Ugly Love(21)

My mom tilts her head in confusion. So do I. So does Miles.
“What do you mean?” she says. Her eyes immediately grow wide, though. “Oh! I’m so sorry. That’s what I get for being nosy.” She says the last part of her sentence like she just came to some realization that I still haven’t come to.
She’s apologizing to Miles now. She’s embarrassed.
Still confused.
“Am I missing something?” my dad asks.
My mother points her fork at Miles. “He’s gay, honey,” she says.
Um . . .
“Is not,” my dad says firmly, laughing at her assumption.
I’m shaking my head. Don’t shake your head, Tate.
“Miles isn’t gay,” I say defensively, looking at my mother.
Why did I say that out loud?
Now Corbin looks confused. He looks at Miles. A spoonful of potatoes is paused in midair in front of Miles, and his eyebrow is cocked. He’s staring at Corbin.
“Oh, shit,” Corbin says. “I didn’t know it was a secret. Dude, I’m so sorry.”
Miles lowers his spoonful of mashed potatoes to his plate, still eyeing Corbin with a perplexed look about him. “I’m not gay.”
Corbin nods. He holds up his palms and mouths, “I’m sorry,” like he didn’t mean to reveal such a big secret.
Miles shakes his head. “Corbin. I’m not gay. Never have been and pretty sure I never will be. What the hell, man?”
Corbin and Miles are staring at each other, and everyone else is watching Miles.
“B-but,” Corbin stutters. “You said . . . one time you told me . . .”
Miles drops his spoon and covers his mouth with his hand, stifling his loud laughter.
Oh, my God, Miles. Laugh.
Laugh, laugh, laugh. Please think this is the funniest thing that’s ever happened, because your laugh is also so much better than Thanksgiving dinner.
“What did I say to you that made you think I was gay?”
Corbin sits back in his chair. “I don’t remember, exactly. You said something about not being with a girl in more than three years. I just thought that was your way of telling me you were gay.”
Everyone is laughing now. Even me.
“That was more than three years ago! This whole time, you’ve thought I was gay?”
Corbin is still confused. “But . . .”
Tears. Miles has tears he’s laughing so hard.
It’s beautiful.
I feel bad for Corbin. He’s kind of embarrassed. I do like how Miles thinks it’s funny, though. I like that it didn’t embarrass him.
“Three years?” my dad says, still stuck on the same thought I’m still kind of stuck on.
“That was three years ago,” Corbin says, finally laughing along with Miles. “It’s probably been six by now.”
The table slowly grows quiet. This embarrasses Miles.
I keep thinking about that kiss in the bathroom earlier and how I know for a fact it hasn’t been six years since he’s been with a girl. A guy with a mouth as possessive as that one knows how to use it, and I’m sure it gets used a lot.
I don’t want to think about it.
I don’t want my family thinking about it.
“You’re bleeding again,” I say, looking down at the blood-soaked gauze that’s still wrapped around his hand. I turn to my mother. “Do you have any liquid bandage?”
“No,” she says. “That stuff scares me.”
I look at Miles. “After we eat, I’ll check it,” I say.
Miles nods but never looks at me. My mother asks me about work, and Miles is no longer the center of attention. I think he’s relieved about that.
? ? ?

I turn off my light and crawl into bed, not sure what to make of today. We never spoke again after dinner, even though I spent a good ten minutes redressing his wound in the living room.
We didn’t speak through the entire process. Our legs didn’t touch. His finger didn’t touch my knee. He didn’t even look up at me. He just watched his hand the entire time, focused on it like it would fall off if he looked away.
I don’t know what to think about Miles or that kiss. He’s obviously attracted to me, or he wouldn’t have kissed me. Sadly, that’s enough for me. I don’t even care if he likes me. I just want him to be attracted to me, because the liking can come later.
I close my eyes and try to fall asleep for the fifth time, but it’s pointless. I roll onto my side and face the door just in time to see the shadow of someone’s feet approach it. I watch the door, waiting for it to open, but the shadows disappear, and footsteps continue down the hall. I’m almost positive that was Miles but only because he’s the only person on my mind right now. I release a few controlled breaths in order to calm myself down enough to decide whether I want to follow him. I’m only on the third breath when I hop out of bed.
I debate brushing my teeth again, but it’s only been twenty minutes since I last brushed them.
I check my hair in the mirror, then open my bedroom door and walk as quietly as I can into the kitchen.
When I round the corner, I see him. All of him. He’s leaning against the bar, facing me, almost like he was expecting me.
God, I hate that.
I pretend it’s just a coincidence that we ended up here at the same time, even though it’s midnight. “Can’t sleep?” I walk past him to the refrigerator and reach for the orange juice. I take it out, pour myself a glass, then lean against the counter across from him. He’s watching me, but he doesn’t answer my question.
“Are you sleepwalking?”