Throttle Me (Men of Inked, #1)(38)

“What don’t you know? Talk to me.” His hand closed over my fist in my lap as he stroked his thumb across my sensitive skin.

“I like you a lot. So much that it scares me and I don’t know if I could deal with the heart break when you walk out of my life.” The tear slid down my cheek as I spoke.

“You never gave us a chance to see if we could work.” His finger slid across my skin, wiping the tear away.

“You’re not a one-woman man. I could tell that about you and I don’t work that way. I don’t want to share you.”

“Suzy, I’m not a whore. Since I met you last week I haven’t been with anyone else. I don’t want anyone else, just you.”

“I’d like to believe that, but you looked a little too cozy with Karen tonight.”

“Kaylee, not Karen. I’ll be totally honest with you about her. I had sex with her twice in my life. Not my proudest moment, but she offered and I accepted. She wants to be my girlfriend and I’ve told her no. I’m very clear with her that she and I are nothing and never will be. Should I have pushed her ass on the floor when she sat on my lap?”

“No, I guess not.” I didn’t want to think about the visual I had of another woman sitting on him and fawning.

“I wanted to be with you tonight. You blew me off. We had such a nice time last night and as soon as I brought you home, you shut down.”

“I don’t know, City,” I said.

“Joey,” he interrupted.

“Joey, I watched Kayden and Sophia all night. They reminded me of what I want someday. I want someone that’s going to love me and be mine alone. I want to be important to someone,” I said staring into his eyes without blinking, worried another tear would slip down my cheek.

“It’s what everyone wants…” he started to say.

“Let me finish.” I shook my head. “I like you, Joey. No one has ever made me feel the way you do, but I can’t risk falling for you. I can’t have my heart broken.” I bit my lip trying to focus on pain instead of sadness. I didn’t want tears to flow freely. “I think it’s best if we stop now. The time we’ve spent together has been amazing, but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t lie to myself.”

“May I speak now?” he smiled at me, but it was a sad smile.

“Yes.”

“Do you think I’m incapable of love?” he stared at me waiting for an answer, his mouth was set in a firm line as waited for my answer.

“No, I just don’t think it’s who you are now and I can’t wait around for that part of you. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

“Suzette.” Formal names always meant something serious. “I never allowed myself to think of a future with anyone, but last night I saw a world of possibilities. I realized what I was missing out on – I want what Kayden and Sophia have.” He squeezed my fingers and I watched his thumb rub the back of my hand. “Look at me. I’ve never allowed myself to get close to anyone in years, but your innocence and sweetness have pierced my heart.”

“Oh,” I said my eyes growing wide with surprise.

“I didn’t want to rush into anything with you. I don’t want to ruin anything, but you need to understand where I’m coming from. You need to know my past.” His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed before continuing. “I have been in love before. I had a fiancé and I thought my entire life was made. Plans don’t always work out exactly as we think.”

“I’m sorry,” I said breaking a hand free from his grip, touching his cheek, running my thumb across the rough stubble.

“It was a long time ago. We were in college and her name was Joni. We were high school sweethearts and attended college together.” He closed his eyes and I could see the pain on his beautiful features. “I loved her more than anything in the world and she was ripped from my life.”

My heart skipped with the thought that anyone could break his heart. “A f*cking drunk driver hit her on her way home from work and she was killed instantly.” He hung his head, hiding his face from my view. I could only imagine the pain that he felt losing his love that day in such a brutal manner. “I’ve never allowed myself to get that close to anyone after she died. It f*ckin’ wrecked me and I didn’t know if I’d ever fully heal.”

“I’m sorry, Joey,” I kissed his cheek, allowing him the time to gather his thoughts and hide a small part of himself.

His eyes rose to meet mine. “You remind me a lot of Joni… your kindness and playful nature. It’s infectious. You two would’ve been good friends. She was my light and I couldn’t remember life without her until the day she died. I thought the heartbreak would kill me, Suzy. I’ve been so scared to open myself to anyone again, but you made me want to try. Don’t shut me out. I can’t promise forever, yet, but I want you to be mine, Suzy.”

My breath caught. “What do you mean?”

“Woman, I swear sometimes I have to spell shit out to you. For a smart girl, sometimes you amaze me,” he chuckled. “I want you to be my girlfriend. Mine and only mine; I planned to ask you tonight before you blew me off.”

Yes, yes, yes! “What about you?” I asked. Would he see other girls – my heart couldn’t take that.