Under the Northern Lights(47)

After long, agonizing seconds, Michael finally responded to my statement, and his answer wasn’t anything like what I’d been expecting. “Okay,” he simply said.

I blinked in surprise. “Okay?” What did that mean? What was he agreeing to? What about me leaving—what about his feelings for his long-gone wife? How far were we taking this? And just what was “this” now? My heart started surging with hope and happiness as I waited for clarification.

A small smile crossed Michael’s lips as my bewilderment flew out of control. “Okay, yes, we won’t fight this . . . but . . .” He frowned, and my momentary thrill diminished. “This is going to sound crass, but I can’t have sex with you. With the way I still feel about . . . my wife . . . and with you going home soon, I just . . . I can’t go there. I hope you understand.”

Endorphins flooded me, and I couldn’t contain my smile. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I coyly told him, “I was asking for your heart, Michael, not your body.”

A charming flush brightened his cheeks, but then he sighed. “I don’t know if I can go there either, Mallory.”

I understood completely, but still, a part of me was disappointed. “You can try, though, right?”

“Trying is about all I can do,” he said with a brief smile. “But I can’t promise you . . . anything.”

“Whatever you can give, I’ll take. Just don’t hide from me. Don’t leave me alone in this.”

Threading my fingers through his thick hair, I pulled him into me as close as I could. Michael sighed, then lowered his forehead to mine. “You know we’re making a mistake, don’t you?”

I did, but I still couldn’t stop myself from doing it. In answer to his question, I angled my head and found his mouth. As our lips moved together, that same feeling of rightness and sadness washed over me. Knowing this was going to be short lived made it bittersweet, intense in a way I’d never felt before. I felt my heart opening to a point where it was nearly painful, and I hoped Michael felt it too. He deserved to feel love again, even it was just for a moment.

Wanting to feel closer to him, like we’d been in that snow cave, I pulled him to my bed. He went freely, even letting out a soft laugh as we landed on the moss mattress, but I could feel the tension in his body. He didn’t want this to go too far. I didn’t either.

“It’s okay,” I murmured. “I just want to kiss you.” His body melted into mine after I reassured him that I wasn’t trying to break his one rule. Then we readjusted ourselves so we were lying side by side.

Our breakfast was forgotten as we reveled in the bliss of each other’s embrace. His strong hands felt along my body, and my smooth fingers traced his curves. He was smiling between kisses, and I finally saw true joy in his eyes. As much as he’d been avoiding this, he’d wanted it too. We were both finally content.

His beard tickled my face as we kissed, and with a laugh, I playfully pushed him away. “Can I finally cut this? At least trim it into a more manageable . . . piece of art.”

Michael laughed as he leaned in for my mouth. “As long as you keep kissing me, you can do whatever you want.”

God, I loved how that sounded. And felt. As our lips languidly connected, I thought I could kiss this man forever. “Okay . . . after . . . this . . .”

He laughed, deep in his throat, then kissed me deeper, harder. Something flared inside me, an inferno of desire and need, and I returned his kiss just as hungrily as he sought mine. His lips wandered from my mouth to find my neck, and the fire inside me tripled. His free hand was resting near my hip, and I thought I might die if he didn’t do more than kiss me.

But no, we weren’t going there. And that meant this needed to stop, right now.

“Michael,” I breathed, my words laced with desire.

“Yeah,” he whispered in my ear, stoking the blaze inside me.

“I think we should go have breakfast now.” Food was about the last thing I wanted, but I needed to cool down.

Michael pulled back to stare at me. “You finally get me to agree to kiss you, and now you want me to stop?”

Grabbing his hand, I placed it over my racing heart. “No, I don’t want you to stop . . . and that’s why you have to.” I smiled so he would know that I was still happy about all of this.

He grinned in return, then leaned down to give me a chaste kiss on the cheek. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to tease you.” As he pulled back again, his expression grew more serious. “I want this to work for both of us, Mallory. If it’s too . . .”

“I know,” I said with a nod. “That’s why I let you know you needed to stop. We can do this, Michael. It’s going to be fine. It’s going to be better than fine, because we’re finally on the same page. And if it gets to be too much—for either of us—then we can stop anytime.”

He flashed me a brief smile, then stood from the bench and helped me to my feet. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him tight, and softly let my lips collide with his. The spark of desire was still there, goading me for more, but the pure ecstasy I felt when I was just lightly kissing him was enough to calm the urge inside me. We could stop ourselves, we could keep this light and romantic, and when the time was right, we could say goodbye and hold the memory of this moment deep within our hearts. Forever sealing it in place with every tender touch. No matter what happened from here on out, I would never be able to forget this man. Brief as it might be, I would cherish this memory for the rest of my life.