The Space In Between(47)

“Okay.”
“Okay.” I stood up to step away for a moment. “Now, if you would excuse me please. I must use your bathroom.”
Or, well, go find Andrea.
Same difference.


Chapter Twenty-Nine

I’D NEVER BEEN so frozen in place. It was all the same. I didn’t know why I’d thought my mom would had changed anything around, or taken anything away. She didn’t handle change well—I guess it ran in the family.
The photos were still taped to my mirror and the walls. And looking at Derrick and me smiling made me realize that the photos were still, attached to my heart. But that wasn’t what made me freeze.
My eyes shifted to my open closet. There it was—my wedding dress hanging in the closet, zipped up and sealed in the plastic bag for protection from any harm. I aggressively cleared my throat and murmured to myself. “Don’t be stupid.”
I wanted Order, and I knew if I kept letting myself feel weak and falling into these moments of weakness I would never get to it. I had to face my demons instead of letting them trample over me. It was time to face it.
One step closer.
My heart started to pound in my chest. The blood flow to my brain must have slowed down because a dizzy spell took me over.
Two steps closer.
My tongue pressed against the roof of my mouth as I wrapped my arms around my body. It felt as if the windows were opened. My eyes shifted towards the window frame, but I was shocked to find it sealed shut. How could that be? I was freezing.
Three steps.
There was no going back. The closet was before me and the white bag was peacefully resting on the hanger. It hadn’t been bothered in months. Did I truly have the right to open it? What if it didn’t give me any comfort by looking at it? It would only remind me of him. It would only push me back into the house and away from the porch I was desperate to step off in order to follow Cooper to a new beginning.
One step back.
“Don’t you dare.”
My head swirled around and landed on Cooper leaning against the doorframe. He was calm, and I wondered how long he had been there. I nervously patted my fingers against my lips and glanced back towards the white bag.
“But what if…” I whispered turning back to the handsome man who had found it his job to make sure I was all right.
“No what ifs. Keep moving forward.” He nodded at the dress and I let out a short sigh. A few more steps I took. The sound of the zipper lowering was the only noise heard, but I was almost certain Coop could hear the beating of my heart.
And there it was. Still perfect. Still white. Pure. Everything I wasn’t anymore.
And I laughed.
I cracked up. It was so beautiful and I was so not the person who would have worn that dress. I laughed so hard my stomach started to cramp up. This was such a funny situation I had found myself in and I couldn’t control myself. I looked to Cooper to join in with my laughter and was surprised when he didn’t.
He slipped his hands into his pockets, stern look on his face, and he continued leaning. “Look again, Andrea.”
My chuckles vanished as my eyes traveled over the satin dress. I allowed myself to run my fingers across the beaded waistline. I caressed the sweetheart neckline. And I allowed myself to remember.
The tears followed. I turned to Cooper and wondered why he had asked me to face the truth, the loss the dress stood for. He walked over to me and wiped my tears as I shook my head back and forth. “I feel like such a baby.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” he promised.
“What do you mean? Coop, since we met up you have seen me cry more than anyone. There is something wrong with that.”
“Why do babies cry?” I didn’t say anything. I stood there as he placed his hands on my shoulders. His green eyes stared into my blues. “Babies come out crying for a reason. It’s not a sign of weakness— it’s a sign of strength. It’s a battle cry, saying to the universe, ‘I am here and I am f*cking alive.’ So if you were quiet and empty after the horrific accident you experienced, I would be terrified. But tears…tears mean you can feel. Tears are a sign of life. And I’m so happy you are alive, Andrea. Because I’m almost certain for most of the past six months you have been dead.”
He was right.
After awhile of talking, I informed him that Ladasha said we should meet her and the others at the bar. He agreed, saying it sounded like a decent plan and it would be good to get me around some of my past so I could start moving towards my future. If I didn’t face the people, the places, and the feelings Derrick’s and my hometown, I would never be able to move on.





A FRIDAY NIGHT in a small town bar was always like a high school party. You knew everyone, and they were all drunk, loud, and dancing. When Cooper and I walked in, I smirked at seeing Michelle dancing on top of the bar with Ladasha. Michelle kept dancing closer and closer to Ladasha, and Dasha giggled. They were both wasted out of their minds and looked to be having a grand time. I needed a drink.
Walking to the bar with Cooper, I smiled to the familiar face behind the counter. “Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in! Andrea Evans, as I live and breathe!” Colin Gates hollered over the loud music as he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Cooper’s eyes narrow and watched as his jaw tightened up.
Oh…look who was jealous now.
“Colin! I thought you moved down to Florida!” I yelled.
“Yeah, well, I came back to help my dad out with the bar. You know this town— it has a way of pulling you back in.” I knew exactly what he meant. Colin and I went to school together, and he was the sweetest guy next to Derrick. He moved to Florida right after high school and I hadn’t seen him since.