Tumble (Dogwood Lane #1)(53)

I gulp, not sure what to say.

His features soften. “You’re what I want Mia to be.”

My lips part. I can barely make him out through the tears in my eyes. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” I feel like a baby. I turn away so he doesn’t see me dabbing my eyes with the end of my shirt. Just as I’m bringing the fabric to my face, a set of strong arms wraps around me from behind.

“I shouldn’t be doing this,” he mutters against the back of my head. “But fuck it if I can help it.”

There’s no stopping myself from relaxing into him. It’s comfort at its best. My body fills with a tingling warmth that I would harness and keep forever if I could. I close my eyes, breathe Dane in, and appreciate the moment where nothing matters but this.

“I’ve tried to avoid this with you,” I tell him.

“Yeah. Me too.” He rests his chin on the top of my head. “But for what it’s worth, you didn’t put up too much of a fight.”

My chest shakes as I laugh. “Yeah, well, what can I say? I’m a sucker for pain.”

He twists me around in his arms. A hint of perspiration dots his forehead as he watches me with a cautious glance. “I don’t want there to be any more pain between us. I know you’re leaving. I got that. I’m aware. But I’d like to enjoy however long you’re here, if we can. If that’s okay?”

My brain buzzes with confusion and excitement. Alarms also buzz in my ears, warning me that the potential to get destroyed is very real. If this were a business decision, I’d take some time to ponder it. But it’s not. It’s Dane. “I’d like that too.”

He takes my hand and leads me to the edge of the bluff. The colors are fading, the sun barely bridged over the horizon.

“I was afraid of your reaction to Mia,” he admits. “I didn’t know if you knew she was my child or if you’d dislike her on principle.”

I force a swallow, trying to shove the guilt of my feelings on this topic back down. It doesn’t work. My throat constricts instead.

“I spent a lot of nights hating the idea of her.” My head whips to his as I lay this out there, knowing I can’t take it back. “I would just lie in my bed in the dorm or in my apartment and think how her life ended a part of mine.” I look at the ground. “That makes me sound terrible.”

“I don’t blame you for feeling that way.” He takes my hand again and gives it a squeeze. “It’s true in a way. If I hadn’t gotten Katie pregnant, who knows what would’ve happened? But that being said,” he says, lifting my chin so I’m looking him in the eye, “I wouldn’t change it. I know that sounds like a dick thing to say to you of all people, but I can’t imagine my life without that little girl.”

His words hurt a part of me that wishes he and I had been able to experience something like having a child together. But the longer I look in his eyes, the longer I really think about it, the wound sort of fills.

He was made to be Mia’s dad. Knowing them together now, I can’t imagine him without her or her without him. It’s a weird thing to consider, especially knowing how much I’d wished she didn’t exist for so long, but it’s still true.

“I can’t imagine your life without her either. And I feel terrible for having felt that way.”

“I’m not judging you for anything, Neely. I’ve seen you with her, knowing who she is. She adores you. You’ve been nothing but kind to her. Besides,” he says, “although it’s not really the same, I spent a lot of years hating gymnastics. That’s what took you away from me.”

“Yeah, well, I spent some time hating it too. Competitions are tough on the brain and body.”

He takes a step back, biting his lip. “Well, from where I stand, your body looks like it fared just fine.”

“Thank you.” I try to be serious but end up laughing. “I think you’ve been spending too much time with Penn.”

“That was a Penn-like thing to say.” He cringes. “What’s happening to me?”

“I don’t know but you better watch it. You’ll ruin your reputation.”

“I don’t think I have a reputation.” He seems to consider this. “I think I’m just Mia’s dad. I’ve lost all parts of Dane the Person.”

I saunter toward him and fight a smile. “Is that so?”

He reaches for me, digging his fingers in my hips. I gasp as he drags me into his chest.

“I take that back,” he says, his eyes burning a hole in me. “I still have some parts.”

If he weren’t holding me, I think I might fall to the ground. My legs wobble. My hands tremble as I bring them to his face and cup his cheeks. I hesitate, not sure if I should back away or go forward, but the choice is made when he squeezes my hips again.

“I’m not sure I believe you,” I whisper.

“Let me show you.”

His lips fall to mine in a lazy, unhurried way. They brush over my mouth, capturing the moan that emits from my throat.

As if on autopilot, my lips part, and he wastes no time licking through the inside of my mouth. My knees buckle. My blood goes so hot I think I’m going to pass out.

He brushes a hand up my spine. His fingers work through my hair, touching me as if his life depends on it.