Unbreakable(9)

“That’s not an answer.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “Of course I’m attracted to you. Like I just said, you’re pretty. I’m sure lots of guys find you attractive. What’s the big deal?”

“It’s just that all of this seems different because we’re alone. It feels intimate. I’m…” She takes a deep breath. “I’m attracted to you too, Will.”

My heart knocks hard against my ribs, and I launch myself upright. I’ve completely lost the ability to play it cool after hearing her admit that.

It means the shiver I’d felt when I put my arms around her earlier today hadn’t just been in my head. I’d caused that reaction.

I’m both vindicated and totally freaked out. I’ve carried a torch for this girl for over three years. Knowing she feels something too, even if it’s just simple physical attraction, destroys me. It’s not like I can do anything about it. And I definitely can’t encourage it.

Emmy places her hand on my stomach, and I freeze. I’m helpless as I watch her slim fingers trace along my abs, slowly moving across the soft, dark-blond hair that disappears under my sleep pants.

“I know I said that I wanted to find a guy up here and hook up. But Will, why can’t that guy be you? I’d feel so much better if it was you. I trust you completely.”

My dick springs to life once again, and this time, there’s no hiding it, not with her hand so close and moving lower.

“That’s not a good idea,” I manage, my voice straining.

“Why not? We’re both adults, and we’re attracted to each other.” Her eyes hold a naughty gleam as her gaze drops to the front of my pants. “That much is obvious. So what’s the harm?”

What’s happening right now is everything that I’ve ever wanted and feared rolled into one.

Somehow, I find the strength to reach down and remove her hand from my stomach before it goes any lower.

That’s a pretty big deal, because I want her to touch me more than I even want air. I’m desperate for her to slide her hand under my sleep pants. I f*cking need her hand on my cock. I want her above me, under me, and next to me. Years of pent up desire are totally screwing with my head right now.

“The big deal is that we’re friends,” I croak. I clear my throat and try again. “Do you actually think that we could ever go back to being friends after we’ve had sex? Not to mention the fact that your brother would f*cking kill me.”

Emmy sits up and crosses her arms. “Sully doesn’t have a say in who I see or what I do, no matter what he thinks. Do you know he threatened Aidan during Christmas dinner?”

I think back to how Aidan came out of that room, pale and shaking. I don’t want to be on the other side of Sully’s wrath.

“Sully’s my best friend and my teammate. I’m not going to betray him like that. And the fact of the matter is that I can’t risk losing either one of you over something like this, Em. I’m closer to you guys than I am to anyone in the world since my parents died. You know I’ve got no other family. There’s too much for me to lose.”

“So you do think of me like family,” she accuses.

“No.” I drag my hands down my face. “That’s not what I mean. I see you as someone I can’t risk losing over a few nights of sex. Even if it was amazing, mind-blowing sex. Can’t you understand that?”

A sad look crosses her face, but she gives a reluctant nod. “Yeah, I guess I do.” A moment passes before she asks, “Do you really think it would be amazing sex?”

She rolls onto her side and props herself up on her elbow.

“Oh, yeah.” I reach over and trace my thumb along her jaw. “It would be f*cking incredible, Sunshine.”

I quickly pull my hand away. No matter what I said, I still don’t trust my resolve enough to keep touching her.

“Oh, Will.” Her breath hitches once, then again before she bows her head. Her long brown hair falls over her cheek, hiding her beautiful face.

I nearly come apart hearing those sweet little breaths and my name on her lips. Telling her “no” goes against everything I feel. I want to do what’s right, but it’s Emmy, dammit.

Em lifts her head, and her eyes are misty. “I promise you won’t lose me, Will. Ever. I need you in my life. You know that.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. Christ, this is brutal.

“I know, but I need to make sure that never happens. I can’t say yes. No matter how attracted I am to you, I can’t say yes. I’m sorry.”

She turns away, and the disappointed look on her face haunts me.

I lie awake in the darkness, staring out at the moon through the skylight. Twenty minutes later, her breathing goes soft and even, and I know she’s finally fallen asleep.

Having to turn down the girl I adore kills me. Knowing that she wants me as much as I want her gives me a spark of hope.

Hope, that traitorous bitch of an emotion, whispers that maybe I can figure out a way to make everything work out. That maybe I can really have it all, and with little consequence.

But I cut off Hope’s eternally optimistic attitude at the goddamn knees.

After I’d been informed that my parents were killed in the plane crash, Hope had shown her ugly face then, too. Hope whispered that it couldn’t be true. That it must have been some other family’s private plane that had crashed into that field.