The Wrong Bride (The Windsors, #1)(69)
She grits her teeth as another tear runs down her beautiful face, and then she walks out, the door falling closed behind her softly. Raven has always been a quiet storm, unexpected yet powerful, and despite what she might think, I never stood a chance against her.
Chapter Forty-Three
Raven
“You haven’t been yourself today,” John says. “Your facial expressions were off during your shoot this morning. Are you sure you’re fine to walk this show?”
I nod as I play with the hem of my robe. All day, my thoughts have been on Ares’s words. Hearing him say that he felt trapped broke my heart. This situation isn’t ideal for either of us, but I thought that… I thought he started to have feelings for me.
When he took me to Castello Designs and then to the Lauriers, I thought that was progress for us. Now I see that he was only trying to do right by me. What Ares considers the right thing to do isn’t the same as what his heart desires.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, trying my best to clear my mind and knowing I won’t be able to. I’m filled with heartache, shame and regret. Each time I think of the way I measured his body, the outfits I’ve been wearing around the house… damn it. I’ve been making a fool of myself, and to him it’s probably just been one long guilt-trip. I should’ve believed him that day I sat in his lap, when he told me that he’d never truly want me. I can get his body to react to me, but he’ll never want me the way he wants Hannah. The memories of everything I’ve done and tried disgust me. I’ve never been this person. I’ve never forced my affection on anyone else, yet that’s exactly what I’ve been doing to Ares. Hope made me courageous to the point that I sacrificed my dignity, and what for?
“You’re not fine, Raven.” John places a hand on my shoulder and looks at me with genuine concern in his eyes. “Are you overwhelmed with work? Have I been scheduling too much in for you? Or is it something else… is it Windsor? He’s given us complete control over your schedule with just a few caveats, but you need to tell me if he’s pressuring you in private.”
I look into his eyes, unsure what to even say. It’s been a really long time since I wanted to rely on someone. The urge to ask him for a hug and cry until my heart stops aching nearly overwhelms me.
“I just didn’t sleep well,” I say eventually, dragging my gaze down as I undo the knot on my robe, letting it fall open. The designer should be in any minute now to dress me.
John’s eyes dip down, and for a moment I wonder what he sees. The world tells me I’m irresistible, yet the only man I’ve ever wanted doesn’t think the same. Am I just an object of desire for those that don’t know me? Is it my personality that makes me unappealing?
“Are you okay, Rave? I’m worried about you. Did Ares Windsor do something to you?”
I force a smile for him and shake my head. “We had an argument, but that’s all it was. I suppose that’s just what marriage is like, right? It can’t always be perfect.”
John starts to speak but is interrupted when the door opens. We both turn around, expecting the designer to walk in with the gown I’m supposed to wear, but instead, it’s Ares. He pauses when his eyes land on me, the bags underneath his eyes identical to mine. I spent the night at Sierra’s and he kept texting me all night, neither of us able to sleep.
Ares’s eyes trail down to my exposed chest, and pure rage settles in his eyes. He walks toward me and slips out of his jacket, his stride confident yet rushed. “Raven,” he says, my name sounding like a warning as he wraps his jacket around my shoulders and pulls me toward him.
He glances at John and grits his teeth. “Excuse us, please. I need a moment with my wife.”
John looks at me, and I nod. He hesitates for a moment, but then he walks away, the door falling closed behind him.
“Raven,” he repeats, his tone softer now. “What was that? Why are you… you’re half-naked in front of him. Is there something going on between you two?”
I look into his eyes, my heart heavy. I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember, yet even though I’m married to him, he still isn’t mine. “Does it matter?”
His gaze hardens, and he pulls me closer. “Of course it does. We promised each other fidelity when we got married, Raven.”
I put my arms around his shoulder, his jacket falling to the floor in the process, leaving me standing in front of him in nothing but an open robe. “I didn’t cheat on you, Ares. I’d never do that. I’m not that kind of person.”
He looks into my eyes as though he’s trying to ascertain my truthfulness. “Do you two have history?”
I look away and huff involuntarily. “Nothing like what you share with Hannah.”
His hands move around my waist, and he tightens his grip. “Rave,” he whispers, his forehead falling to mine. Ares inhales shakily and my heart wavers. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I really am.”
I push away from him, but he refuses to let me go. “Listen to me,” he pleads. “You’ve been ignoring my calls all day. I can’t take this, baby. This is not what I want our marriage to be like, okay? Didn’t we promise to communicate? Our situation is already so unconventional… the last thing I want to do is complicate it any further. Listen to me, please.”