The Will(144)

I looked up and watched him walk to me.

So tall. His shoulders so very broad. His bearing so strong.

His eyes locked to me.

Mickey let my hands go and leaned back as I stood, my eyes glued to Jake.

Then I was in his arms and I burst back into tears.

“You…you were…were right,” I stammered into his chest, folding my arms around him and holding on tight.

“Shh, baby, no I wasn’t.”

“It-it’s…all too much.”

“You can handle it,” he declared

The instant he said them, his words drove through me in a profound way. Also in that instant, I knew he was right and he was wrong.

When I got the call from the nursing company to tell me that Gran had died, I was on the beach in Malibu. Henry was shooting a model wearing a ten thousand dollar couture gown that was wet at the hem from standing near the surf.

He would have wanted me to interrupt him when I got the news. In fact, when I told him later, he was cross with me that I didn’t interrupt him but he tried to hide it due to the circumstances.

Now I knew just how much he would have wanted that.

But I didn’t interrupt him.

I moved quietly to the tent set up for hair and makeup, which was thankfully empty, and I spent my emotion alone.

And I’d felt that.

Precisely that.

Alone.

Acutely alone.

With Gran gone, I felt utterly alone.

And lost.

And further, I felt afraid, thinking I’d never really have Henry and with Gran gone, I’d never really have anything again.

Eliza Weaver was not Gran but she was a sweet woman who would make the world poorer for her loss.

I knew it was not just Eliza I was grieving but also the loss that was still fresh that was Gran and the even fresher, albeit different loss of Henry.

But in losing all that, I was no longer alone.

Mickey had found me on the street and he’d taken care of me.

And Jake was right there, tall, broad, strong, holding me close, his big body absorbing my tremors, the physical ones as well as the emotional.

Something I’d never had from anyone, not even really Henry.

No one but Gran.

And now Jake.

So he was wrong, I couldn’t handle it. On my own, I could not do that.

But I was not on my own.

I had him.

So he was also right.

I could handle it.

And I loved that.

But mostly, I knew in that distressing instant that normally would have been a sorrowful memory, that I loved him.

So I would remember standing in Jake Spear’s arms in a fire station, crying for a dying friend, for the loss of my Gran, for the end of what was with Henry.

I’d remember it for the rest the rest of my life.

And I’d treasure it.

*

“Hey!” I heard called.

I stopped pushing my cart through Wayfarer’s with some urgency and turned to look down the aisle.

What I saw made my back go straight.

It was Sunday morning and I was heading to Jake’s for food, football and family time. The Taylors were coming over. Conner didn’t have to work. And I’d talked Jake into letting me cook.

I was in a hurry because I couldn’t wait to get there.

But I had to pick up food first.

On Friday, Jake had taken me to see Eliza.

Since then, I had not bothered Arnie, but instead phoned Reverend Fletcher on Saturday to discover if the dire event had come to pass.

“Not yet, Josephine, but I would expect sad news very soon,” he’d informed me gently.

I left it at that but asked Reverend Fletcher to let me know if he heard any news.

Thus far, nothing.

Taking my mind off this, Alyssa (who I had called to give her this news after Jake dropped Ethan and me off at Lavender House for we had to go straight to the school from the hospice to pick him up) and I had a marvelous time at Jake’s club the night before.

She talked Sofie into watching her kids and Junior came with her.

With Jake (mostly, sometimes he had business to see to), we all sat at the bar, drank and talked.

In doing this, I found that I very much liked Junior. He was surprisingly soft-spoken, though his language was just as coarse as his wife’s. Oddly, however, it was rather attractive coming from a large, frightening-looking man with a soft voice

I liked him more watching him with his wife in a gentleman’s club and noting that not even once did his eyes stray to the dancers.

He wasn’t being good in order not to get into trouble.

He was all about Alyssa.

And when I noticed that, I noticed that Jake did the exact same thing with me. Although he’d had occasion to see the dancers far more often than Junior, a beautiful near-naked woman was a beautiful near-naked woman.

Jake was not interested in them.

But he made it clear he was very interested in me.

The night was rather late and unfortunately ended with some incident Jake had to see to so Junior and Alyssa took me home.

Even losing Jake to work, the evening on the whole was highly enjoyable.

However, I didn’t care how late the night was before. I’d get up whenever needed to get to the grocery store to buy the ingredients for my truffle risotto, what I intended to make for food, football and the Spear family.

It wasn’t tacos and Ro-Tel dip but it was fabulous and the way the children and Jake tucked into my food, I knew they’d agree.