Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(54)

She walked away after that, and I let her. There was nothing left to say anyway.

Once my coffee was done, I went to my room and hid out. I hated that I was hiding, but I didn’t want to see Kiera any more today. I could still hear her, which was bad enough. I heard her laughing with Denny before disappearing into the bathroom to take a shower. I lay on my bed as I listened to the water running, and images of her naked body rotated through my mind. I hated the play-by-play, and wished I could shut it off. The painful memories of what I could no longer have wouldn’t leave me though. I was stuck in a visual hell of my own creation.

As soon as I could slip out without either roommate noticing, because I couldn’t handle talking to Denny at the moment either, I left for Evan’s. I even took a few extra things with me, since I didn’t plan on coming home. I just wanted to be away for a while. I wanted to be somewhere where I wouldn’t have to see Denny and wouldn’t have to be alone with Kiera. Being around the guys was a great escape.

When I showed up at Evan’s with a duffel bag, he raised an eyebrow at me. “Care if I crash here for a couple days?” I asked.

As I expected, Evan shrugged and said, “No. Can I ask why?”

I could tell from the glint in his brown eyes that he thought it had something to do with Kiera. It did. Exactly what he’d been worried about had happened. I’d caved. I was a scumbag. But Kiera was a scumbag too, and I didn’t really want to talk about her with him.

Throwing on a trouble-free smile, I said, “Denny’s back. He was gone a long time, so I thought I’d give the happy couple some breathing room.”

My voice was a little strained on the words “happy couple,” but Evan didn’t seem to notice. He was too freaking ecstatic that Denny had returned. I know, it’s great news, isn’t it? Now you don’t have to worry about me crossing the line with his girlfriend. Well, sorry to burst your bubble there, Evan, but Denny came back one day too late for that.

While I managed to avoid my house for the most part, I wasn’t so successful in avoiding the bar. Kiera could run me away from one place, but not both. It was easier to be around her at Pete’s anyway. There was safety in numbers. It didn’t hurt so much to see her when I was surrounded by my bandmates, the bar staff, and dozens of women who would love a turn with me. If only for a night. Since that was all I was good for.

I used the opportunities at Pete’s to get back at Kiera in small, pathetic ways. It helped fuel my fire to pick on her, and anger was the only thing keeping me going lately. If I lost the anger…I think the pain of losing her, or more accurately, the pain of never having her, would consume me. Like an empty plastic jug tossed on a fire, I’d collapse in on myself, dissolving into nothing. So I stoked my rage to protect my sanity.

I flirted with Rita at the bar, acting like I was interested in going another round with her. I refused to let Kiera get my drinks for me, and she actually looked offended that I wouldn’t let her serve me. She’d served me enough. I engaged Griffin in his sordid stories, stories that might or might not have even been true. Griffin loved getting graphic about them though. I knew Kiera hated hearing it, so I made sure she had no choice but to listen. I even dragged her into the conversations whenever I could.

She flushed with color almost every time she approached our table. Griffin loved embarrassing her, so the two of us had a great time, but I heard about it from Evan later at his loft. “Why are you picking on Kiera so much?”

Ice flashed through my veins as I looked over at him. I was lying on the couch, getting ready to go to bed; he was in his “room,” reading. “I’m not picking on her.”

Evan closed his book and sat up on his bed. I mentally cringed. I didn’t want to have this conversation, not with him. “Yeah, you are. You’re being a jackass. Why? Why are you really here, Kellan?”

I sighed in my head. I’d have to go home tomorrow, just so Evan wouldn’t get suspicious. I tossed my arms out to the sides. “I’m not doing anything. I was just having a bit of fun with Griffin. I was more picking on him than anything. He’s an idiot, and ninety percent of those stories are pure crap.”

Evan laughed. “Yeah, that’s true. I don’t think Kiera realizes that though, so maybe you should ease up around her.”

I gave him a bright smile as I laid my arm over my eyes. “Yeah, sure. I wasn’t trying to make her uncomfortable or anything.” Just miserable. Like me.

The next morning, I headed back home. As long as Kiera and I didn’t look at, speak to, or get anywhere near each other, being home should be just like being at Evan’s. This would be fine. Just fine.

I opened my front door and froze. Denny and Kiera were awake. They were practically going at it on my couch. While I once found that amusing, it wasn’t so funny anymore. Pain leached up from my stomach, but I pushed it back. She was a f*cking whore who’d used me and I hated her. And I missed her.

Kiera and I locked gazes. She was sitting on Denny’s lap, her fingers in his hair. I remembered her fingers being in mine, and hate flowed through me. Damn her for hurting me. As I smirked at the skank, Denny finally noticed me. I quickly shifted my expression into an amiable smile. “Mornin’.”

“You just gettin’ home, mate?”

Denny started stroking her thighs. It reminded me of her legs wrapped around me. God, that had felt so good. She’d felt so good. But what we’d shared wasn’t real. It had only been a release to her. Fucking bitch.