Thirst (Hellish #4)(22)

Jonathan didn’t look up from his book. “Once you’ve gotten everything settled, I expect a solid explanation.” He finally glanced up from his book. His face and voice hardened, becoming the leader Celeste had chosen him to be. “Or don’t return here. I’ve had my throat slit, my heart almost ripped out, and my mate kidnapped. We spent months sweeping up the bodies. All because of your issues. So you will explain or you won’t come back. Understood? We can help, or you can stay away.”

Eirik dipped his chin. It was a fair trade, considering all Jonathan had sacrificed. For now, he needed to return to Baptiste. Thankfully, Baptiste slept on. Eirik’s earlier order to remember held him in its grip. After peeking at his dreams, ensuring they were of happy times, Eirik moved to the settee, where he could keep an eye on him. Kallus followed him, holding his silence. Eirik couldn’t bring himself to look the man’s way. The only safe place to look was at Baptiste’s sleeping form. Even as Kallus settled in beside him, Eirik couldn’t turn his head and meet his mate’s gaze.

“How long do you plan on not talking to me?”

Eirik watched Baptiste’s chest rise and fall with each breath while he thought about the question. It wasn’t that he wasn’t on speaking terms with Kallus as much as he feared his voice. For three years, he’d been bound by Mammon’s presence, sticking close to Baptiste, keeping him safe but incapable of touching his mate as himself. He’d been forced to try to woo the man under the worst of circumstances, keeping his powers hidden so Mammon wouldn’t sense him. Then Jonathan had banished Mammon back to Hell, freeing Eirik. By then, he’d told too many lies. He’d held his silence while watching Baptiste suffer. His actions, while meant for Baptiste’s protection, were unforgivable. Chances were good Baptiste would wake—memories intact and hating Eirik. Being enraged with Kallus gave him an outlet for his fear. While Eirik had done the best he could with the choices available to him, Kallus had simply walked away. Were they equally guilty? Yes, but Eirik’s rage still knew no bounds.

“He’ll have questions when he wakes,” Eirik said rather than answering.

“Do you have answers?”

Eirik took a breath and chose not to respond.

“Like now, with me,” Kallus pushed. “Can you explain why I spent days being tortured for you, until Baptiste found me, yet you never once came to me after Celeste created a new form for you? Can you answer that one? Was I the lesser mate to you?”

Eirik’s eyes fell closed. He’d fallen in love, given himself a weak point, and created a target for Mammon. He didn’t regret falling in love with Baptiste and Kallus. Not only would he do it again in a minute, he fully intended to win back his mates. An overheated weight landed on him. His eyes flew open. Kallus straddled his hips and held his face between his hands, leaving him no choice but to look at him. The man’s beauty hit Eirik in the chest.

“Say it, Eirik. Tell me I never meant that much. Say you hate me for bringing evil into your life.”

Pain ripped through him. “I cannot.”

Kallus’ expression screamed how much Eirik was hurting him. “Then tell me why I mean so little.”

Eirik gripped the back of Kallus’ neck and hauled him forward, capturing his mate’s lips for the first time in over three years. Nothing had changed. He still loved these men with all that he was. He tore his mouth away but kept his forehead pressed to Kallus’ and a tight grip on the man’s neck. “I was ashamed,” he admitted with his eyes squeezed shut. “Everything is because of me. If I’d stayed away from the two of you, none of this would’ve happened. All of this is on me. How could I look at you after the pain I caused?”

“I feel the same,” Kallus said, taking him by surprise. “I’m a demon. If anyone should’ve known better, it’s me. I should’ve known loving you and Baptiste was power my father wouldn’t be able to resist. Now I’ve lost you, and Baptiste hates me more than anything I’ve ever witnessed.”

The backs of Eirik’s eyes stung. “You haven’t lost me, and Baptiste doesn’t hate you.”

Kallus’ eyes fell closed for a second. When they reopened, the other man’s pain was almost a physical thing. “He touched me and felt nothing. I’ve never seen that. All I felt was his anger.”

Despite the situation, a smile touched Eirik’s lips. “That was an evil move on his part. Celeste gave him the power to touch you without consequences,” Eirik explained when Kallus still looked broken. “Did she not tell you?”

Kallus blinked several times, as if trying to come to terms with what he was hearing. “I never saw her. After you… When I woke up, there was an angel tending to me. I was, understandably, confused to find myself in the Heavens. I asked several questions, but no one spoke to me or met my gaze. Once I was fully healed, I was set free.”

Eirik ran his fingers through Kallus’ hair. “He’s angry with you, but you’ll convince him to forgive you. You know Little Mouse never stays mad for long.” His gaze dropped to Kallus’ mouth. He couldn’t stop himself from brushing his thumb along the man’s bottom lip. “If I didn’t already know hell existed, these past three years have shown me suffering only the damned endure. But I knew it could be worse and knowing I was the reason Mammon harmed you again was too much for me. I wonder if you’ll ever forgive me, or if I’ll ever forgive myself?”