t think any parent should talk to their child the way she spoke to Jax, or the way she talked in front of him. Her and Cash’s problems were their problems and should be discussed between the two of them, not in front of an audience, including six small children.

“I don’t know.” I shrug; I don’t know if I want to talk about his ex. The thought of him with her makes me feel sick.

“I would like to get it all out, if that’s okay with you.”

“Sure,” I say, taking a deep breath trying to prepare myself.

“I was hooking up with her before I met you.” He moves, laying on his side and propping his head in his hand. “We would hook up, but that’s all it ever was.”

“Okay.” I swallow the lump in my throat.

“The minute I met you, I stopped seeing her and any anyone else.” I nod, my eyes closing in relief. “About three months later, she calls me to tell me that she’s pregnant, and that unless I want her to get an abortion, I needed to go with her to the doctor.” I look down to make sure that both the kids are still asleep. I don’t think that this is something they should ever know. “I met her at the appointment and the doctor did an ultrasound. I saw Jax for the first time and heard his heartbeat, and I fell so deeply in love in that moment.” He takes a deep breath. “After the appointment, Jules told me that if I wanted her to keep the baby, I needed to cut everyone else off and focus on her.” He looks past me, running his hand over his mouth before his eyes come back to me. “I hated doing it, but I wanted my son. I knew that Jules wasn’t going to make it easy, but at the end of the day, if my child was healthy and happy, everything else would pale in comparison.”

“I can understand that,” I whisper, running my fingers through Cash’s hair that had fallen forward into his eyes.

“Well, you know I called you and told you I couldn’t see you anymore.” I nod, that same pain from a few years ago shooting through my chest. “She moved in with me. I wanted to keep her close; I didn’t want her to have a chance to get an abortion. I was afraid if I turned my back for a second, that’s exactly what she would do. At first, our relationship was nothing but her living in my house, and then things changed. I didn’t love her, but I cared about her, and I looked at Asher and Trevor’s relationships and they were both so happy…and I wanted that for myself. At the time, Jules was so easy to get along with. So I tried to build a relationship with her.”  I bite my lip trying not to cry; I don’t want to know this. “It never worked. Right after we got married, things changed. She changed. She turned into someone who was mean and manipulative. Or maybe she was like that before, but I was wanting what my brothers had so badly that I looked past it,” he says quietly, reaching towards me and wiping away a single tear that has made its way down my cheek. “You know, she was bad, but I'm also to blame.” He runs his thumb across my bottom lip. “I was still stuck on you, and kept comparing everything about her to you.” Oh, God, I couldn’t take anymore. I was going to start sobbing if he didn’t stop. “I will do everything in my power to keep us together and to make you fall in love with me again.” I don’t think that it’ll be that hard for him to do. My mom and dad are going to kick my ass, but I just can’t help feeling like I’m meant to be with him.