Trusting Nicole (The Last Hangman MC #4)(76)

I’m terribly sorry for what happened and the pain I caused you over the years. I wish I could take it all back and make it all better, if I could, I would. I did my best to give you a good life. It wasn’t the life you were supposed to lead but it was the only one I could offer. You deserved a good life filled with the love of your parents but I robbed you of that and I’ll never forgive myself. I owe you the truth and I know you are going to hate me for what I did and why I did it. It was a terrible mistake, one that I wish I could undo.

As you know, my wife was killed in a tragic car accident caused by a drunk driver. I was devastated when it happened and even more so when the doctors told me she was pregnant at the time. She was actually on her way back from the doctor who had just told her when it happened. She had rung me to tell me she had news and was really excited about it. I just didn’t know what it was at the time because she never made it home.

A week after she was killed, I asked Nikolai to obtain information about who was driving the car and where they lived. He found out in Rina’s file that the car belonged to your father. I saw red and wanted revenge. He took my wife’s life so I was going to take his and his family’s. When I got there, I confronted them but they both denied it and said that their car was stolen, that they didn’t know what happened and that they were sorry for what had happened. I accused them of lying and shot them without regret. I was righting the wrong that had been done to me and my family. I hadn’t planned on you being there and seeing it happen.

I went back home and thought about it. Unfortunately for me, Nikolai came to me with fresh news that someone had stolen your parents’ car. They had been telling the truth all along and I was so enraged and hurt that I didn’t listen to what they had to say. I killed them without any remorse and I knew I’d pay for their deaths for the rest of my life. It took me a while to gather up the courage to drive back and bring you home with me. I made you an orphan and you didn’t deserve that.

I raised you like you were the kid I never had, I just wasn’t capable of loving you. Not because you weren’t loveable, but because my heart was broken and nothing could put it back together. Over the years, you really did become my son, well, at least to me. I was proud of you and your accomplishments. It was great to see the good man you’ve become and then I ruined it all that night I asked you to prove to me you were worthy.

I don’t know what I was looking for when I asked you to do that. I think I wanted to make sure you would stay by my side and not leave me in the hopes of finding a better life. I should have set you free that day but I was too selfish. I needed to keep my son, well the image of the kid I wanted you to be, with me.

I realized over the years how much you hated yourself for what I made you do and I hate myself for causing you all this pain. I will never be able to forgive myself for all I have done to you. All the hurt I caused you. I hope you won’t let it get the best of you. I hope you’ll be able to find happiness and not let your past taint your life.

You deserve to be happy, to have a good wife, kids, and everything you’ve ever wanted. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I’m sorry I robbed you of the life you were supposed to have.

I don’t know who you are seeing, but whenever you come back from your weekends away you always have a huge smile on your face, one that reaches your eyes, something that Jenny has never been able to do. Whoever that woman is, cherish every single second you have with her, because she is your one, your soul mate. I met mine long ago and she was taken from me, never let anyone take her from you. Fight for her, fight for the both of you because you deserve her, no matter what you’ll undoubtedly tell yourself. You deserve her. She is a very special woman and I’m happy that someone can finally bring you happiness.

Never forget to always keep smiling, love and cherish your friends and family. I know you’ll have a family one day, a big one. Treasure all those people because even though you’ll have your dark days where you don’t love yourself, they will love you no matter what. Tell them you love them every day and never let the little things upset you or stop you from doing what you want to do.

Live hard, love harder.

Sergei

P.S. Your parents are buried at the Ambrose Garden, together.

Nicole is a crying mess next to me and I’m not far behind her. Knowing my parents’ death was a mistake is a hard pill to swallow. I’m glad I finally know the truth but f*cking hell it’s hard, I wasn’t expecting this. My parents were good people who had the shit luck of having their car stolen and it being used in a drunken hit and run. I wish they didn’t have to die for nothing, for a stupid f*cking mistake. But despite everything, I’m glad I finally know the truth and can move on. I have my woman, more friends than I can count and a huge ass family.

“How are you?” Nicole asks, bringing me back to reality.

“Relieved and heartbroken.” I sigh.

“Understandable. I’m sorry they died because of some f*cking dickwad.” She kisses my head.

“Me too.” I sigh. “Is it bad that despite everything that happened I’m happy in a way that things went that way?”

“What do you mean?” She looks at in confusion.

“Had none of this happened, I might never have met you. Who knows where I would be? Maybe I’d be miserable living a boring life or dead already, who knows? Do I wish I could take back some of the things I’ve done and my parent’s death, yes, but I’m happy with how my life has turned out, with you by my side and a f*ck load of friends and family. Our lives might be chaotic at times but we have each other. Maybe I wouldn’t have this if none of that had happened.” I look up at her.