Tumble (Dogwood Lane, #1)(35)

Looking away at a tree growing topsy-turvy in a neighboring yard, I fight back the tears in my eyes. This is all I ever wanted to hear.

My heart swells in my chest as I force my lungs to inflate.

“You don’t have to accept that,” he whispers.

“Of course I do,” I say. “But can I ask you why?” I turn to face him. “Why her? Did you really think we would never be together again? Were you trying to move on? I just . . . I can’t understand it.”

“I don’t understand it either, really. I stopped trying to at some point because what difference does it make?” He shrugs. “My dad seems to think it was some form of self-hatred, some kind of ‘let’s just blow up my entire life now’ kind of thing, and as much as I hate to admit he’s right about anything, maybe he is.”

“He’s always right.”

We exchange a small grin.

“I regret not coming after you when you left and not trying to find a way to make us work,” Dane says. “But I will never regret Mia.”

My hand falls to his forearm. We both look at it, my pale skin on top of his tan. “Of course you wouldn’t regret her.”

His eyes draw away from my hand and to my face before he takes off rocking again. I slip my hand back to my lap and look anywhere but at him.

My thoughts are muddied. A part of me wants to run to the car and flee, taking what’s left of my pride with it. Another part wants to say what I came to say and then leave with grace. As the two parts argue, I just sit and wait.

The porch creaks with the motion of the chairs. A car door slams somewhere in the distance. It takes a long time before either of us speaks again.

“I don’t know if you know this or not, but Katie left us right after Mia was born,” he says.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

He shrugs. “I’m sorry for Mia.”

My heart pulls as I wonder how she feels about that. “Is she okay with it? I mean, does she miss her?”

“She didn’t know her long enough to miss her. That’s sad as hell, isn’t it?” His eyes are as sober as a judge. “You’ve heard the stories about my mom. She was mean and awful and could swing a switch with the best of them. I’d hide Matt in my room some days so she’d take her anger out on me and not him.”

Squeezing my eyes closed, I bite my tongue. Interrupting him with a full-on rant about how much I loathe his mother won’t help anything. Still, it’s hard.

“But at least I knew her.” He places his hand on my shoulder until I open my eyes. “I knew I wasn’t missing anything when it came to her, you know? When my mom died, it was almost a relief. Mia doesn’t get that. There will be a day when she feels like she missed out or that she wasn’t enough to keep Katie around, and that’ll be a day that I can’t handle.”

I think about Katie and how she always struggled to really fit in anywhere. She went overboard on everything in hopes that she would feel like she belonged. I kind of feel sorry for her.

“What happened to Katie?” I ask.

“What? Do you hope she got eaten by a shark?”

“No. Maybe a piranha,” I joke. “Honestly, I hope she’s okay somewhere. For Mia’s sake.”

Dane smiles. “I really don’t know. But I hope the same. I hope she’s done something with herself and comes back someday sober and happy and wants to get to know our daughter.”

“Did things end badly between you?” I ask, not sure if I really even want to know.

“No.” He shrugs. “She just said she wasn’t into this anymore and was going to leave. And she left. Her attorney sent papers giving me full rights, and that was the end of it. I was suddenly a nineteen-year-old kid with a baby girl. Talk about a learning curve.”

Laughing, I decide to lighten the mood. “How’d you do with diapers and onesies?”

“I’m a champ.”

Our laughter blends together in the easiest way. It’s like the notes just know where to go to be harmonious and we hit them together automatically.

After our chuckles fade, he turns to me again. “I wonder sometimes if Katie just didn’t want me. And if somehow I’m to blame for her not wanting Mia.”

“Dane, no. That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair. If it was . . .” He looks around the porch before coming back to me. “If it was fair, you and I would’ve ended up together.”

My insides turn to mush as his words hit me straight in the heart. I’ve told myself for years it never would’ve worked out between us. That Dane was a bad guy. But none of that is true, and down deep, I knew it. Hearing him say that is a vindication of sorts.

“I guess everything happens for a reason, right?” I ask, using his words from the other night.

“Do you believe that?”

“Not really. I think we can justify things if we look hard enough. And besides, once enough time has passed, you can usually find something good in a situation. Maybe that’s the ‘reason’ everyone talks about.”

He slides me a half smile. “Mia’s certainly my reason right now and for the next decade or so.”

“She’ll always be your reason,” I correct. “I saw your face today when she ran toward you.”