Two Kinds Of Truth(70)

I press the button that will take me to the second floor, my heart pounding like a drum, convinced they’ll have me attached to a heart monitor the second I enter ITU. Then the doors open and I hurry along the corridor, my eyes searching for a member of staff who can help me. I head for the nurses’ station and am relieved to see the ward manager sitting at the desk, filling in paperwork.

She glances up and gives me a hesitant smile when our eyes meet.

“Oh, Mrs McKinley; please go on through. Your husband’s already at your grandfather’s bedside.” The pressure in my chest tightens. It all now feels so real, as if I’ve fallen from one of those high-limbed apple trees I’ve seen growing close to the farm. I can’t bring myself to ask the question that’s perched on the edge of my tongue, too busy fighting the bile that’s rising into my throat, and so I hurry on past.

The curtains around Alasdair’s bed are closed, and I stop dead in my tracks, rooted to the spot as the room takes a slow, sickening spin. I cannot move and my vision blurs.

Then there’s the swoosh of curtains being flung back and I see Jamie, not Callum, standing there. My eyes flit from his face to granda’s, and I let out a heart-wrenching cry and run over to the bed. Alasdair is sitting up, sipping water from a beaker.

“You’re all right,” I cry, astounded, and reach out for his hand. His calloused fingers are warm to the touch and there’s colour in his cheeks. “You had us all worried,” I chastise, and his fingers tighten around mine.

“Aye, lassie. Well, I’m a bit weak after my ordeal, but I’m not ready to meet my maker just yet.”

I glance over at Jamie, but he won’t look at me. “Could I have a word with you, please? Alone,” and Jamie finally turns towards me and I can see the hurt, the fear, that flickers behind his eyes.

“Aye, but you’d best be quick. I’ve got to get back. I’ve work to do.”

I bend over and peck Alasdair on the cheek. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be back in five,” I promise.

Jamie and I both head over to the relatives’ room and I go and stand by the small sliver of glass they call a window, peering in. The place is empty, so I pull at the door handle and make my way inside.

“Close the door behind you,” I say as Jamie enters, my back still to him.

I hear the click of the latch, and when I turn, Jamie’s only inches from me. His shoulders are hunched and the light in his eyes has diminished.

“What you did was wrong,” I say.

He looks up at me then, his eyes wide with alarm.

“How many times do I have to tell ye? I dinnae do anything,” he protests before letting out a deep sigh and dropping into one of the plastic chairs. “Callum kept on and on at me, begging and pleading, until I lost my resolve. I could see how much a bairn meant to ye, and after what ye told me, and seeing ye with Findlay, I couldnae deny ye a chance to be a mother.”

“But the implications… If you’d gone through with it, it would have been classed as ra—”

“Aye, I realise that now, but I dinnae at the time. All I wanted was to help ye.”

“What? By pretending to be my husband? By taking advantage of me and having sex without my knowledge?”

Jamie’s voice starts to rise. “You’re making it sound sordid. What I was willing to do was out of love for ye both, not through some depravity on my part.”

“And I’m supposed to thank you for trying to deceive me?”

Jamie jumps to his feet and takes a bold step closer, his face now inches away from my own.

“I told ye I couldnae go through with it. Seeing ye lying there, ye looked beautiful and seductive, yet I wanted more. I wanted ye desperately, Maddie, but I also needed ye to give yourself to me willingly.”

“So, you think I should just swoon at your feet and forget the whole thing because you had my best interest at heart? Is that it?”

“Nah, of course not. But what I am asking for is yir forgiveness. I’m sorry, Maddie; truly. I ne’er meant to hurt ye. I know how much ye want a family and I thought maybe, just maybe, I could give ye what ye desired.”

I bite my lip.

“And giving me a child was your sole driving force, the only reason you were willing to go ahead with Callum’s ridiculous plan?”

“Aye, I somehow got sucked in. I guess losing Claire and having no family of my own made me realise what it’s like to live a half-life. To just exist.”

I stare into his eyes. They’re open and honest and I can’t be angry with him a moment longer. My fury deflates and Bridget’s voice rings loudly in my ears: “Whatever mistakes Jamie’s made, they were all for you. Because he loves you”.

I take a deep breath. “All right, I forgive you,” I whisper, and he lets out a cry and sweeps me into his arms. His lips crush down on mine and his body presses ever closer. I sense his hunger and suffer a moment of longing, wanting to be devoured by him.

“I love ye, Maddie,” he breathes in my ear, and a delicious tingle fills the pit of my stomach.

“And I you,” I say, and he smiles for the first time. His mouth searches out mine once again and my body relaxes, wrapped securely in his arms. When he pulls away, his eyes are smouldering with passion.

“I think we should stop before we get carried away,” he whispers. “Perhaps we can continue tonight, when ye come home.”