The Wrath of Cain (The Syndicate, #1)(10)

“Fuck me. The last thing in this world I ever wanted to do was to hurt you again, baby. Before I tell you anything, I need you to know that.”

I close my eyes. Every bit of hurt from that horrible night comes rushing back. Him calling me baby is breaking me all over again.

“I had to do it, Calla. My dad left me no choice.”

My head snaps up at the mention of his father.

“What do you mean, you had no choice?”

He sighs, pulling his hand away from my knee. I avert my gaze from his down to the spot where I can still feel the warmth of his skin on mine.

“The day we got married, I came back here, and told my dad about us like I promised you I would. But it didn’t go as we’d hoped. He was pissed off, started saying shit I had no idea about. All this time I thought we were just a club... a group of people who liked to ride. I never knew the bullshit that really went down around here. The drugs. Any of it.”

He lets out a frustrated breath.

“He told me everything. Believe me, I was shocked as f*ck. He had been lying to me for f*cking years, leading me to believe he was legit. At the time I was blinded to it all. My mind was obsessed with you and me, with trying to find a way for us to be together in spite of the hatred our fathers had for one another. It wasn’t until after you were gone and my dad brought me in that I realized our parents were right all along. They were only trying to protect you from a life neither of us knew anything about.”

I sit here like a mummy wrapped so tightly that I’m unable to move any part of my body except my eyes. Cain stares straight ahead, breathing heavily. I almost feel sorry for him.

“Before I continue, I need you to tell me you believe me. When we were together I had no idea the kind of shit my dad was involved in. The entire club was a farce. He lied to me, too. Do you believe me?”

Tense silence fills the room until slowly my ire subsides. Cain never wanted this life for himself, he was born into it, and had obviously been trained to lead this club before his dad was killed.

Something you learn in law school is that when you study a person to distinguish whether they are lying or telling the truth, their voice is as telling as their face. Analyzing Cain right now, my gut instinct says he is speaking the truth.

My heart, on the other hand, wants to curl up and die. To stop beating. Losing him was by far the most traumatizing experience of my life. I felt meaningless without him. I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy. To top it all off, my parents knew? They knew this entire time and never once told me?

“I’m not sure if I believe you or not,” I say slowly. “That’s the best I’ve got for you right now. My mind is trying to absorb a lot here.”

I really don’t know if I believe him or not. What I do know is that my words must mollify him until I figure it out. I indicate with my hand for him to continue with his story.

“My dad told me I had to do whatever it would take to get you to stay away from me. He was being threatened Calla, by dangerous men. A rival MC called the Savages. We’re not talking your everyday ‘I’m going to kick your ass’ threats. We’re talking blood and murder. He tried to keep it from me, but they started threatening to get me, too.”

Cain hangs his head for a moment before looking back up at me.

“I can’t take back what I did, but at the time, I believed my father and understood that as my wife, your life was in danger, too. By the time I walked out of his office, I had less than fifteen minutes before you were supposed to be here. That’s when I saw Emerald. I knew the only way I could get you to walk away from me was by letting you see me with her.”

Whatever pain I went through, he went through it, too. His language, his posture, and the way he won’t look at me when he’s telling me this shows me enough to believe him. Our pain was shared, yet he chose to distance himself from me instead of fighting for our love, our four-hour marriage. Words to honor and protect spoken right before he screwed another woman.

“I believe you,” I tell him softly, which gets his attention. He turns to me with a wary smile on his lips, which fades at my next words.

“But... I don’t think I will ever forgive you. I just can’t wrap my head around any of it. You didn’t love me enough to fight for me. To tell your father to go to hell. To jump on your motorcycle and come and get me. You threw me away like the two years we spent together meant nothing to you. There isn’t a person in this entire world who deserved to see what I saw, to have that kind of pain to deal with. I never saw it coming. I’m beyond all that pain now. I’m coping. I have a life of my own now.”

He remains stoic for several long beats before speaking again.

“I can’t let you leave here, Calla. There’s too much danger out there for me to let you go.”

His words trigger more frustration. Standing, I lash out with the little bit of self-worth I have left.

“You can’t make me stay here. What part of that don’t you understand? My God, I said I believed you. We can both move on and chalk this up as the one big mistake we will make in our lives. You can settle down with Emerald or God knows who and have little motorcycle riding, gun shooting f*cking babies for all I care.”

I don’t have the will to be strong any longer. Everything is too much all at once. Seeing him again after all this time, noting all the changes in his body that make him even hotter now than he was even then, has made me feel the loss of every one of those six years that have gone by. My limp body sags to the floor and I cry. I cry because it’s killing me to be in this room. I cry because the man I once loved is so damn close to me, and he’s not mine anymore.