Thrive (Addicted, #4)(85)

Then what’s this about? I frown.

To convince me more, Connor says, “Just a few minutes downstairs.”

“If you don’t mind my stench.”

“You smell lovely, darling.” He already aims for the staircase. “Just how I dream of.”

I snort into a smile. “Alright.” I follow his lead.

Once we pass through the living room, the archway and into the kitchen, Connor starts the coffee machine. I catch the time on the oven. 4 a.m. Morning for him. The dead of night for me. He still wears pajama pants, so at least we’re on equal footing there.

I hoist myself up onto the low counter and lean back into the cabinets. “Does this conversation happen to involve two very stubborn Calloway girls?”

“It does.” He opens a cupboard by my head. He’s so tall that we’re actually eyelevel. “It’s really trivial.” He retrieves a black mug. “If they both sat down and talked, they’d realize that they’re on the same side. But instead, your girlfriend isn’t getting any sleep and neither is my wife.”

“How do you know Lily isn’t sleeping?” My edged voice hurts my ears at this time of night.

“You just had sex for four hours,” he says, knowing everything before I even tell him. It’s not as annoying right now as it could be. “And I’ve also seen Lily awake in the living room at 2 a.m. a few times.”

My lips downturn, worry coating my features. “What was she doing?” I must have fallen asleep already, and she crawled out of bed.

“Reading Kafka,” he says. “She said that she was hoping my reading material would bore her to sleep.”

I let out a heavy breath. When Rose and Connor left for their honeymoon, the words “slut” and “whore” and “gross” were never thrown around in the media. The headlines commended Rose for being monogamous, strong and open enough to defend her right to be submissive in bed.

The polar opposite happened to Lily. She was degraded, humiliated and dragged through the mud. Still is. Every fucking day.

She can’t sleep and forgets to eat sometimes. I’ve already talked to her professors for next semester, setting up her courses so she can watch the lectures online and attend the classes for exams. While my girlfriend sinks under the weight of the world’s hypocrisy, she bears this immeasurable guilt that no one understands.

No one but me.

Deep down, she wishes that Rose had the same outcome as her, so at least she could feel less singled out, less repulsed by herself, less like a spot on the world that should have been wiped clean. And she can’t destroy those feelings or try to explain them. Because they seem completely fucked up.

But I know what it’s like to have emotions that war within you. To want something so cold and callous, only to feel a shred of self-worth.

I get it.

I fucking get it.

Rose is willing to give Lily time to sort through her feelings and come to terms with what’s happened. But that means a stalemate between them. When they walk into the same room, they withhold most conversation and barely meet eyes.

Connor pours coffee into his mug. “I’ve tried talking to Rose, but she believes that Lily needs to work this out on her own.” He waits for me to add something, and I realize that he brought me down here to see where Lily’s head was at. Maybe to gauge how long this tension will last.

“I think Lil just needs some time,” I say, not sure how much time. “She’s going to her therapist every other day now.”

Connor sips coffee from his mug, and I notice his ring on his left hand. Lily and I discussed our living situation with Rose and Connor after their wedding, and it lasted about two minutes. They don’t feel comfortable moving out, even though they both should be closer to Philly. Their work is there, like Cobalt Inc.

Connor stopped pursuing his MBA so he could take over as CEO. The only tie they have to Princeton is Lil, who’s still in college.

Since the paparazzi have increased exponentially after the reality show and now Rose’s sex scandal, they both said: “it’s best if the four of us still live together.” A united front—or whatever. I didn’t refute. Because even though it’s harder with them here, I like having Connor around for advice. And Lily needs her sister.

He rests against the center island, facing me, and he stares at his mug with a lost look in his eyes, one I don’t see often from him.

“What is it?” I ask.

“My mother is dying,” he says out loud. “She’ll be gone within the week. Breast cancer.”

My jaw slowly drops. I can count on my hand the number of times he’s mentioned his mom. She stepped down from her position as CEO of Cobalt Inc. a few days ago. Now I know why. “I’m sorry,” I say, my brows bunched in confusion and a bit of hurt for him.

I can’t read his expression. He’s not letting anything pass through his features for me to hold onto. All I see is a blank surface, my own emotions ricocheting back at me.

“Don’t be,” he tells me. “She wouldn’t want your apology.”

“She sounds…”

“Cold,” he finishes.

“I was going to say like Rose, no offense.”

His deep blue eyes rise to mine. “They’re not alike. Katarina doesn’t have the capacity to love someone other than herself. If anything, she’s more like me.”