The Wicked Governess (Blackhaven Brides Book 6)(29)

“Colonel Fredericks said nothing like that.”

“He wouldn’t to you and Lady Tamar, would he?”

“I suppose not,” she said honestly. “But then, I don’t believe Colonel Fredericks is a gossiping kind of gentleman. Nor would he spread tales about a man he respects.”

“Respects?” He laughed, a harsh, grating sound. “My dear girl, there is nothing to respect.”

She didn’t know if she hurt for him believing such a thing, or for herself in case it was true. “Why not?” she asked unsteadily.

He took a gulp of brandy. “That is a story for another day. For the rest, you’d better hear it from me because I don’t want a whisper to reach Rosa from other sources.” He gazed toward the fire, as though seeing his story in the flames. “I came home after more than two years abroad, sick and injured, to discover my wife expecting another man’s child. Not only that, he was living in my house. I threw him out, and the next day, my wife and her unborn child died.”

Caroline swallowed. Everything in her ached. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Why should you be sorry? The news was all round London within hours. So as soon as my wife was buried, I took Rosa and left.”

Caroline nodded slowly. “But it wasn’t that tragedy that deprived her of speech, was it?”

He shook his head. “No. She’d stopped talking almost a year before that. No one could tell me why. Even my wife.”

“You carry a lot of guilt,” Caroline said quietly, “for something that wasn’t your fault.”

He glanced at her. “I’ve given up apportioning faults. I have my share of them. For one, this isolation is not just for Rosa’s sake. I need it.”

“I gathered that.”

A smile flickered across his face and vanished. “Of course, you did. But I accept that I am a selfish bas—” He broke off. “A selfish man. Begin your plan for Rosa if you will. On one condition.”

“That if I catch one whiff of the scandal you mentioned, we do not attend the party?”

“What a superior governess you are. Except that you may, of course, attend the party under any and all circumstances. You never know, you might find a prince to sweep you off your feet.”

“My feet remain firmly on the ground,” she said dryly.

He sat back, regarding her over his brandy. “Come, Miss Grey, is there no romance in your cynical soul? You are young and attractive. You can’t have given up hope of a better life than governess to someone else’s children.”

“It is the life I have chosen,” she said stiffly, rising to her feet. “And I am perfectly content.”

“Why do I not believe that?” he murmured.

“I have no idea. I have given you no cause to doubt my honesty or my commitment.”

She swung away, hurrying to the door before she said more, or, worse, succumbed to the emotion suddenly tearing her up. She didn’t expect him to move, let alone do so with such speed that he suddenly blocked her passage to the door.

“Don’t run away. I was only teasing in my clumsy way. I did not mean to make you angry.”

“I would not presume,” she muttered.

His lips curved. “Yes, you would.”

She hiccoughed an unexpected laugh, and his smile broadened encouragingly.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you,” he said ruefully.

“I am not upset,” she said, drawing in her breath. “Not really. Merely, I gave up all notions of marriage and motherhood before I took my first position.”

He searched her eyes. “Someone let you down.”

“It is a common story. Unfortunately, I am not a woman who changes her affections with ease.”

“Then you still love him?”

It was a pain she had lived with for so long that she was almost surprised to find it lessened. To find him lessened to something almost paltry. It was the damaged man before her who filled her mind. And her heart.

No. Please no.

“I don’t think of such things,” she said desperately. “They mean nothing to me now. Excuse me.”

She bolted ignominiously from the study, resolving never to be alone with him again.

*

“You got him to drink the waters,” Miss Benedict said in a stage whisper. “Thank you!”

Caroline, who’d just taken her seat at the dinner table, flushed. “I merely showed him the way to the pump room.”

“Well, I’m sure I see an improvement already. You must go every day, Javan.”

“Must I?”

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask exactly what his injuries were, but since it was none of her business, and might, besides, upset Rosa, she swallowed back her questions and concentrated on her dinner.

Miss Benedict chattered about what a pleasant town Blackhaven was, and it was finally borne in upon Caroline that none of them had ever been there before today.

“Miss Grey, how is your handwriting?” Mr. Benedict asked in a rare pause.

“Legible, I believe,” she replied. “Why?”

“I have an additional task for you, if you wish. I would pay you extra for it, of course.”

“What would it entail?” she asked suspiciously.

“Making a fair copy of my semi-illegible notes.”