Unseen Messages(168)

I rubbed at the bleeding hole where my heart used to be, eaten by my feral tears.

The captain followed my movement, ignoring his question for another. “Are you uncomfortable in the nightgown? I’m sorry it’s slightly too big. That was all the on board gift shop had in stock.”

Glancing down, I read the P&O cruise logo on the frilly collar around my décolletage (not that my boobs had cleavage after so many years).

“It’s—it’s fine.” I swallowed against the bitterness of bereavement. “I’m grateful for what you’ve done.”

Biting. Biting. Tearing. Tearing.

The tears grew and grew.

“I’ll have a selection sent to your room. Dresses and what-not.” The captain cleared his throat. “I hope you don’t mind that we didn’t launder your bathing suit. We decided it was probably past its use-by-date.”

Yes, I do. They’re memories. Not clothing.

How many times had Galloway undone those bows and made love to me?

How many times had I slipped from the black swimwear to swim beneath the moonlight bare?

I looked at the floor. “No, I don’t mind.”

“I’ll make sure more clothes for your children are sent up, too.” The captain shuffled in place. For the director and man in charge of such a vessel, he seemed nervous around me.

Was I that wild? That savage?

Apologise for hurting his men.

It took so much effort, but I said, “I—I need to thank you, Captain Keung. Thank you for finding my family. I’m sorry for hurting your crew.”

“Don’t worry about it. Gave them plenty to talk about.” He winked. “Not every day we head to an uninhabited island and find locals.”

I cracked a smile. It was what he expected. Even if it cost me everything.

Locals.

That was what we’d become.

And now, we’d been ripped from our home without a choice.

This wasn’t a rescue.

It was a kidnapping.

Achy tears bruised my eyes. I struggled to hide my sob-filled sigh. “Sir...please. I’m very grateful to you. And I can’t tell you what a relief it is to have medical assistance after so long. But...there’s something...someone—”

I couldn’t finish.

My knees gave out, and I pooled to the polished wooden floor of the bridge. The wood was so glossy it mirrored my large, aching eyes brimming with stupid, hurtful, angry, disbelieving tears.

He left me.

He left me.

I hadn’t had time to grieve.

I’d had to make a choice: stay with Galloway or save our daughters. He’d made me put him second best.

And because of that, I never got to say goodbye.

“I never...I never got to say goodbye!” I couldn’t look up. I couldn’t make eye contact with the milling crew in the operating tower. I couldn’t glance at Stefan, and I definitely couldn’t look at the captain.

If I did, I didn’t know if I’d die from the cracking, wrenching sorrow inside or kill him. I wanted to kill him for taking me from the man I loved.

I wanted to smite everyone with hurricanes and helicopter crashes for ever giving me a lover and then stealing him so swiftly.

I didn’t get to say goodbye!

I wasn't over Conner’s death.

And now, I had to deal with Galloway’s, too.

I...I couldn’t do it.

My torso fell forward, my arms wrapped around me, and my forehead bowed on the lacquered floor.

I sobbed.

I screamed.

I sounded like a typhoon.

The captain ducked to his haunches, patting my shoulder blades.

It only made me worse.

A strong but kind hand pulled my chin up, forcing me to look at him. Stefan shook his head. “That’s why you're so unhappy. That’s why you want to go back?”

I bared my teeth, wrenching my face from his hold. “Yes! He’s there. Just lying there. He’s dead and I didn’t bury him. The ants...God, the ants...they’ll take him from me. I can’t...I can’t let that happen! Don’t you see? He has to be with the turtles. He has to be set free. I didn’t set him free!”

My garbled nonsense interspersed with ugly, ugly tears.

But I didn’t care.

Just as I didn’t care about my physical self, I didn’t care how deranged I came across to these men. I knew what I meant. And Galloway, if his soul was chained to his dead body, he knew, too. He’d know I’d abandoned him. That I ran away without telling him I love him.

Oh, God!

My sobs became a wail.

I didn’t tell him I love him!

I clutched Stefan’s shirt. “Please! I have to go back. I can’t do this. I have to tell him how much I loved him. How much I do love him. Please! You can’t do this.”

The captain shared a worried look. “Is she unwell, Stefan? I thought we’d explained all of this last night.”

Unwillingly, I sank into Stefan’s embrace, hating the way he rocked me. I didn’t want his sympathy or attempts at compassion.

I want Galloway.

And unless I could have him, I didn’t want anything anymore. I didn’t want to live another day. I didn’t want to breathe another breath without him in my world.

“We did, sir. But the trauma has hidden much of what occurred yesterday. She needs to go on medication and high-strength vitamins to boost her deficiencies. But she refused. The kids behaved, but we couldn’t get her cooperation. No matter that we told her the truth. She didn’t believe us then. And she doesn’t believe us now.”