To Professor, with Love (Forbidden Men #2)(90)

Fairly certain? I closed my eyes and bowed my head. Jesus, wasn’t that just great. “It’s too dangerous. Too reckless. We need to be rational.”

He groaned and pressed his forehead to our clasped hands. “I hate it when you’re rational; you always try to leave me when you’re rational.”

With a harsh laugh, I yanked my hands out of his grasp. “Because it’s the smart thing to do, Noel. My God, do you not realize how much we lose control when we’re around each other, how much we put at risk? This is the second time we’ve gone without any kind of protection, and you said you’ve never—”

“I know what I said,” he snapped irritably as he ran his hand through his hair and pushed to his feet. “And it’s not like I mean to forget. It’s just...everything with you is different. That’s the entire point of all this. If you weren’t, if you were just any other girl, we wouldn’t have any of these problems. I wouldn’t lose my head when you’re close, and I wouldn’t forget my f*cking condoms. But then, we probably wouldn’t have to worry about remembering either, because you’re my teacher and I would have no problem staying away. But you are different. You’re more. And that’s exactly why it’s worth the risk.”

“No.” I shook my head, even though his words were getting to me. He always knew how to break my restraint. Because he was different too. He was more to me too. “It’s not worth it.” Since he was more, I didn’t want him to get hurt.

“Baby.” Cupping my face, he came in for a kiss. I knew the moment his mouth touched mine, I’d be a goner. We’d be right back where we started, sucked into the moment and forgetting reality...again. So I dodged away, making him seethe.

Letting me retreat, he blew out a hard breath and dragged his hand through his hair. “Okay,” he muttered. “I know tonight freaked you out—”

“It didn’t freak me out. It opened my eyes.”

He didn’t like that answer. His eyes narrowed and his teeth clenched. “Look, I know the chances of us actually making it through this unscathed seem impossible, but—”

“But what? You want to keep plowing forward as we are until we’re exposed and everything explodes in our faces?”

Throwing his hands into the air, he shouted, “I don’t care about exposure. I care about staying with you.”

I slammed my fists to my hips. “Well, staying with me isn’t good for you.”

Noel barked out a laugh. “What the hell ever. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I had to raise myself with no guidance of how to be a good person, how to build good study habits, how to feel like someone actually cared about what happens to me without me needing to fix all their problems in return, how to depend on someone else. You taught me all that. I need you, Aspen. Jesus, you really have no idea what you’ve done for me in the time we’ve been together, do you?”

Hugging my waist, I paced across the floor, craving some space before I wavered. “I’m not saying what we had together wasn’t...wonderful. But there are other very important things to consider here. Other people to consider.”

Noel sat on the couch arm I’d just vacated and stared across the floor at me as a dawning horror list his gaze. “What we had together?” he repeated slowly.

Everything inside me clenched with dread over what I was about to do. “I think—”

“No.” He shot to his feet and stalked toward me. “Don’t you dare say it.”

I scrambled backward, my eyes widening. But he caught me and clutched my shoulders tight. His eyes commanded me not to say a word. But I did anyway. “We need a break.”

“No,” he growled. “We started this together, fifty-fifty. We are not ending it unless both of us want out. And I say no.”

“Noel.” My voice cracked, and his face fell.

“Damn it, Aspen.” He dipped his head and came in to kiss me. I set my hand against his chest.

We stared at each other, eye to eye, both of us breathing hard as my little cat clock on the wall with the swishing tail and shifting eyes ticked back and forth, filling the silence.

“Fine.” His fingers eased off my arms as he took a step back. But his eyes remained intent, still full of fight. “You take your break. Take however long you want to think about it, or whatever shit you think you need to do. But I’m not. I’m still in this one hundred percent, and I’m not going anywhere until you realize we belong together despite everything there is against us.”

Without waiting for me to respond, he marched for the front door and jerked it open. His footsteps pounded on the front porch, growing fainter as he left. Holding my fingers to my lips, I tried not to cry.

Noel cared so much he was going to fight for us no matter what. It made me love him more than ever, which broke my heart even harder.





CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT




“Never underestimate a pretty little liar.” - Sara Shepard, Pretty Little Liars



ASPEN



Four grueling, awful, incredibly long days passed. And I didn’t see Noel once. I think he was torturing me on purpose. He knew my willpower was nil. He knew I’d have to see him soon. And honestly, tomorrow—when he walked into my classroom for Early American Literature—couldn’t come soon enough. I needed my Noel fix. Now.