Untamed (Thoughtless #4)(99)
Her lips flattened into a hard, thin line while her eyes narrowed into daggers. I knew that look. It meant I was so far off the mark, I was about to get verbally slapped back on target. “No, you know it’s not about the money,” she started, her voice icy. “Even when I lived in a crappy apartment and worked at Hooters, it was better than being in that fancy mansion, waited on hand and foot. I would have returned to that life in an instant if you’d asked me to. But instead of admitting defeat and returning to Washington, you lied to me. You pretended to go to work, just so you could keep living your fantasy. Don’t you see how f*cked up that is?”
She stood taller, prouder, and even though she was smaller than me, I suddenly felt dwarfed by her presence. “I didn’t want any of this. I tried to make the best of it to keep our family together, but I just can’t anymore. Our entire family isn’t together, and being here has brought us nothing but misery. I want to go back to Seattle.” She put a hand on my arm. “Call the guys, Griffin. Tell them your situation. Apologize.”
Rage and betrayal waged war within me, and I jerked my arm away from her. “Apologize? What the f*ck for? I didn’t do anything to those *s.” I pointed toward Washington, the last place I wanted to return to. “They’re the ones who f*cked me over. They’re the ones who should apologize. They’re the ones who should be begging! Not me!” They cast me aside. I can’t go back.
Her eyes started watering again, and her hands curled into frustrated fists. “You always say the guys were the ones holding you down, but you are so goddamn blind.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I challenged. I didn’t want to lash out at her, not after everything I’d done, but the guys weren’t an option. That bridge was burned long ago.
Face firm, she told me, “You hold you down. Your pride, your ego, your refusal to dig deeper and do the hard labor. That’s what holds you down. The only person you can blame here, Griffin, is you. And I’m not going to let you drag down this family any further. I’m taking the reins before you plunge us right off the cliff…if you haven’t already.”
She pointed at the space between our feet, marking a line in the sand, so to speak. “I’m captain of this team now. And as captain, I say we’re making the right decision for once, and we’re moving back to Seattle. I’ll get my old job back, and I’ll provide for the girls…alone, if I need to. Now…are you coming with us or staying here to drown?” She extended her hands, clearly offering me a chance to back down and accept her will…or cross over the line.
Something painful in my chest started expanding outward. It hurt so bad, I wished I could take a baseball bat and have her thwack me across the rib cage with it a few times. That would feel infinitely better. Breathing was hard. Standing was hard. Being in this room was hard. Fuck. This was exactly why I didn’t do relationships. ’Cause feeling this vise closing around me f*cking sucked. What do I do?
Clearing my mind, I said the first thing that came to me. “I’m not done…I can’t leave.” I can’t be done.
Anna sighed, but she didn’t look surprised. “No…you won’t leave. Your pride will be the end of you, Griffin.”
She started to move around me to get to the door. A surge of panic swept through me, and I grabbed her arms. “Dad’s got a Ping-Pong set in the garage. Let’s play to win. Let’s negotiate.”
Calmly, Anna removed my fingers from her arms. “This isn’t a game, Griffin. And I’m not negotiating this time. You lied to me, you kept me in the dark. You disrespected me and our relationship, and I’m done. I’m going home. End of discussion.”
She put her hand on the doorknob, and I put my palm against the door. “Anna…come on.”
When she looked up at me, I saw the tired defeat in her eyes. She really was done with this…done with me. The swell of panic shifted to terror. She couldn’t leave me. She and the girls were my entire world. Her hand came up to my cheek; the softness of her skin only made the hollow feeling in my gut worse. No f*cking way she was really saying goodbye. Not to me. We were a team…
“I hope it works out for you, Griffin. I really do.” A tear fell from her eye and splashed onto her cheek.
My throat tightened, my eyes stung, and a wave of pain was rolling around my stomach so hard, I felt like I was going to throw up. I hated feeling shit like this. I avoided feeling shit like this. Shoving down the agony rising within me, I hardened my face, hardened my heart, and hardened my soul.
Stepping away from the door, I put on my armor of indifference. You can’t hurt me. “Fine. Leave. Whatever. You know you’ll be running back in a week anyway.” I grabbed my junk. “I mean, who else is gonna f*ck you as well as me?”
Anna’s expression turned to ice as she wiped the tear trail off her cheek. “Thank you,” she said, her voice cold. “You just made this so much easier.”
Opening the door, she slammed it shut behind her. Now that a panel of dark wood was separating us, I screamed, “You won’t actually leave me, Anna! I know you won’t!”
When she didn’t respond, I started hyperventilating. Fuck…she was leaving me…and I was letting her go. What the f*ck was I doing?
There was hustling, bustling, and a flurry of conversations in the house, but I did my best to ignore them. It got hard to do when I heard Gibson calling my name and Anna shushing her. Sitting on the bed, I rocked back and forth with my hands covering my ears. My only defense against the onslaught of agony battling its way through me was to repeat, It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter. None of this matters.