Thorn Queen (Dark Swan, #2)(101)

That night, just as I used to do, I dreamed of the Thorn Land. The dream was so vivid and real. It was like I'd stepped outside my own home to go walking in the foothills, like my soul was traveling on without my body. The air was sharp and clean, filled with the fragrance of desert flowers. The sun was warm and merciless-yet comforting in its familiarity. And the colors...the colors made my dream self want to weep. Peaches and greens and all the colors of the cacti flowers looking up at the clear blue, blue of the sky. For the first time since my capture and rape, I felt at peace. I felt whole and healed in the dream.

I woke up with a longing in my chest, like there was a piece of me missing. The sharpness of it startled me-and scared me a little. Tossing on a robe, I made my way out to the kitchen, hoping coffee and breakfast would shake off that all-consuming desire to run to the Otherworld.

"Kiyo," I exclaimed. He sat at the table with coffee, both dogs at his feet. I had a weird deja vu from coffee with Roland yesterday and suspected there was "a talk" in store for me.

"Eugenie," he said, looking up from the paper. His eyes were warm and chocolate-brown, filled with so much love. He rose from his chair and approached me, arms open. I started to go into his embrace but something made me shrink back, some protective instinct of my body's to keep itself safe. I knew he wasn't Leith. I knew Kiyo loved me...but there was just something within me that was afraid to touch anyone else. My mother was the only one I'd allowed to hug me so far.

Sadness and hurt flashed through Kiyo's eyes at my rejection, but he seemed to understand. Awkwardly, he simply gave me a soft touch on the arm, which I allowed with only a slight flinch. We both sat down-after I'd fetched coffee-and he drank me in with those intense eyes, like he hadn't seen me in years. Of course, these last two weeks or so had certainly felt like years to me, so perhaps that wasn't such a bad comparison.

"How are you?" he asked. "I've missed you so much. I've been so worried."

"I'm okay. I was in good hands."

"How's your shoulder?"

I gave it a slight shrug. "Stiff. But mending. I could probably go over to the Otherworld and get someone to patch it right up."

His face instantly darkened. "I think you need to stay away from there for a while."

"Jesus Christ. Not you too. I'm that land's ruler. I have to go back." A flash of the dream came back to me. It was more than some subconscious musing, I knew. The Thorn Land and I were tied. We couldn't stay apart. I had known that being away from it would cause it to die, and now I was realizing that I might die without it as well.

"There has to be a way. I was talking to Maiwenn, and she's going to look into it. Surely, somewhere in the pages of their history, someone gave up their kingdom without dying."

"Is that a good idea?" I asked. "Me giving it up?"

"Of course," he said, shocked. "You've never wanted it. You've said so a hundred times. It'd be better for everyone. The next person bound to the land probably wouldn't transform it into a desert. You'd be free, able to go on with your life here, free of the magic...."

I narrowed my eyes. "I'll never be free of that either."

"Yeah," he agreed, stiffness in his voice, "but there'll be less temptation outside of the Otherworld. Why the hell didn't you tell me you were learning all that stuff?"

"I did tell you! I told you about Dorian sending Ysabel."

"What I saw you do in there...that was nothing like what you said she taught you."

"It happened fast...I didn't realize it half the time myself, and I didn't want to upset you."

"No one learns that fast," he muttered. I remembered Shaya's words. Storm King did.

"Well, I'm apparently not all-powerful. I lost hold of Volusian during that ordeal. He didn't come when I called."

"Oh. I thought you knew."

"Knew what?"

"He's bound to Dorian now."

I stared for several seconds. "Oh my God. I thought that might happen..."

Kiyo stared back. "You did? Then why the hell did you send him to Dorian? Why not send him to warn me?"

"For exactly that reason! If Volusian broke from my control, I knew Dorian could probably bind him."

"I suppose. But I feel like you've just given Dorian a nuclear warhead."

I didn't say it, but I had a feeling Kiyo was more upset that it was Dorian I'd contacted for help and not him.

"And that's how you found me, right? Volusian told Dorian, who then told you and Roland?" I'd heard it from Roland but wanted to hear it again.

Kiyo nodded. "We'd been looking for you as soon as you disappeared after the battle. None of us had a clue what had happened. We got Roland involved a few days later to help with a hunt in this world, but none of us..." He shook his head. "None of us had any idea that that's what had happened to you."

Awkward silence fell, each of us thinking about the things neither of us would give voice to. My imprisonment. My rape. I lowered my eyes, playing with the edge of the coffee cup. The memories were like a rollercoaster. Sometimes they'd sink way down low into the bottom of my mind. Other times, they'd flare up sharply, pushing to the forefront of my mind and unleashing all the dizzying, horrible feelings of fear, violation, and helplessness that ordeal had caused.