Until Harry(88)

What the hell? I thought.

I pointed my finger at him. “You walked away from me, Kale.”

“And you made damn sure of that, didn’t you, sweetheart?” he bellowed, his tone taking me by surprise. “You told me everything I wanted to hear a year too fucking late.”

“I never wanted you to look at me again the way you did the morning after we had sex, so when you told me you loved me, I lied and pushed you away to protect myself.”

“Are you kidding me?” he screamed. “Are you fucking kidding me, Lane?”

I backed away from Kale’s shaking form. He was fuming with rage.

“No!” he snarled, and shot forward into my personal space.

I wasn’t planning on leaving, but he was making sure I couldn’t even if I wanted to.

“You aren’t running away anymore,” he stated. “We’re going to hash everything out right fucking now.”

“I had to run away!” I screamed and shoved at his chest. “I couldn’t sit by and watch you play happy families with her. I couldn’t do it!”

“You didn’t give me time after that admission,” he snapped. “I realised the day after you left that I wanted you and not Drew, but you were gone, and I had a responsibility to step up with her.”

“Exactly,” I emphasised. “You had that – be thankful for it at least!”

“What the hell are you saying?” he shouted.

“If I’d told you I loved you, you wouldn’t have had Kaden!”

Kale stumbled back like I’d punched him. “Don’t you ever . . . don’t fucking ever justify your walking out on me by using my son, do you hear me?”

“I’m not justifying anything, Kale,” I said, my voice tight with emotion, “but it’s true. If I’d told you I loved you, if I’d pressed you out of your comfort zone, then Kaden would have never existed.”

Kale glared at me. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes,” I said, nodding, “I do.”

“How?” he growled.

“Because you would never have got back with Drew if you’d had me,” I whispered. “I see that now.”

Kale struggled to keep his composure. “So I’m supposed to be happy you left me? I’m supposed to be happy that I was robbed of six years with you?”

I shook my head. “No, you should be happy that I made a decision that led you to having Kaden, even if it was just for a short time, because I’m learning that having someone that special in your life is worth every second you have with them. Focus on that, focus on the time you had with Kaden, and you will be happy that you had him.”

My own words triggered something my dad had said to me the night before my uncle’s funeral. He’d said, “You can find yourself again, and possibly help Kale find peace in the process.”

“I’m realising that for myself too, Kale,” I said after a moment of laboured breathing. “It’s killing me that my uncle is gone, but I cherish all the time I had with him, every memory, every laugh and even every fight. Lavender too. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her, and I miss her every day, but it’s only because I loved her so much.”

I looked up at Kale’s glassy eyes. “I cherish every moment of our friendship before I left and lost you.” I swallowed. “But even though things hurt, Kale, if we focus on the good times, the love we have for our loved ones will outweigh the heartache we feel when we think of them. I thoroughly believe that.”

“Do you really think I can get to a point where I can be happy when I think of Kaden?” Kale asked me, his body still tensed.

“I do, and I’ll help you every step of the way, I promise.” My shoulders slumped. “You should be happy I didn’t get in the way of Kaden, Kale.”

Kale blinked at me. “You get in the way of everything, Lane.”

I frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“I can’t see past you,” he said, and shook his head. “I’ve never been able to see past you.”

I waited for him to explain.

“When Kaden was born, all I wanted was for you to be his mum so you could experience how brilliant he was right along with me. How horrible of a person does that make me? Wishing Drew was you? When I lost him, I wanted you there to make losing him easier. When I had Drew, I wanted her to be you. Every decision I make, no matter how small or stupid, is always accompanied with the thought of you. I incorporate you into everything without even meaning to do it. You’re my life. You always have been.”

Kale carefully watched me from across the room as I processed what he said.

“Want or wanted?” I whispered.

He raised his eyebrows at me. “Wh-What?”

“You wanted me, or you want me?” I asked, sucking up every ounce of courage within my body.

Kale pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning against. “Don’t ask me that unless—”

“Unless what?” I interrupted.

“Unless you’re fully prepared for my answer.”





CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Day one of forever

Worry filled me, but I didn’t care, I needed the answer.