Thrive (Addicted, #4)(100)

Sweat collects on the back of my neck. It’s not from running down the street. “You don’t believe them, do you?” I ask. I can see the answer in his eyes, almost every time we talk about the molestation rumors.

“Who?” he asks.

“The news, all those reporters…you don’t think that our dad actually did those things to me?” Say no. Just say no. I need him to believe me.

He looks physically pained, his answer so clear.

“It’s not fucking true!” I shout. Why can’t my own brother believe me? I’ve known him for three years now. Three years. That should count for something.

“Okay, okay.” He raises his hands again. “You just have to move fucking forward. Don’t worry about what people think.”

I internally laugh, one full of agitation. Don’t worry about what people think. I inhale deeply and stare at the sky with the darkest glare I have. “You say shit, Ryke, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Do you know how annoying that is?” I turn my head, meeting his eyes.

“I’ll keep saying it then, just to irritate the fuck out of you.”

I let out another deep breath. Okay.

He rubs the back of my head and nods towards my house down the street. I follow him for a few paces, and I see the way his muscles cut in defined lines—reminding me that he’s an athlete. A different kind. He might not have a nine-to-five job, but he has goals.

Goals that he’s put on hold to be there for me. I don’t want anyone to pause their life because I had to slam on the brakes for mine.

I stop in the middle of the quiet road, morning. No cameras.

It’s the best time to run. I lick my lips. “About your trip to California…I know I haven’t asked about it in months. I’ve been too self-absorbed—”

“Don’t worry about it.” He gestures with his head to the house. “Let’s go make some breakfast for the girls.”

“Wait. I have to say this.” I swallow hard. “I need you to go.” He tries to cut me off, but I barrel ahead. “I can already hear your stupid fucking rebuttal. And I’m telling you to go. Climb your mountains. Do whatever you need to do. You’ve had this planned for a long time, and I’m not going to ruin it for you.”

I can’t hurt anyone else.

“I can always reschedule. Those mountains aren’t fucking moving, Lo.”

I put my hands on my head again. He’s wanted to free-solo climb these rock formations in California for months, maybe even longer than that. “I will feel like shit if you don’t go,” I say. “And I’ll drink. I can promise you that.”

He just glares.

Why doesn’t he get it? Leave me. “I don’t need you,” I sneer. It’s a complete and utter lie. But I can’t hold onto him like a life vest. I have to let my brother have a fucking life without me in it. “I don’t fucking need you to hold my hand. I need you to be goddamn selfish like me for once in your life so I don’t feel like utter shit compared to you, alright?”

He stares at me for a long moment, with this rock hard expression that turns darker by the minute. Please.

Give up on me. Just this once. And then he says, “Okay, I’ll go.”

I exhale, a pressure actually lifting off me. I didn’t realize I’d been carrying around that guilt for so long.

Ryke wraps his arm around my shoulder and says, “Maybe one day you’ll be able to outrun me.”

Yeah. Maybe one day.





{ 49 }

2 years : 01 month

September





LILY CALLOWAY


“What’d I do?” I ask, my shoulders curving forward. Rose dragged me into the downstairs bathroom like she was plowing through bulky Spartan warriors. Whereas I’d most likely turn beet-red and surrender to their swords, Rose just knocked them all down, a woman on a mission. No man can stop her. Not even three-hundred of them.

“This isn’t about you,” Rose says, fixing her hair into a sleek pony.

I frown. “Are you preparing to unplug a toilet?”

She gives me a look.

“What? You’re fixing your hair. That’s all I have to go on.” She’s not providing me with any information.

Right when she opens her mouth, someone knocks on the door. “What are you two doing in there together?” Lo asks, suspicion in his voice. This is very suspicious, I’ll admit. Joint bathroom sessions only happen when there are multiple stalls. Unless, you know, sex. But that can’t be one of his thoughts. Because, incest.

Uh. I redden instantly. I need some bleach for my mind.

I picture Lo leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and I almost invite him inside. But Rose smashes her palm against my lips and gives me humongous crazy eyes.

It both scares me and propels me to my sister’s side of things. Her yellow-green eyes are very convincing. Plus, even though she has a flair for the dramatics, this seems serious.

Rose drops her hand, trusting me to stay quiet, and then she cracks the door and sticks her head out. “Two words, Loren: Female menstruation.” She slams the door right in his face.

“Great,” he calls back with irritation. “I’d say talk to me again when you’re done PMSing, but you’re always a bitch.” I wince at that comeback. He’s been a lot meaner since he relapsed, but that also comes with an even bigger portion of guilt. I imagine his face twisting with it, and it hurts my stomach even more.