Throttled: Dirty Air (Book 1)(54)

I don’t have a right to feel jealous since I can’t give her what she wants. But I can’t control it; my fists clench at the sight of them, envy whirling inside of me like toxic air.

Maya’s eyes catch mine. The smile she had before slips from her face, and it pisses me off how I’ve turned her mood sour in two seconds flat.

I stroll up to the guys, keeping it casual even though I barely have it together inside.

“Shit luck today, bro.” Liam doesn’t look the least bit phased from last night. Was I the only one who got seriously fucked up? Come to think of it, he was sober as hell. I don’t even think he blinked at any other girls who came onto us. Shit.

“Never going out the night before a qualifier again. That was a terrible idea, man.” Jax pats my shoulder as he throws me under the bus.

Fuck you very much, Jax.

“You guys look like you had quite the night. Ballsy move before a qualifier.” Sophie’s narrowed eyes glare into mine.

“Mm, that’s why my brother is the best. He puts the team first.” Maya’s polite smile doesn’t reach her flat eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, we get it already. You adore Santiago. At least pretend you want us to do well too.” Liam knocks Maya’s hat off her head and offers her a shrug. She laughs at him. I want to record the sound for the bad days, like today, because I’m the biggest idiot.

“We better get going. Girls’ day and all.” Sophie links her arm in Maya’s. They head off after saying their goodbyes with Maya ignoring me. It fucking sucks.

“Bro, you got smashed last night. You wouldn’t shut up about her.” Liam nods his head in the direction Maya left in.

Jax shakes his head. “It was a sad sight until you took that girl home. You even called her Maya once, but she shrugged it off. What was her name? Beatrice?”

Thank you, Jax, for bringing up the last thing I want to think about. I flip him off.

“She was hot. You always get the good ladies.” Liam’s arms cross against his chest.

“I’m surprised she even went home with him. He kept talking about Maya rejecting him, how she doesn’t want a playboy like him.” Jax chuckles to himself.

“Okay, guys, I get it. It was a pathetic night. Can we not bring it up anymore? Like ever.” My clipped voice matches my declining patience.

“All right. No need to get pissy at us.” Liam’s last words end that conversation.

I take off in the direction of the Bandini motorhome because I have another round of apologies to get out to Sophie’s dad and the pit crew.



Unlike the last time Maya avoided me, we both keep our distance this time. Me because of shame. Her probably because I gross her out, not that I blame her at all.

The rest of Saturday is uneventful, which fills me with relief. I recover from my awful hangover, trying to overhydrate because race-day conditions are hot and alcohol dehydrates like no other. No doubt I’ll sweat out three pounds of body weight at least.

On race day, I eavesdrop on Santiago and Maya’s conversation, desperate to feel close to her. She keeps her voice low and inaudible. To avoid punching a wall out of frustration, I exit my suite to go to the pit area.

I run through some engine checks and attend a pre-race briefing. Busying myself keeps me from doing something stupid, like finding Maya and giving into her demands while begging for forgiveness. After wrapping up with the top engineers, I head back toward the garage.

I silently curse at Maya sitting next to the computer bay. She wears one of the engineer’s headsets so she can listen in on Santi’s team radio. A churning feeling of jealousy swirls in the pit of my stomach. Being jealous of her brother…a new low.

A lot of contradictory feelings mix inside of my head. Maya rejects me because she wants more than I can give her, but I don’t even know how to try to give her what she wants.

Her vlog camera swings around in full force, filming the busy race-day activities.

I find it difficult to ignore her voice while I discuss the logistics of the car and any last-minute tune-ups. She tours the place and introduces members of the team, a sweet gesture to show off the men and women who are essential to Bandini. Her voice raves about how the crew keeps everything up and running, even introducing them by name, proof of her connection to the team. She has this way of charming people. Unlike me, who has a way of fucking up with people.

I try to hide my shock when she walks up to my car.

“Here we have Slade’s team.”

I see we are back to last names now.

She does a spin to get everyone in the camera shot. “They’re busy doing last-minute checks on his car. He has a big task of catching up to Santiago, Liam, and Jax since he starts in P14 today. It’s his worst start since he began racing in F1. Better luck next time.”

Thanks, Maya. I take it because I deserve it and more.

I wave at the camera as she pans over my car. Her fruity shampoo hits my senses, instantly bringing me back to the other night. Her lips on mine, the sounds she made when I touched her, when I grinded into her. My dick twitches in my race suit. Great.

She moves on to interview one of the head engineers. He subtly checks out Maya’s chest in between questions, and it takes everything in me not to push him away.

Concentrate on your car. You’re about to go race and you don’t have time to worry about her.