Unexpected Eva (Triple Trouble #3)(86)

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Didn’t I?”

“Nope. Did you love her?” I ask again.

“Fascinated and infatuated to begin with, yes. Love? No. Her disregard for Linc, lack of love and care for him, and sheer lack of consideration for anyone else but herself exposed her ugly traits, and there was no way I could have loved her. Like nature, as we get older, wiser, we change, transform, but she never did.”

“I’m guessing you don’t speak to her anymore. I overheard Lincoln say it’s been twelve years since he’s heard from her.”

“No.”

“That’s a long time.”

“She’s not interested.”

“I personally don’t understand that. But I have never been in Olivia's position. I miss my boys, even now. I like knowing everything about them. I even texted my mom when I was in the bathroom getting changed to make sure they went to sleep early.”

“Did they?”

“Did they hell. My dad bought a candy floss making machine.”

“Bouncing off the ceiling?” His eyes are full of amusement.

“If my dad wants to be up all night with them, he only has himself to blame.” I giggle, lacing my fingers together, resting them against my belly. I go back to Olivia. I find the whole thing intriguing. Baffling, actually.

“Do you know where Olivia is now?” I twiddle my thumbs.

“I don’t. No.”

How well this will go down, I don’t know, but I say it anyway. “Have you ever considered that she wasn’t running away from you but running toward something else because she couldn’t face the enormity of being a teenage mother? She was a baby herself, too. And we all handle life in different ways. Look at Ewan and me, for instance. Our lives couldn’t be more different. We both made different choices. I think Olivia’s choices were fear, Knox. It’s what drove her away. Not you. Or Linc. Does she move frequently?”

“Yeah.”

“Classic fear-based behavior. She avoids life. Responsibilities. Looking on, watching others, seeking what others have and thinking that will make her happy, when in fact what she already had was what would have made her happy all along. If she’d stayed put, she may have seen that. But hindsight is a wonderful thing.”

“I love the way you look at things. You look at everything from a different perspective. You should have been a counselor.” He takes my hand in his and threads our fingers together.

“I’ve read a lot since me and Ewan separated. Olivia said yes to fear and no to love. It sounds simple, but we all do it. We make choices based on fear or love.”

“I think I’ve done that in the past.”

“Yeah?” I smirk.

He nods.

“And now?” I quiz.

“Still shitting myself about what your father will say. One hundred percent fearful.”

That's not what I was asking him.

His default emotional setting is fear. Not expressing himself or telling people how he feels. Or me how he feels.

It feels real is what he told Lincoln. He’s scared to tell me, afraid of old pain.

Regardless of him not saying the words, I feel it. I feel the same way he does.

It feels real to me too.

But he needs more time.

“How would you feel if maybe we wait until after the wedding to tell everyone about us? Tell everyone, including Ella, so I don’t have to tell her over the phone. Ella and Fraser come back from their honeymoon a few days before Christmas, then it’s New Year’s. It’s a busy time of year.”

“If that’s what you want.” He blinks. “I have the Winter Ball coming up. I will not be able to see you much either. We have the members’ only bar on the top floor being remodeled too. After the ball would work. We could maybe go away on vacation together.”

We do need more time. I want more sacred time with him, to show him I’m not going anywhere.

And I love the sound of a vacation.

“Great idea. When do you ever relax, Mr. Black?”

“I’m relaxing now.”

“This evening has been stressful, Knox. Hardly relaxing.”

“True. My heart can’t take another evening of my son seeing my girlfriend in her underwear.”

I throw my hands over my face, then fall sideways into him. “I will never live that down.” My words are muffled by his shoulder. “I nearly died of embarrassment.”

“Or hypothermia. Your nipples looked cold. Or were they happy to see me?”

I squeal. “Stop it.”

Knox lets out a deep, rich laugh and swaddles me in his giant arms.

“You looked sexy as fuck in that getup. Promise me you will dress up for me another night. And planned. No more surprises.” He kisses the top of my head.

“Deal,” I mumble, cuddling up to him.

“Lincoln said Ewan has been hanging around outside the side entrance of his house. He thinks you’re seeing Linc.”

“He does. He’s already mentioned it a couple of times.” I never told Knox that, though.

“Let him think whatever the hell he wants to. For now.”

“Okay.” Sounds like a good plan.

For the next hour, we lie together on the sofa and watch an episode of our favorite car restoration show.