Untamed (Thoughtless #4)(110)

Remembering some of them heckling me at Pete’s, I nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

Kiera shook her head. “No, I don’t think you do. A lot of people were mad at you for leaving, but there’s this group of Griffin hardcores…and they’re making life hell for the rest of the guys.”

That shocked the hell out of me. “I have hardcores?”

Grimacing, Kiera nodded. “Yes. And they’re very vocal and very loyal. They started harassing the guys for pushing you away.” She closed her eyes for a second as she shook her head. “It got so bad with some of them, Kellan, Evan, and Matt had to get restraining orders.” She couldn’t have surprised me more if she’d said my TV show had been resurrected from the dead.

“Restraining orders? They…they okay?”

Her eyes opened slowly, like she was dead tired. “They’re fine. It was just pretty intense for a while. But this group, they’ve spread, and now every event the guys play at has protesters. Protesting what the band did to you. There were even some at the VMAs.”

I tried to think back to the night, if I recalled anything weird, but I’d been pretty wasted when I’d arrived, so I couldn’t remember seeing anything like that. “Wow” was all I could say.

Kiera gave me a half smile. “Yeah. And when the band finally did find someone to replace you, the protestors gave the new guy such a hard time…he quit.” With a sigh, she shrugged. “Thanks to your fanatics, every single person the band has hired to replace you has quit. The band can’t move forward. They can’t tour, can’t record another album…it’s been hell.”

I stared into my coffee cup as guilt churned inside me. “I had no idea they were struggling.” Why hadn’t they called me? I knew the answer to that the instant after I thought it. Because they didn’t want to admit defeat either. We were all drowning in our f*cking pride.

Kiera sighed and I looked up at her. “Sales have dropped across the board, the band is floundering. Kellan has even mentioned disbanding…everyone going their separate ways…”

My eyes grew so wide my face started hurting. No, this wasn’t what I wanted. “They’re disbanding? Kellan can probably go solo, but Matt…Evan…what are they gonna do?” I was so worried for them, my heart started pounding harder.

Kiera’s peaceful smile made me feel a little better. So did her next words. “Denny convinced Kellan to try one more thing to replace you, so the band isn’t disbanding yet.”

Her words were bittersweet. I didn’t want the band to break apart, I really didn’t, but I wasn’t thrilled that their mission was to replace me. Feeling sullen, I asked her, “Yeah? And what’s that one thing Denny dreamed up?”

Surprising me, she laughed a little. “Ironically enough, it’s a TV show. Or a TV special, I guess I should say.” My expression must have been complete confusion, because she kept explaining. “Denny thinks that if we have a televised contest to replace you, where the fans get to vote, get to have a say, then your hardcores will be more accepting of the new person.”

My brain felt like Jell-O as I processed this new development. They were going to replace me on national TV. Kind of fitting, since that was how they lost me…

While I processed the information, Kiera softly said, “They’ve been having auditions all over the country…I’m a little surprised you haven’t heard about it.”

With a sniff, I told her, “I’ve been preoccupied.” Yeah, trying to keep my head above water was a full-time job on its own.

Kiera gave me a sympathetic smile. “Their last stop is here in Los Angeles…two weeks from now.” With a raised eyebrow, she added, “Tryouts are open to anyone. All a person has to do is show up and they’ll be given a chance.”

By the look on her face, it was clear she meant me. I could show up. I could audition. I could face the guys as a contestant looking for a job. I could start over. If I was brave enough. A conversation with my sister flashed through my tired brain.

What do I do now, Chelse?

You go after what you lost…even if you have to crawl through the mud to do it.

Since I felt like I’d been wallowing in mud ever since Anna left, crawling through it sounded easy.

I smiled at Kiera in appreciation, then gave her a small nod so she would know I understood what she was saying. “Thank you. Thank you for coming all the way down here to check on me and to tell me that. You don’t know how much I appreciate it.” Kindness and compassion of any sort was a rare commodity, something to be cherished. I understood that now.

As she looked me over, her expression turned sad. I must sound really pathetic, like a completely different person. I supposed I was. In a soft, compassionate voice, she said, “I’m sure you and Anna can fix this. She’s crazy about you.”

And I’m crazy about her. “I hope so,” I told her, looking away. Something occurred to me, and I returned my eyes to her. “Do the guys know you’re here? Telling me this?” Did they want me to audition?

Kiera shrugged. “Kellan knows. He’s the one who booked my ticket.” She winked, then she sighed. “I don’t think he’s telling the others though. He doesn’t want to put any pressure on you.”

I nodded. That was nice of him. Not surprising…Kellan was a good guy. “Thanks. Does…does Anna know you’re here?”