Thrive (Addicted, #4)(68)

“I don’t care about sex. I care about you being healthy and not drinking.”

I’m suddenly overwhelmed with pride. For her. But also fear for me. I’m falling behind. I can feel myself regressing while she’s barreling ahead. I have to get my shit together.

“We have another issue,” Ryke suddenly says, pulling our attention to the room.

“We don’t have to bring that up now,” Rose snaps.

Connor and Rose stand together, hand-in-hand, and I try to string some apologies together, but when I open my mouth, nothing comes out.

Rose raises her chin, poised again. Like nothing happened. She just gives me a single nod like it’s done, let’s move past this.

I don’t think I’ll forget it though. I’ll have this guilt within me forever.

Ryke grabs a camera that belongs to the crew. I frown, and Lily and I both stand up, coming to his side. “Watch this,” he says.

My stomach overturns.

This isn’t good.





{ 31 }

0 years : 08 months

April





LILY CALLOWAY


Nononono.

I peer at the camera in Ryke’s hands, already emotionally drained with Lo. I wish we could rewind, go back to the couch with our comic books and pretend like this was all a nightmare.

Instead, Ryke hits the “play” button on the camera. Oh my God. My eyes widen. Lo and I are in the bookstore—the day that people, in general, started to freak me out. I watch myself drag Lo into the bathroom and then shut the door closed on the camera.

Anxious heat builds across my skin. In the video, I say, “Can I give you a blow job?”

I can explain. My hand shoots in the air, about to gush forth all the excuses that are surprisingly truths. “I was having a bad day,” I start.

“Shhh,” Lo says, frowning and really glaring at the camera. I’m sure that look is meant for Scott. And as we just watch the door in the video, sound effects start playing…of moaning and male groaning. They never showed how Lo rejected my request? Or how I took it back too? My frown deepens.

“What is this?” Lo asks, his hand slipping in mine before I have a chance to bite my fingernails. “Is this some kind of fucked up joke?”

“You tell us,” Ryke refutes. “You’re fucking in a public bathroom in the middle of the afternoon.”

My stomach sinks. Is this how they’d react if they knew we’ve done that many times before the cameras started invading our personal space?

“Nooo,” Lo says the word slowly. “We didn’t fuck in the bathroom. We don’t fuck anywhere but our bedroom.” I shut up because I’m a worse liar than him. This is fact.

“Someone must have tampered with the video.”

“So you didn’t ask to give Loren a blow job?” Rose questions me, her hands set on her hips.

“I…” My elbows are roasting. “I did do that…” I mutter.

“And then I told her no,” Lo adds. We’re not lying about this—that’s the weird thing.

“What were you actually doing for thirty minutes in the bathroom?” Connor asks casually.

I relax a little, not feeling as defensive with him.

Lo says, “I was giving Lily a pep talk.”

“I needed one,” I say. I smile at Lo, and he rubs my back.

Then I remember my earlier declaration. I never believed that he could start lying to me after rehab. And I take one step away from him, his hand falling from mine. “We’re still in a fight.”

His throat bobs. “I’m going to start taking Antabuse again, Lil.”

“Good,” I say with a nod. I ache to step into his arms, for him to hold me and for me to hold him. Nowhere feels better than in his embrace. But I have to do what’s best for him. No enabling. So I can hold out for a day or so. I turn to Ryke. “Fast-forward to the end. When we come out of the bathroom, I know I’ll look disappointed.”

Ryke speeds up the footage, and when he presses play, I watch myself exit the bathroom, my fingers laced with Lo’s. My hair is perfectly flattened, but my lips are just slightly curved downwards. “Ah-ha!” I point at the camera. “I look so upset.”

Rose nears the screen with disbelief. I expect her expression to flood with realization. It doesn’t change.

“That’s you disappointed?” Ryke asks. “You’re sweating and your face is red.”

“It was hot in the bathroom,” I defend.

“It was,” Lo agrees but his voice is soft. He knows that we have no evidence in our favor. They just have to trust us. Maybe they shouldn’t. We are lying to them on one account.

“Are they going to air this?” I ask.

“Probably,” Connor says, “but it helps promote your wedding.” The wedding. I internally shrink. “The bad edit would be you slipping into the bathroom with another guy.”

“We’re just concerned about your health,” Rose says.

I wish, so badly, they could just believe I’m doing okay.

But only Lo truly sees my progress. He’s the one wrapped so closely with my sex addiction. The others just see glimpses here and there, and the bad times seem to stick out far more than the good.