Unexpected Eva (Triple Trouble #3)(59)

With my hands looped around Knox’s neck, I look at him with admiration and alarm.

“We've always told Hamish to keep it as our secret because you would go crazy if you knew we took him on the quads to race.”

“He’s never told me.” My child can’t keep a burp in. Gosh knows how he managed to keep this a secret.

“I think he knows he would lose his hot chocolate on a Monday.”

“With marshmallows?”

“And cream.”

“Yeah, that would be why,” I whisper softly. “How long have you been doing this for?”

“Since you separated from Ewan. I wanted to cheer him up. He told me one day he missed his daddy.”

Astonished, I can’t think of anything to say. My heart aches for my sweet boy.

“It’s the best part of my week, being with Hamish.”

As if I didn’t think my heart could take any more, he then says, “He’s a lovely kid. And it made me feel closer to you.” His voice is calm.

“When did things change, Knox? Your attraction to me? I asked you last night. You said two years ago. But when?”

He’s resistant at first, but then he says, “It was one afternoon on the beach. The sun was shining. I was walking Sam. You were alone. Barefoot. You had on a bright-yellow sundress. You stopped, looking out to sea, lost in your thoughts. And for a brief moment, the clouds covered the sun. Everything went gray, and when they finally parted like a ray of light, the sun shone down on you. I can’t explain what happened. But I saw you.”

He saw me. How incredibly beautiful.

“I wanted you, Eva. I felt a change. Something happened to me. I was so mad at myself.”

“Why?”

“Because it was wrong of me to want you. To see you that way. You were, are, my friend’s daughter. Fourteen years my junior. You’re only three years older than Linc. It felt wrong. And you were married too.”

“So what changed? Why did you ask me to stay with you on the weekend?”

I want to know.

“Impatience. Longing. Deep knowing that you’re… I don’t know.” He runs his lean fingers through his dark hair. “I’m not good at talking about my feelings.”

“You’re doing a great job so far.” I kiss him tenderly. “Can you let me finish for you?”

He nods dubiously. “Yeah.”

“Where you struggle to find the words, I don’t. When you back off, I lean in. When you push me away, I will gravitate toward you. I’ll be the yin to your yang. Because life is full of contrasts, Knox, and that’s exactly what you and I are. Opposites. You have to feel pain sometimes to enjoy the pleasure. Other times you have to take a leap of faith to reap the benefits, and sometimes you have to admit, give in to your inner being, listen, and tune in when something feels so aligned, even when you fight with yourself that it feels wrong. Because destiny can’t be avoided. Not if you feel a powerful pull toward the unknown and it feels like it’s your life path.”

Astounded by my words, he remains still.

He eventually says, “Is that how you feel, Eva? Like I’m your destiny?”

This is quite a deep conversation for a Thursday morning before the sun has even risen, but he needs an answer. So do I.

“Answer me first. What I described, is that how you feel?”

He stalls.

“It’s okay to admit how you feel, Knox. It’s what makes us human. Feeling.”

“I do,” he says quietly. “I feel a deeper bond with you than I have ever felt with anyone else before.”

“It’s intense. Instant.” I’m not asking a question.

“Yeah.”

“Undeniable.”

“Yeah.”

“Scary as hell.”

“Scared shitless.”

“It’s okay to be scared. I am too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” I say firmly. “I have played every scenario out in my head of how, when, and what we tell our family and friends, and if I’m not ready, I’m not sure they are.” I let out a faint laugh, then squeeze this physically strong man in my arms. Emotionally, he’s fragile. Although he would never admit that to anyone.

“You don’t have to tell me. For me to know you’ve had your heart broken, Knox. That you don’t trust easily and that you’re scared and you hold back. You promised me you would be my earth, moon, and stars. I believe you. I trust you and I will be your sunshine, but you have got to let me in. I will never be dishonest. I will never cheat on you, and I will never break your heart. I’ve never serial dated. I’ve been with only one other man my whole life and I took a marriage vow through sickness and health. I meant those words, but he broke my heart because he didn’t love or cherish me as he vowed to do. My love wasn’t strong enough to keep us together. We weren’t aligned. But you were right.” I smile. “My boys were the best thing to ever happen to me. They were the reason Ewan and I married. Like Lincoln was for you and…”

He finishes my sentence. “Olivia. Lincoln’s mother is named Olivia.”

Olivia. Finally, a name.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” I reassure him with a soft smile.

“I haven’t said her name out loud in a very long time,” he says with quiet emphasis.