Unravel(18)

There was nothing consensual about what I was seeing.

Lana’s eyes were squeezed shut as the man grunted like an animal as he moved in and out of her. His free hand gripped her hip and it wasn’t out of love. It was to keep her in place.

I was detached from my body. Watching myself frozen in place. What was I doing? MOVE! One foot in front of the other. How hard was that? But I couldn’t. It was like I was in quicksand and stuck in place, and slowly sinking as I watched the scene unfold.

I’d always assumed, that in a moment of panic, I would react swiftly and rationally. I would use my brain. My emotions would shut down and I would draw from the adrenaline coursing through my body to get through it all.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I glanced around frantically at the house. I need to get my phone, I thought to myself. No. I needed to run to the back door and get help. I couldn’t settle on a single thing to do.

I closed my eyes. Tears streamed down my face. I went to cover my ears, to block out all the noises but the sounds had stopped.

The silence was deafening. I was afraid to open my eyes. When I did, the man turned to face me. He didn’t look my way. His shirt was loose. His pants were unzipped, showing his flaccid dick. I recoiled from that visual. God, I wish I knew how to use a gun. I would aim it right between his legs.

Lana was slumped against that wooden beam. Her pants were still around her ankles. He was breathing heavily while Lana kept her gaze on the ground. He leaned down and his knees made a popping noise. Out of everything I saw tonight, I flinched at that action.

He laughed, and it was filled with so much hate and rage. “You know I’m the only f*cking person that truly loves you, right?” he said.

Lana stayed silent. He jerked her hair tightly by the root, until she was looking at him. She stared at him with rigid composure. Her eyes were void and I realized, in that moment, that she was used to this treatment.

His voice rose as he stared down at her. “Right?” He tugged and her skull hit the beam.

“You’re right,” Lana croaked. She cleared her throat and started over. “You’re right. You’re right. I know. I’ll be good,” she whispered like a little girl.

He nodded once before he zipped his pants up and walked toward the open door.

I panicked. Fear made me turn and move on shaky legs. Fear made my heart speed up until I was panting for breath. I ran around the corner of the barn. My back rested against the wood. My hands were placed on my bent knees. I felt like I was seconds away from losing my dinner.

Gravel crunched loudly, and I held my breath, straining to hear his movements. Finally, I heard the screen door shut. I waited until it finally felt safe to move before I ran back to the barn. Lana was still sitting, but now her jeans were buttoned up. She clutched her jacket together with one hand and rested her forehead against her knee. Her entire body shook violently before she leaned sideways and threw up. The sounds coming from her made me cringe. When there was nothing left in her stomach, she sat up and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

I stepped into the entryway. “Lana?”

Her head shot up and the pole light right outside the door brought light inside the dark barn, enough that I could see the wet streaks on her cheeks.

I walked closer and she stood, albeit on shaky legs, and turned to stare at an empty horse stall.

“Are you okay?” I whispered.

The look on her face and the hunch of her shoulders made me want to run forward and hold on to her as tightly as I could.

She wiped her cheeks and gave me a shaky smile. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Like a dummy, I stood there, staring at her blankly. Were we going to pretend that everything was okay? I turned back toward the house, making sure no one was watching us. I kneeled beside her.

“Lana, I saw everything,” I whispered.

A loud hiccup was her only reaction.

I repeated myself. This time, with heavy emphasis.

A painful groan tore from her throat and it seemed like years went by before she slowly nodded. It was her only acknowledgement to the situation.

“We need to get you to the hospital,” I said.

“No!” she rushed out.

“What do you mean, no?”

Stubbornly, she shook her head. “I’m not going.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not going to change a thing.”

“Yes, it will! It will never happen again.”

“But it will,” she said very quietly.

She finally looked at me. I saw her fear and I saw the humiliation.

I had so many questions. How long has this been going on? Does your mom know? Why didn’t you tell me?

And I had to keep them all to myself; Lana could barely breathe, let alone talk.

I stood up. I dragged all ten fingers through my hair in frustration and paced back and forth.

Processing everything was like swallowing glass. Painful. So painful.

I turned and my words burst from my chest like a bullet releasing from the chamber. “He’s your dad,” I said brokenly.

My knees gave out. I sat next to Lana. My shoulder touched hers. I could feel her pain as if it was my own. And it was so heavy and so consuming that a sob tore from my throat. Lana was crying into her hands. I felt useless, like I couldn’t do a damn thing to ease her pain.

She continued to cry and I turned my head to stare at her family’s beautiful house. My teeth were grinding together and my eyes narrowed. Not a damn thing? Logic whispered. Fight for her. Fight since no one else will.