Touch Me Not (Manwhore, #1)(44)

“You two were devils, weren’t you?” Nikoli asked. His laugh filled the room.

“Terrors,” she agreed, smiling. “My grandpa used to swear in frustration every time he watched us. We always talked him into doing things our parents said no to.”

“How was she different from you?”

“I was the quiet one with her nose either in a book or buried under the hood of a car. Not Laney. She had this bigger than life personality that drew all kinds of people to her. Everyone loved her. She was kind and sweet, but loud and boisterous too. Always the center of attention. The epitome of what a girl was—she loved shopping, purple was her favorite color, she loved cooking, fashion, you name it. If it was girly, Laney adored it.”

Lily paused and closed her eyes, flashes of her sister’s smiling face assaulting her. A tear leaked out at the pain that hit her in the gut. God, she missed Laney. So much. Missed the long talks they used to have, the sound of her laugh. Pain ripped through her and she almost doubled over from the force of it.

“Milaya, it’s okay to hurt, to grieve,” Nikoli said softly. “It’s how we deal with loss and move on. If you don’t let yourself grieve for your sister, you’ll never get better.”

“I miss her,” Lily told him, her eyes closed. “Every day. It feels like there is this big hole where she was. We were twins, two halves of the same whole. I always knew what she was thinking, what she was feeling. Now that’s gone. I’m empty inside, Nikoli. So empty. And every damn bit of it is my fault. If only I hadn’t been such a stupid…”

“Lily,” he interrupted her. “Your sister loved you, didn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“Then do you think she’d want you to keep blaming yourself? How would it make her feel knowing you were putting yourself through so much pain, when what happened to her was an accident?”

“No.”

“Then start to forgive yourself. From everything you’ve said, I know your sister would have forgiven you a long time ago. Neither of you had any idea that car was around the corner. Had you known, you’d have done everything to get to her, to save her. She knows that, and I guarantee she wouldn’t hold you responsible for what happened. It was an accident, Milaya, a tragic accident, and not your fault.”

Lily wiped her tears. Laney wouldn’t want her to be in this shape, but it was going to take more than a pep talk from Nikoli to make Lily forget what she’d done to her sister. She was starting to heal, even she realized that. Maybe it was just time, or maybe it was because of Nikoli. Either way, she was getting better. Talking with Rebekha had helped her come to that conclusion.

“Tell you what,” Nikoli said. “Every day, starting tomorrow, I want you to tell me something new about Laney. Tell me about some adventure you two went on, the pranks you pulled, anything you want to tell me about the happy memories you had with Laney. Can you do that?”

She nodded. She could do that.

“What are you doing Saturday?” he asked.

“Studying?”

“Nope.” He shook his head. “We’re going shopping.”

“Shopping?”

“You did tell me you weren’t stepping foot in either of my apartments until I switched the furniture.”

Lily shuddered thinking about all the gross fluids that had to be in his apartment.

“We’re going furniture shopping. Then you are going to help me and Luther move it all in.”

“You’re really going to get brand new furniture?”

“Just think of all the new memories we can make…you bent over the couch, laying on the kitchen table, your legs wrapped around me, tied to my bed while I kiss every inch of your skin.”

Lily felt the blush start to heat her cheeks, and she watched Nikoli’s eyes sweep her face and then follow the blush down to her shirt.

“Take off the shirt for me?” he asked.

“No!”

“I just want to see where the blush starts, Milaya.” His grin turned evil. “I’m in my apartment and you’re in your dorm room. You’re perfectly safe.”

“No,” she said adamantly. “I am not giving you a boob show.”

Nikoli laughed at her outraged tone. He loved getting her riled up, like a virgin who’s never even thought of a naked man before. He loved her outrage. It was refreshing.

“Lily, I’m not asking for Skype sex, I’m just asking for you to take off your shirt. Here, watch me take off mine.” He reached down and pulled his own shirt over his head and tossed it to the side. “See how easy that is?”

“I’m still not taking my shirt off.” She laughed, her eyes tracing his tattoos.

“Such a prude,” he said.

“Yup,” she agreed. “No boob show for you, Kincaid.”

“What do you want for breakfast?” he asked, changing the subject. If he teased her much more, he might really go over there, as hard as he was right now.

“Um, I hadn’t thought about it?”

“There’s this new place that opened a few blocks away from the Italian place you love. It’s only open for breakfast. I thought we might go check it out.”

“Sure,” she agreed, “but if they only serve heavy breakfast food, you’re stopping somewhere so I can get a yogurt or something.”