The Skylark's Secret(67)

As if sensing his sadness, Daisy toddles across to him, grabbing his knee to steady herself, and hands him Blue Bunny. He smiles at her then lifts her on to his lap, carefully pushing the mug of hot tea out of her reach. But I can see he’s distracted, that he’s still back in that too-empty house of his own childhood.

‘We’d creep about, trying not to disturb Mrs C on her bad days. There were lots of them, days when she couldn’t get herself out of her bed. And who could blame her? All three of her boys gone like that. It was the same for so many other families across the Highlands. And in these small crofting communities, the loss of their young men was a devastating blow.’

I think of my mum and the Carmichaels and all those other people who lost so much in the war. They were a generation who had to get used to goodbyes. I realise how fortunate I was to be born just as the war ended, into a generation that knew only the optimism of a peace-filled future.

I watch Davy as he smiles at Daisy, taking her tiny paw in his much larger one to play ‘round and round the garden’. His eyes are as dark as a storm-blown sea, but as warm as the sun-warmed stones on a summer’s evening, too. His face is etched with the lines of his life’s story, weathered by the wind and the losses he’s had to bear. Yet at the same time, he seems at peace with himself and with the world that has taken so much from him. I think of him playing with the band in the bar, how the music seems to flow from within him until it’s hard to say where his arms end and the guitar begins because they are all part of the same song. Maybe his music has played a part in healing those old wounds. They’ve left their scars, that’s for sure. But maybe playing the songs and singing the words that so many have sung before him have helped to lead him to a place where he’s been able to find a way to live with the loss. Perhaps that’s the only way to deal with grief. It’s such a heavy load to bear alone – but knowing that there are always others to share it is a help.

My own grief has been a heavy load to bear. So heavy that I’ve done my very best to push it aside and ignore it, I realise.

Daisy chuckles and reaches a hand up to stroke Davy’s face, urging him to play the game. ‘’Gain!’

And as he obliges, something seems to shift inside me, slightly thawing the cold lump of grief that’s sat there for so long.

He glances up at me and catches sight of something in my expression – the broadness of my smile, perhaps, or the look of tenderness in my eyes – that makes him raise his eyes to mine, questioning. I hold his gaze, giving my answer.

He swallows, as if picking up the courage to say something, and I wait, allowing him time.

‘D’you think Bridie and Mairi might be persuaded to babysit and we could go out for a meal one evening?’ he asks. ‘Just the two of us, maybe?’

I nod. ‘I’d like that. Very much.’

‘It’s a date, then.’ Davy smiles at me. ‘Not a date-date, of course,’ he adds.

I can’t help but blush.

‘Although,’ he says, his eyes not leaving my face, ‘I wonder if a date-date might in fact be a possibility at some point? What do you reckon, Lexie?’

‘What?’ I say, in mock astonishment. ‘Are you actually asking me on a real date-date, Davy Laverock?’

‘Well, yes, I think I am. Of course, Bridie and Mairi and everyone else in Aultbea will know exactly what we’re up to and be keeping a close eye on the pair of us. So you’ll have to be home before midnight or your reputation will be mud.’

I laugh. ‘I’ve a feeling my reputation went out the window many years ago. But if you don’t mind risking your own, consorting with the scarlet woman of Ardtuath, then I’d love to.’

‘Okay then. How about tomorrow?’

I nod. ‘Okay then,’ I say, echoing the hint of relief that I detect behind his words. ‘Tomorrow it is. A real date-date.’



Davy picks me up and we go to the best restaurant in town. Of course, it’s also the only restaurant in town, at the hotel. It feels a bit strange not to be going into the bar for a change, and at first we’re both a little self-conscious to be sitting face to face across a table set with linen napkins and glistening wine glasses. The hotel sits right down on the loch shore so at least we have the welcome distraction of the view across the water, where the setting sun has begun to paint the sky in deepening shades of coral pink.

I can’t help worrying about Daisy. It’s the first time I’ve left her since the accident, and although I know she’s fine now and will be enjoying all sorts of fun and games with Bridie at the cottage, my anxiety pinches at my neck and makes my shoulders hunch. I take a breath and sit a little more upright, trying to relax.

‘You look nice,’ Davy says.

‘So do you,’ I reply, settling my napkin in my lap to distract myself from how awkward this exchange sounds.

I look up and he’s smiling at me. ‘You know, I really did enjoy hearing you sing again, on Elspeth’s birthday. Like I was saying on the jetty that day, before Daisy’s accident, if you ever want to do a bit more you’d be welcome. Your new voice suits the old songs.’

‘Thanks. Maybe.’ I don’t admit that it feels an age ago and I think my voice may well have rusted up again.

We pause while the waiter brings us the menu and pours us glasses of water. I gulp mine thankfully.