The Unexpected Duchess (Playful Brides #1)(57)

His intense green eyes narrowed on her. “Why since childhood? What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head and reached for a cluster of dark purple grapes.

“I’d like to know,” he answered softly.

Something about the tender way he said it made Lucy want to answer him. She pushed a grape into her mouth and chewed and swallowed thoughtfully. “I … my brother died when we were children.”

A small spark of surprise flashed through his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he replied, still looking at her intently. “Is that who you were speaking of, who you’d lost, that day we went riding in Hyde Park?”

Lucy nodded.

“What happened to him?” Derek’s voice was solemn.

Lucy looked away. It made her a bit uneasy. For the first time in her life, she felt as if someone was actually listening to her. Truly listening. The way Derek looked at her, kept his attention focused on her, asked her these difficult questions. No one had ever seemed to truly care before. It was a bit disconcerting.

She took a deep breath. She hadn’t shared this story with anyone. Well, Garrett, and Cass, and Jane knew of course, but she hadn’t told anyone else. Not ever. “We both got the fever. We were sick for months. Ralph died. I survived.”

Derek nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry, Lucy,” he murmured again.

Lucy took a sip of her wine. “Yes, well. The wrong child died. At least as far as my parents were concerned.”

Derek cursed softly under his breath. His gaze captured hers. “You can’t mean that.”

She glanced away, unable to meet his eyes. “It’s all right. I knew they wanted my brother to live. And believe me, I would have traded places with him if I could have.”

“How old were you?” His eyes still watched her intently. He was listening to her answers as if he truly cared.

She swallowed. “Seven.”

He reached lightly across the blanket and touched the top of her hand. “That’s awfully young to take on such guilt.”

She pulled her hand away slowly, self-consciously. “I had no choice.”

He watched her again with those intense, knowing eyes. “Were your parents bad to you?”

She smiled a humorless smile. “No. In some ways I wish they would have been. It would have made it easier to bear, I think. Instead they just ignored me. It was as if I didn’t exist. As if they had no children after that.”

“That’s wrong,” Derek said softly. “Ignoring a child is the worst sort of cruelty.”

Lucy sucked in her breath. For the first time in her life she’d actually had someone say those words to her. She’d felt it in her heart her entire life, that her parents’ treatment of her after her brother’s death had been wrong, but she’d never had another person, another living being, acknowledge it. It felt good. It finally felt freeing. She gave him a wan smile. “Thank you for that.”

“It is. It’s wrong. I’m sorry that happened to you. I cannot imagine how difficult your childhood must have been.”

She shrugged. “I did what any ignorant child would have and went about trying to get my parents’ attention any way I could, by performing acts of bravery and defiance. I tried to be the boy they no longer had.”

His brow creased. “How did you do that?”

“I challenged boys to duels. I rode horses astride. I fished. I shot. I even asked my father if I could go to Eton.” She nibbled on a bit of cheese.

Derek smothered a smile. “You did not.”

She sighed. “I’m afraid I did.”

He propped up his knee and rested his wrist atop it. “What did your father say to that?”

“He called the governess and told her to remove me from his study immediately.” Lucy took another small bite of cheese.

Derek shook his head. “And so you grew up and developed a penchant for bluntness?”

“Yes. I had few females to learn from really. My mother completely ignored me, my aunt allowed me to do anything I pleased, and my governess barely paid attention. I was entirely preoccupied with attempting to turn myself into a boy. I became far too blunt.”

“How did you become friendly with Lady Cassandra?” He looked genuinely curious.

The question about Cass reminded Lucy why they were there. Derek was not her beau. He was Cass’s. And she would do well to remember that. She leaned back, bracing her hands behind her against the soft grass under the blanket, and sighed. “Cass is an angel. She lived at the neighboring estate. I’d ride my horse over and spend time with her. She’s the only girl of my age who didn’t scorn me and think I was far too crass in my manners and appearance.”

He grinned. “How did her mother react to that?”

Lucy snorted softly. “Oh, Cass’s mother has never cared a bit for me, I’m afraid. In fact, my original intention in going over to their estate was to attempt to get Owen to play with me.”

“Owen?”

“Cass’s older brother.”

“And did he?”

“No. He was always perfectly nice but Lady Moreland insisted I stay away from him.”

“And not her daughter?”

“Cass took one look at me and thought she might help me be more ladylike, I presume, because we did become fast friends. She sees the best in everyone. Especially me. I’ve always been a mess. Other young ladies’ mamas wouldn’t even let them consort with me. But Cass has always been loyal to me.”