The Slow Burn (Moonlight and Motor Oil #2)(68)

Her head jerked. “She blamed you?”

“Said I made her angry, and because I did the accident was my fault.”

“That’s insane,” she snapped.

He shrugged.

“It’s insane, Toby,” she stated firmly.

He gave her a squeeze. “I know it was, Addie. I’m not shouldering that blame. I’m also not hip to get in a car, any car, with anyone, where I’m not drivin’. Dave. Johnny. I’m good. Anyone else, I want control.”

She nodded. “I see that.”

He studied her closely as he said carefully, “She was not the first or the last dose of crazy I have in my history.”

“Well, you met Perry, so I bet I beat you,” she mumbled.

“One of my girlfriends stole my truck because I shared with her I didn’t want to marry her, not after actually asking her to marry me, which I didn’t, and I wasn’t even thinking about it. But because she decided that was going to happen and she rented some hall for our reception. She took my truck because she was gonna sell it since she reckoned I owed her the deposit she wasn’t gonna get back.”

Addie stared down at him, her lips barely moving when she said, “Holy shit.”

“Yeah. Then there was the woman who told me I got her pregnant, even though I’ve always been all about the condom, and as far as I knew, one never broke. By the time she told me this shit, she was nearly due. But when the kid came out black, and she’s white, and as you know, so am I, I didn’t bother asking for a DNA test. She knew the kind of guy I was and that I’d be into having a kid, maybe even if it wasn’t mine, so she was hedging her bets. But after he came out, I knew she just wanted my money. The kid was cute as fuck, but his mother was a user and a scammer, and she kept trying, carrying on about how she didn’t know, but the jig was up. I walked away. Fortunately, she was smart enough not to push it, and I never saw her again.”

“Okay, maybe you win,” she said quietly.

“And you’ve seen firsthand what a winner Jocelyn is.”

She rolled her eyes.

“What I’m tryin’ to say is my history with women has been rocky, that’s on me and you gotta know I get that,” he admitted. “But because I do, in the end, I’m gonna get it right.”

Addie assumed a confused look. “How’s it on you?”

“Just like my dad, until you, my choices weren’t sterling.”

Unexpectedly, and instantly, she got pissed.

Also instantly, she explained why.

“Well, you know, when Perry asked me to marry him, he told me he loved me, his world revolved around me and he couldn’t think of a life without me. He didn’t tell me that would wane once we decided to start a family or that he’d eventually quit the band, sit on the couch all day, not look for a job and bang some woman who was not me in a bed I bought. And I’m sorry, but none of that is on me. I loved him. I trusted him. I believed in him. And he fucked me over.”

“You’re right. It isn’t on you,” Toby agreed.

He had more to say but that was all he got out before she kept going.

“And my father was handsome. He was a dreamer. He was a talented musician and songwriter. He had a beautiful voice. He wrapped my mom up in that dream and carried her away from her family. And it isn’t on her she believed him. It isn’t on her that he didn’t get discovered and whisked to LA and lauded as the next Lou Reed. It isn’t on her he lost faith in his own damned self in his twenties and took that out on her with his fists. She loved him. She trusted him. She believed in him. And he fucked her over.”

“Baby,” he murmured, about to roll her and attempt to pull her out of the place he’d inadvertently taken her, but she kept talking fiercely.

“I have not met your father or your mother, but I know both men he made, and I can tell you this, his choice of wife and mother to his sons was not some curse he bestowed on you. Some men suck. Some women suck. I couldn’t even begin to understand why they do what they do. But it isn’t on the people they do it to. I actually hope one day your mother comes back and explains herself to you, because there is nothing she can say that won’t make her seem anything but what she is. Shallow and selfish and wrong. And if you know that, you’ll get it. You’ll get it’s all on her. Though I bet your father loved her. Trusted her. Believed in her. It was just that she fucked him over.”

“Honey, stop,” he ordered.

She didn’t stop.

“I won’t have you taking that on, Toby. It’s not right.”

“Okay, Addie, I won’t take it on.”

She shut her mouth.

“I didn’t mean to take you there with Perry and your dad.”

“Toby.” She said his name tersely. “Perry didn’t damage me. I know his shit isn’t mine. My point is, your mom’s shit isn’t yours. It wasn’t your dad’s. It’s hers. And I’m sensing you’re still eating it, and that has to stop.”

Toby said nothing because he saw nothing, not Addie’s beautiful, protective face, not her body on his.

His mind was gone.

Riding the wave of her words.

“Baby,” she called.

Toby stared at her not seeing her.

“Toby, honey, come back to me,” she urged, cupping her hand along the side of his face.