The Sister(34)

He was so close to home that a lift now made no difference to him; already soaked from walking in it for so long, he simply didn’t feel the rain anymore. ‘I’m all wet, sir.’

‘Get in,’ he insisted. ‘We have quite a bit of catching up to do.’





The drive took only a matter of minutes and when they arrived outside his house, their polite exchanges extended into deeper conversation. Kirk asked him about his life and how he was getting on, adding, with a grin. ‘Are you still making your way through enemy lines?’

He listened as Miller explained how he suffered from feelings of unworthiness, how they'd undermined him and sapped his will to do anything, so in the end he’d dropped out of his psychology course halfway through.

‘Have you seen anyone about these feelings?’

‘No, not now, originally I did, but stopped before I came into your class at school. I thought you knew all about my background?’

‘I probably did at the time. I’m only human, though, sometimes I forget things other teachers wouldn’t,’ he said, turning off the wipers. ‘So how close were you to completing your course?’

‘This would have been the last year,’ he said.

Kirk shook his head in dismay. ‘You need a purpose in life, something you can do to snap you out of it. Psychology is a fascinating subject. You were sufficiently interested to start, weren’t you?’

Miller nodded. ‘Do you know much about it, sir?’ Although he was tired and wanted his warm bed, he sensed the older man needed to talk.

‘So what happened?’ Kirk asked, turning the engine off. ‘What went wrong for you to lose interest now?’

Miller took a deep breath, and held it a full ten seconds, saying as he exhaled, ‘Everything.’

Kirk listened intently as his former pupil started and then faltered; as he tried explaining how he’d lost the only girl he’d ever loved. ‘Her name was Josie and she put the colour back into my life...’ He fell silent.

‘Tell me about her,’ he said, and rested a hand on Miller’s shoulder.

‘I can’t,’ he looked down at Kirk’s hand. ‘Your hand is cold.’

‘That’s right, and your clothes are saturated. In Tibet, the novice monks go outside, ordered by their master, onto the mountain slopes in the freezing cold, wrapped only in wet sheets. They have two choices. Freeze, or learn to generate Tumo, an intense body heat. Those that do, succeed in drying several of them throughout the night. Quite an achievement, wouldn’t you say?’

‘How do they do it?’ he said, thinking about it.

‘Our minds are gifted with powers we don’t understand. All we need to know is how to tap into them, and that’s not something I can tell you. How did you meet your girlfriend, by the way?’

Strangely, he no longer felt cold. ‘I came across her one night, surrounded by a mob; two girls kicked, punched and pulled her down to her knees just because she was pretty, I guess. She’d fought back, but it was futile, her face had contorted with the pain of each new blow or wrench of her hair. I watched for only a split second before I intervened. I knew I ran the risk of coming under attack myself. I grabbed her hand and pulled her away. A dozen hard-faced youths encircled us; I kept my left arm around her and marched to the edge of the circle as if I couldn’t give a shit. The pack closed in on us...’ he said, his words trailing off.

‘And then what?’ Kirk asked.

‘Someone yelled, “Leave him!” It had come from behind the mob; they dropped their aggressive stances and parted to let us through. I looked closely at them, trying to match the voice to one of the faces, and then I saw Thomas from the boxing club. I nodded in recognition and as I walked past with my arm around the girl, Thomas grunted, “All right.” That was how I met her. We were very happy, right up until the beginning of last month.’

‘Okay-y-y, so what happened last month?’

Kirk felt the muscles tense beneath his hand, but he kept his grip firm and reassuring on the young man’s shoulder. For a second, he thought Miller would clam up again. ‘Take your time,’ he said.

‘She died. She was out with a hen party on their way back from France and fell overboard on the night ferry; although they looked, they never found her body.’ He slumped forwards. ‘That’s it for me now. Everyone I ever get close to, dies. I couldn’t stand the pain, or the thought of going through it again.’ Miller said, darkly.

Kirk lifted his hand from him, perhaps afraid at that moment Miller’s jinx might get him, too. ‘It will take time, boy, believe me. You’ll learn to love again, but first you must rid yourself of that defeatist mentality.’

He sat up straight, angrily demanding, ‘And how do I do that then, Mister Kirk?’

‘It’s just, Kirk, as you well know,’ his former teacher reminded him. ‘How do they dry the sheets on a cold mountain, Miller? Well, I did say I couldn’t tell you, but I'd suggest it is sheer force of will,’ he looked at him, knowingly. ‘You will find a way.’

He opened the window a crack, the sound of the rain came in. Lighting a cigarette, he peered closely at it as if it held a deep secret. ‘I don’t think I'd have smoked if it wasn’t for the war. And if it wasn’t for cigarettes, I don’t think I'd have made it through.’ He drew hard on the filter; the tip glowed and bathed his blunt face with an orange glow. ‘I’m sure I mentioned some of this before.’