Touched (The Untouched Trilogy #2)(96)
*****
The next morning we were awake at the crack of dawn. He was nursing a hangover and I was still wondering if I should just leave. We were in the kitchen, the one that he would sneak into as a child. He’d made some type of concoction to soothe his pains and he’d made an omelet for me.
We were sitting at the table on the far side of the kitchen. We were both quiet for several minutes and he finally started talking. “Nadia and I were a couple, for lack of a better description, during the time I was pursuing my law degree. We were involved for approximately two years. Of course our relationship was of an intimate nature and we always used protection except once and as luck would have it, that one slip-up resulted in a pregnancy. Neither of us had a desire to be parents, especially me. Although Nadia wasn’t ready to be a parent, she wanted the child. I didn’t.”
I’d never given any significant thought to having children except to note that I never wanted children because I couldn’t bear the thought of being the reason a child felt the way I’d felt as a child. But knowing Aiden had created a life with Nadia caused a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Okay. So did she have the baby and give it up for adoption?” I asked.
“No,” he replied.
“Did someone else in the family raise the child?” I asked.
“Aria, we didn’t have the child.”
“She miscarried?”
“Nadia was extremely eager to please me so she set aside her wants and did what I asked of her. I convinced her to have an abortion.”
I looked at him. I realized that I didn’t know anything of his views on children, marriage or his religious beliefs. I’d never concerned myself with questions that were as personal with anyone I’d f*cked. Well except with April, but that didn’t really count. Certain topics violated my Fuck Rules and I steered clear of those. As had become typical with Aiden though, everything mattered. The fact that another woman had carried a part of him inside her mattered. The fact that he would abort a child mattered.
“I know that sounds horrible and you may consider me a selfish bastard, but that’s what I did. After the procedure, my guilt forced me to at least attempt the maintenance of the relationship and the fact that our parents were pushing us together at every opportunity didn’t help matters.”
“How did the relationship end?” I asked.
“I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want her. I never wanted her.”
“Yet you were in a relationship with her for two years?”
“You don’t understand Aria. You’ll never understand the eccentricities of my life.”
“Then help me understand Aiden. I need to understand this.”
“Why Aria?” he asked.
“I just do. Can you tell me why?”
“It’s my life and the responsibility that comes with being a Raine. There was no room for a child nor was there any time to be a father.”
“Are you saying you convinced her to have the abortion because of who you are? Aiden, I hope you aren’t saying that.”
“Damn it Aria! I’m not saying that but the two aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. I didn’t just abandon her if that’s what you’re thinking. She was angry initially and then she became extremely depressed. When she started writing letters to the baby, I convinced her to seek professional help and she gradually came back to herself.”
I could hear the guilt and shame in his voice. “Did your families know?”
“They did not. They still don’t … unless Nadia said something, which is unlikely.”
“How do you feel about it now?” I asked.
“If you’re asking if I regret my decision, no I don’t,” he replied.
“Is this why Nadia has this imagined hold on you?” I asked.
“ Partially, I suppose.”
“And the other part?”
“Our families. They want me to be with her.”
“It’s obvious Nadia wants you and not just because your families are steering her in your direction.”
“I agree. Now can we stop talking about someone who doesn’t matter?”
I certainly didn’t think she mattered as much as she thought she did to Aiden but why did he patronize her? Why not tell her to f*ck off? It’s not like it’s not in him to be cruel. I’d witnessed that first hand. I wasn’t at all partial to discussing her but I needed to know this. It provided more insight into her supposed hold on him. I could see his guilt and I didn’t want to add to it but he’d promised to answer all of my questions.
“Why do you patronize her?”
He sighed. “Aria, despite what I’ve just told you, I’m not a monster. I care about Nadia and I’ll always feel like shit for what I put her through. Do I want her to back off? Hell yes. Will I be an * and push her away the way you probably want me to … no.”
As much as I didn’t want to, I understood.
*****
“I want to show you something.”
“Okay. What?” I asked.
“I said show you not tell you. Let’s get dressed.”
We showered and dressed and rushed downstairs before anyone caught sight of us. Hand in hand, we walked quietly to the garage, which was basically the size of another mansion. Aiden walked to a panel on a wall and grabbed a set of keys. He pressed the key fob and the lights of one of the cars flickered.