Thorn Queen (Dark Swan, #2)(68)

Kiyo took her happily, still wearing that wondrous look on his face, and sat on the edge of the bed. He placed Luisa in Maiwenn's arms, and while there was no more touching than such an act required, I again had that sense of connection between them all. An intangible bond that would keep them together forever.

I wanted to leave after that. I wanted to run from this place and never come back. But, I had to stay because Kiyo wanted me to be a part of this and because it was the polite thing to do for Maiwenn. So I kept that smile frozen on my face and made small talk that I barely heard, like whether Luisa would inherit any kitsune abilities and when Maiwenn should host the celebration of her birth.

At long last, Kiyo said we had to go, and I could tell he only did so for my sake. If he'd had his way, he would have stayed all night. I told Maiwenn congratulations again and assured her of my happiness and the baby's cuteness and a dozen other things new mothers like to hear. Kiyo was full of smiles too, but as soon as we left the room, his faded.

"Was it really that awful?" he asked.

I did a double-take. "What are you talking about? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, Eugenie. You were perfect. Everything was perfect. I don't think Maiwenn noticed a thing-but then, she's pretty distracted." He sighed. "But I know you. I can see you're upset. Are you really still that worried about Maiwenn and me getting back together?"

Maiwenn and him? How could I explain that what I felt went beyond simple jealousy? It wasn't just that I feared the birth of this baby might bring them together-and that was a legitimate fear of mine-but Luisa's birth impacted me in so many other ways too. I thought about Kiyo and how much I loved him and wanted as strong a relationship as we could have-but that no matter what happened with us, we could never have a family like that. I worried again if he might cast me aside for my inadequacies. And while I was still a long way from being baby crazy or hearing my biological clock, how awful was it going to be if someday I did want a baby and couldn't have one? Or what if-God help me-I did have a baby through some accident? I could never love it, not with that prophecy hanging over my head....

"It's complicated," I said, realizing Kiyo was waiting for an answer.

"Eugenie," he said wearily. "I love you. I love you so much. This isn't going to change that. Maiwenn and I are through as lovers. I will always care about her, and we're going to work together to make sure Luisa's raised with all the love and attention she needs. But you're the woman I love, the woman who's my partner and who I want to be with forever."

His words were sweet, and they did warm part of me up. But he still didn't get the whole picture, didn't understand the tangle of emotions this birth had stirred up in me. It was so hit or miss with Kiyo lately. Some days, I felt like he knew me better than I knew myself. Other days, when it came to the issue of babies-or magic or ruling a kingdom-it was like he didn't get me at all.

"I know," I said, laying my hand on his. I certainly wasn't going to fight or debate this in the middle of Maiwenn's castle. "Look, it's okay. We'll talk about this later. Right now...well, I can tell you don't really want to go."

He shook his head. "No, no. I'm coming with you-"

"Kiyo," I said, unable to help a small smile, "I know you. I saw your face up there. You want to be with Luisa more. And you should. Stay awhile, and I'll just go back myself."

"Eugenie..." But I could tell I was right.

"It's fine. And I'll be fine. I'm the big bad Thorn Queen, remember? Besides, I want to visit that village we passed."

He was silent for several seconds. "Where will you be tomorrow? I want to find you."

"I'm not sure. In the morning I have to be back in Tucson for a job-and to talk to Roland-but after that..." So much kept happening lately that I was always shuffling one problem around for another. I hadn't had the chance to talk to Roland about Art and the Yellow River connection, nor did Kiyo know about the recent developments around that either. Before I could start to explain, Kiyo turned us in an unexpected direction.

"Do you want to go hunting fire demons?"

I regarded him with surprise. "Really?"

"Well, if you've got Jasmine and your new tricks, you've got more of a fighting chance, so I figure you might as well make it a slam dunk and bring me along. You've been wanting to get rid of them, right?"

We'd come to a stop in the hall, and the scenario was eerily parallel to when we'd been in my castle earlier. There was no chastisement or echoes of that argument now, and I was grateful. "Thank you," I said, leaning toward him. I placed a light kiss on his lips-or at least, I tried to make it light. His hand reached out and grabbed my shoulder, bringing me closer still and intensifying the kiss.

I pulled back, wondering just how weird it would be for a servant to see the father of their queen's child making out with someone else. Of course, among the gentry, that kind of thing was probably pretty typical.

"Go," I said, stepping back before I was tempted to kiss him again. "Go see your beautiful daughter. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Thanks, Eugenie." His face split into one of those wonderful grins. "And thank you for...I don't know. You understand me. I don't think anyone else does."

I smiled back and then watched him turn around. A few moments later, I turned as well. As I stepped outside into the balmy spring air, I wondered if anyone truly understood me.