The True Cowboy of Sunset Ridge (Gold Valley #14)(104)

And it would. Longer than their own flawed genetics, that was for sure and certain.

Because the land was honest. The land endured.

In spite of the frailties of men.

Yeah, he had a grim acceptance of those frailties. But not now. Not in this.

“The bastard who fathered you hurt you?”

“Not me as badly as my mother. I was very young. I barely remember it.”

But he could tell from her voice that she did remember it. That it had lasting effects on her. And he knew well how true that was. Because his family was marred by violence, so how could he not know?

“Nelly,” he said. “Why did you never tell me this before?”

“We don’t talk,” she said. “And plus... When we came here, when we started over—new last names, new clothes, new everything—my mom said we were best to leave it behind. She said that we had to remember the lessons. That you can’t just trust men, even if they say nice things. Even if they say the right things, do the right things, you can’t simply trust them. That you have to be wary. All the time.”

“Nelly, have you ever thought that maybe that’s why you were a virgin?”

She laughed. “Yes. But... The thing is, Tag, I’ve never been afraid of you. Ever.”

And that hit him funny. Because he was descended from the kind of man who was just like her father. He was a cycle in repeat. And she knew it.

It also explained why her mother had been extra kind to the McCloud boys. She probably felt guilt. A lot of it. But then, at the time especially, there had been nothing anyone could do. The state trooper that patrolled the area that Four Corners was in was old friends with Seamus McCloud. There would be no help coming for the McCloud boys. They would be left to their own devices, left to police themselves.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re a good man. Look, you’ve driven me crazy for years. But I could see, even in all of that, that you were... That you were good. And I wanted... I wanted to kiss you. When I was fifteen. And it terrified me. It terrified me because I thought that I was supposed to stay away from men. I mean, obviously that’s not practical for forever. I don’t really know what my plan was.” She looked haunted all of a sudden. “I just haven’t had a plan. I have been small and sad in the pursuit of safety and self-protection. Whether that was carving out a spot for my grief and guilt, or for the fear that I felt over my father. But here’s what I can tell you—I’ve seen men like him. And it doesn’t matter that I was little when we left. I remember. You’re not that man. You’re not just... In a battle to not become that man, and I feel like you think you are.”

“I’ll never be complacent,” he said. “None of us will. It’s pride that tells a man he’s never going to become the kind of monster he’s seen around him.”

“How do you know? Did your father ever even try? Do you know?”

“No,” he said. “I haven’t had a conversation with my old man in... Ever. We never had a conversation. And now he’s gone.”

“Did Gus kill him?”

He looked at her, then huffed out a laugh. “Is that what people think?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I may have heard Alaina Sullivan say that she thought he might have. I didn’t take it very seriously until now.”

“Why now?”

“Because I realize how heavy it is for you. I wouldn’t tell.”

“No,” he said. “Gus didn’t kill him. He beat him up. Told him never to come back. Told him that... If he stayed, he might end up in an early grave, and who would convict him? Got the ranch signed over to us. That’s the story Gus told, anyway. And I believe it. I believe him.”

“That easy?”

He nodded slowly. “I don’t know what made my father do anything he did. I think that’s the worst part. I wish I knew. I wish I knew what made a person decide their whole life was going to be filled with alcohol and pain. They were going to just be a miserable cost to everyone around them. Run off their wife... He actually worshipped my mother. He would get drunk and he would say things, but he never laid a hand on her.

“Never raise your fist to a lady, he said. Just be a cruel ass, constantly. Of course, she left us to bear the brunt of it, so I don’t know why that bothered her so much to be around it. She was okay with the idea of leaving us to it. To be honest, I think she believed he’d come after her, and I kind of think that’s what she wanted. But he didn’t. Instead... He took it out on us.”

“Tag...” She laughed, but he knew it wasn’t because anything was funny. “We’re a lot more the same than it seems.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Not in ways anyone wants to be.”

“Who would’ve thought?”

He didn’t know why, but it got to him. Somewhere down much deeper than he wanted to admit. Deeper than he ever wanted to acknowledge. This woman.

And he had to wonder if there was something that he had recognized in her from the moment he’d first seen her. But that seemed crazy. Because what the hell could it even be?

She was strong. And she didn’t wear all her hurts like armor. She was still soft. And she was still sweet. And she was still far more than a McCloud could ever hope to have. Could ever hope to hold. But maybe it was that very thing that made it all work. Maybe it was that very thing that called to him. Because he didn’t have any sweetness of his own, that was for damn sure.