The Skylark's Secret(25)
I turn towards Bridie, who’s fussing with the teapot, grateful for the distraction, which gives me a moment to blink the tears from my eyes. ‘Just milk, thanks, Bridie.’ Turning back to mop Daisy’s chin with a tissue, I say, ‘It’d all have changed in any case with this one on the way. There are plenty of singers queuing up to step on to the West End stage who aren’t either pregnant or tied down with a baby.’
Bridie settles herself on the sofa, and I get the impression that she’s preparing to launch into a series of questions that would make the Spanish Inquisition look like a cosy fireside chat.
Unexpectedly, though, Elspeth comes to the rescue, tactfully changing the subject and getting me off the hook. ‘You know, there’s a playgroup you could bring Daisy to if you’d like, just me and a couple of other young mums who get together at one another’s houses on a Friday morning. Tomorrow’s my turn to host, so you’d be welcome to come along.’
I shoot her a grateful glance. ‘I’d love that. And I know Daisy would too.’
Jack is busily posting puzzle pieces into the right-shaped holes in a plastic ball with the confidence of familiarity, while Daisy helpfully offers him pieces of Lego by way of her own contribution. He ignores her at first, intent on his work, but eventually gives her a shy smile and takes the proffered block, popping it through one of the holes. Daisy immediately offers him another one and he chuckles, realising that here is a good new game.
‘They’re getting on well, right enough,’ says Elspeth with a smile, and I feel the ice thawing between us a little more. Life may have taken us in different directions for a while, but perhaps those years apart can slide away and our babies bring us back together, rekindling the easy warmth of our own shared childhood.
Later, once the orange squash has been finished and both children have happily slobbered sugar-iced Playbox biscuits down their fronts, we gather up toys, cups and books and prepare to head homewards.
‘Thanks for the lovely tea, Bridie,’ I say, hugging her and meaning it. It’s been a surprisingly enjoyable afternoon after all, in spite of the fact that I’m no further forward in learning anything more of my own family history.
Elspeth and I strap our babies into their pushchairs and stroll a little way along the road together before we take our leave. The children are quiet, worn out with all that socialising, and we walk in silence for a few moments, each lost in our own thoughts. When we reach her gate, stopping to watch the sky as the setting sun begins to edge the clouds with red and gold, I turn to face her and say, ‘I’m sorry about the way we lost touch. When I bumped into you in the shop I wondered if you were angry with me because I left?’
She gazes out across the darkening waters of the loch for a moment, considering. Then she says, ‘No, Lexie, I wasn’t angry that you left. I was angry because you came back.’ She looks me squarely in the eye. ‘You were my hope, you see. The proof that there was a world out there, and it might not have been one I could ever have been part of, but you still linked me to it, even after we lost touch. I kept all your letters and cards. I’ve still got some of the programmes from your shows and that signed ticket stub you sent me after you went up on stage during Godspell and met David Essex.’ She smiles a little sadly. ‘When I saw you in the shop that day, it was like I’d finally lost the link to that other world. Like a door had slammed shut once and for all. Sorry I wasn’t exactly welcoming. I know it must have been hard for you, coming back.’ She reaches across and gives me a brief hug, then she turns Jack’s pushchair and begins to wheel him up the path to the yellow front door.
‘Elspeth?’
She glances back over her shoulder.
‘Thanks.’
She nods, rummaging in her pocket for her key. ‘See you tomorrow.’
As I walk back along the road to Keeper’s Cottage, I find I’m humming softly, almost under my breath. And once Daisy is fed and bathed, I hold her in my arms and sing her a lullaby, to the accompaniment of the shushing of the waves.
‘Hush ye, my bairnie . . .’
While the notes may be cracked and broken in places, it still feels good to use my voice again, watching her rose-gold lashes flutter on her cheeks as I sing my baby daughter to sleep.
Flora, 1940
It was March before there was a day when they were both free that was calm enough for Flora and Alec to pack a picnic and explore some of their childhood haunts. She was just wrapping some corned beef sandwiches in newspaper when his car pulled up at the cottage gate. She watched him cover the path in three loping strides before he caught sight of her through the kitchen window. His face lit up and he gave a jaunty salute as she flung open the front door. She stood on tiptoes, her lips meeting his halfway as he stooped to kiss her.
‘I just need to put my boots on. I’ve got sandwiches and a bottle of water there on the table.’
‘We’ll add them to the hamper. I’ve managed to wangle the use of a tender for a few hours, so we can get out on to the loch. I thought we might take a turn across to Firemore Bay, if you like. The road round is closed off with a checkpoint but we can get to the beach by the water, so long as they don’t take us for invading enemy agents and shoot us!’ Catching sight of her anxious expression he gave her a hug. ‘I’m joking. Don’t worry, I’ve squared it with the officer in charge and got permission to take the boat over.’