The Wish(61)

“What is it? Are you okay?”

Lost in what I was experiencing, I didn’t answer; instead, I closed my eyes. Sure enough, I eventually felt the fluttering again, like ripples moving through a pond. Though I had no prior experience, I knew exactly what it was.

“I felt the baby move.”

I waited for a bit but when nothing else happened, I settled into a more comfortable position. I knew from the book my mom had given me that in the not-too-distant future, those flickers would become kicks and my stomach would move on its own like that super-gross and scary scene in Alien. Bryce remained quiet but had paled a little, which seemed kind of funny, since he was ordinarily unflappable.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” I teased.

The sound of my voice seemed to snap him out of it. “I’m sorry,” he responded. “I know you’re pregnant, but I don’t ever really think about it. You haven’t even put on any weight.”

I rewarded his lie with a grateful smile. I’d put on thirteen pounds. “I think your mom knows I’m pregnant.”

“I didn’t tell her anything—”

“You didn’t have to. It’s a mom thing.”

Strangely, I realized that it was the first time my pregnancy had come up since we’d decorated the Christmas tree. I could tell he was curious but didn’t know how to express it.

“It’s okay to ask me questions about it,” I said. “I don’t mind.”

He set the photos on the coffee table, his expression thoughtful. “I know you just felt the baby move, but what’s it like to be pregnant? Do you feel any different?”

“I had morning sickness for a long time, so I definitely felt it then, but now it’s mainly just small things. I’m more sensitive to smell, and sometimes I feel like I need a nap. And, of course, I pee a lot, but you already know that. Other than that, I haven’t noticed much. I’m sure that will change once I start getting even bigger.”

“When’s the baby due?”

“May ninth.”

“It’s that exact?”

“According to the doctor. Pregnancies last two hundred and eighty days.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Why would you?”

He laughed under his breath before growing serious again. “Is it scary? The thought of giving up your baby for adoption?”

I deliberated over my answer. “Yes and no. I mean, I hope the baby will go to a wonderful couple, but you never really know. That part does kind of scare me when I think about it. At the same time, I know I’m not ready to be a mom yet. I’m still in high school, so there’s no way I could support her. I don’t even know how to drive.”

“You don’t have your driver’s license?”

“I was supposed to start driver’s training in November, but coming here sort of nixed that.”

“I can teach you how to drive. If my parents say it’s okay, I mean. And your aunt, of course.”

“Really?”

“Why not? There’s hardly ever any cars on the road to the far end of the island. It’s where my dad taught me.”

“Thanks.”

“Can I ask another question about the baby?”

“Of course.”

“Do you get to name her?”

“I don’t think so. When I went to the doctor, the only thing he asked was whether I wanted to hold the baby after giving birth.”

“What did you say?”

“I didn’t answer, but I don’t think I will. I’m afraid that if I do, it might be harder to give her up.”

“Have you ever thought about names? If you could name her, I mean?”

“I’ve always liked the name Chloe. Or Sofia.”

“Those are beautiful names. Maybe they should let you name her.”

I liked that. “I have to admit, I’m not looking forward to labor. With first babies, sometimes it can last for more than a day. And I have no idea how an entire baby will…”

I didn’t finish, but that was okay. I knew he understood when I saw him wince.

“If it makes you feel better, my mom has never mentioned how hard labor was. She does, however, remind us that none of us were good sleepers, and that we’re still responsible for making up for her sleep-deprived years.”

“That would be hard. I do like sleeping.”

He brought his hands together and I saw the muscles in his forearm flex. “If you leave in May, will you go straight back to school?”

“I don’t know,” I answered. “I guess it depends on whether I’m all caught up or even ahead. I might not need to be there except for finals, and I might be able to take them at home. I’m sure my parents will have an opinion on it, too.” I ran a hand through my hair. “They’re supposed to come visit me at the end of the month.”

“I’m sure it will be nice for you to see them.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, but the truth was, I felt ambivalent about it. Unlike my aunt, they weren’t the most relaxing people to be around.

“Do you have any crazy cravings?”

“I love my aunt’s beef Stroganoff, mainly because it’s the best ever. And right now, I’m kind of in the mood for a grilled cheese sandwich, but I don’t know if that counts as a craving. I’ve always liked them.”