The Things We Keep(66)

*

That night, when I extend my arm under the thin-blanket, he’s there. How, I have no idea. After the brief hand-holding at lunch, Fat and Skinny didn’t leave us alone. Every time he looked at me, one of them was in my face, suggesting Scrabble (whatever that is). But tonight Blondie is on duty. She must have allowed him to take liberties.

He half sits, half lies on the sleeping bench and looks at me. “I w-wish this were the beginning,” he says. “Like for the c … c … couple who got … marr … married.”

In the moonlight, I see tears in his eyes. It’s the first time I’ve heard him talk in … I don’t know how long.

“I was thinking that, too,” I say. “Imagining what our life would be like. We’d have a house, our own house, with no … helper-people.” I pull myself up on one elbow. “A cottage with a spare room that we’d say was a study, but we’d both know it would be the baby’s room. You’d pretend the idea of a baby terrified you when it actually thrilled you.”

He smiles. A tear slides from the corner of his eye.

“We wouldn’t have one of those after-wedding vacations because we’re flat broke, but you’d surprise me with a flying balloon ride over the city.”

“I’m … don’t … heights.”

“Which makes it all the more sweet,” I say. I’m starting to enjoy this fantasy.

“We’d have a cat,” I say, and Luke pouts. “Who we’d call Dog. After we’d been married for a little while, I’d go off that drug that stops babies from being made, reasoning that it could take months or even years to make a child, and then we’d find out the very next month that we had made a baby. The baby is a boy and we’ll call him—”

He holds up his hand, stopping me mid-sentence. “Only … one baby?”

“I’m nearly forty. It’s unlikely we’ll have an army.”

“Then—” He stops. It’s getting harder for him, this speaking. “—a girl.”

I roll my eyes, even though I’m delighted that he is joining in. “Fine. A girl then. She has your eyes—”

“And your…” He frowns, then grabs a piece of my hair and tugs it.

“Curls,” I say, “which she hates!”

He grins, indenting a dimple.

“She has you wrapped around her little finger,” I say.

He chuckles. And I can see it: Him and me and our little girl. And it’s the funniest thing—when I wrap my arms around my stomach, I can actually feel a little bump.





33

Eve

It might be futile, but the night after I leave Anna and Luke in the room together, I allow myself to hope. Maybe it will all be fine? Maybe Anna and Luke will fall asleep in each other’s arms and I’ll be able to move them back in the morning before anyone notices? Maybe I’ve done them a service, allowing them to have an entire night together—probably the last they’ll ever have?

I arrive as early as I can manage. The residents’ doors are all shut. The place is in silence. A good sign. I tap on Luke’s door quietly and hurry inside.

My heart sinks. It’s empty.

Anna’s room is empty, too. I creep around, looking for signs of them, but they are nowhere to be seen. Finally I go to the nurses’ room. As I enter, Rosie glances up. Anna and Luke sit opposite her, in a pair of armchairs.

“Morning, Eve,” she says. “Why don’t you sit down and tell me what is going on?”

It could be worse, I tell myself. It could have been Eric who caught me, not Rosie. Then again, Rosie is probably the closest thing I have to a friend right now, apart from Anna, and I don’t feel good about betraying her.

“How long has this been going on?” she asks when Anna and Luke are back in their rooms and we are in the hall.

“A couple of weeks.”

“A couple of weeks?” Rosie puts a hand to her temple and starts to pace. “Are you crazy? Do you realize you could get fired for this?”

“Only if you tell Eric.”

She stops pacing. “Are you serious?”

“I know you should tell Eric,” I say. “But I’m hoping you don’t.”

Rosie is incredulous. “Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because Anna and Luke should be allowed to be together. And you know it.”

Her eyes flash. I’m taking a risk, saying this. I don’t know for sure that is how she feels, but it’s a pretty strong instinct.

“So what have you been doing, exactly?” she says. “Going into Anna’s room every night, dragging her out of bed, and wheeling her into Luke’s room?”

Sounds pretty crazy when she puts it like that. “Pretty much.”

“And then?”

“I leave her there for a few minutes, then bring her back. But last night, you interrupted, so I couldn’t take her back.”

“So you don’t usually leave them overnight?”

“No.”

Rosie seems relieved to hear this. She thinks for a minute. “And … are they happier when they see each other, do you think?”

“Infinitely happier.” A feeling of hopefulness starts to bubble up. “And they’ve been so much more settled during the daytime—”