The Sister(187)

When her foster mother had come home, she knew something had happened; the guilt showed through in his over-attentiveness and Eilise’s detachment. His threat still inhabited her ears. If you say anything, I’ll kill you and tell them you must have run away.

Soon afterwards, she did exactly that; she ran away for the first time. In her head, they were all dry runs, seeing how far she could get before they caught up with her. It would be another year before she actually got away; carrying everything she needed in two black bin bags including the patchwork jeans, concealing the note she’d use, to get him for what he did.

As for the note, hidden away as it was, it reminded her of her objective. She didn’t know what would happen when she arrived there. The possibility of rejection was a risk, but if she never tried, she’d never know. The one thing she was certain of was that she didn’t want to wake up one day when she was older; when it was maybe too late, thinking; why didn’t I go to my mum’s while I was young, and had a chance for us both to make something of it.





Eilise arrived exhausted and bedraggled, soaked right through. Never in a million years had she imagined her real mother lived in a place like this. She checked the number fixed on the gate, unfastened the catch and walked up the pathway. The double frontage with imposing old leadlight windows was set back among creeping ivy, neatly clipped, but still threatening to take over the last exposed areas of deep red brickwork.

At the door, under an open porch area out of the rain, she raised her hand to grasp the knocker, it reminded her of an antique pistol handle; she drew it back and let it go. The weight of it delivered a resounding bang on the black striking plate. She held her breath without realising while she waited for an answer.

A shape appeared in the bulls-eye window. The face distorted unexpectedly as it leaned forward to peer out, so one eye appeared as if it were looking through a magnifying glass.

‘Who is it?’ said a female voice.

This is going to be a toughie, she thought.





Chapter 147



The moment she’d rehearsed so often was upon her, the many variations practiced played through her head: Hello, Mum, I’m your daughter…Hi, Mum, I was your little girl …I’m the little girl you gave away, all grown up now…

The door opened. All her words were chased away.

‘Can I help you?’ The woman’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. ‘I think you must have knocked at the wrong house.’

‘If you are not Jackie Solomons then you’re right – I’ve knocked at the wrong house, I’m pretty sure you’re Jackie, though,’ she took a deep breath. ‘You gave me up for adoption. I don’t suppose you remember me do you?’

Jackie always knew this time would come. Lost for words, she looked Eilise up and down, taking in the scruffy clothes, the unwashed hair, and her hollow, haunted eyes. The girl on her doorstep didn’t stop looking back over her shoulder.

‘You'd better come in,’ she said. ‘What shall I call you?’

‘Eilise,’ she murmured, almost ashamed. Then she told her everything. A long silence ensued.





For whose benefit did I give you up all those years ago – was it for you? Or did I do it for me? Jackie scoured her conscience. Because she couldn’t face living with the offspring of her rapist, she’d consigned her into the hands of a child abuser. An innocent young girl; she didn’t deserve that. Would things have turned out better if I'd done something different? It was something new to haunt her.

Should I be feeling something for her? Numb, that’s what I feel. She studied Eilise and saw something of herself in those lost eyes. She has my eyes!

Eilise stared at her, and waited for the one thing that might change everything. A tiny crescent lifted the corner of her mouth into a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

She knew Jackie never wanted her. In her heart, she knew nothing would change that, even after all she’d just told her. She’d had to come though, if only to see who'd carried her for nine months until she was ready to enter the world. At least they had that between them. It seemed there was nothing else to say. You shouldn’t have expected anything else, not really. She stood, ready to leave.

‘What are you doing?’ Jackie asked.

‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have come.’

‘Wait, Eilise.’ She wasn’t yet comfortable saying her name. It didn’t roll the way it should from her tongue. ‘There’s something I should tell you.’ The instant she’d said it she regretted it. She’d not even told Tina; she looked for a way out. She had no idea how Tina would react when she finally heard the truth.

‘Come on; follow me upstairs, I’ll run you a bath,’ Jackie said.

On the way up, one of the steps creaked, and Eilise flinched, gasping aloud. Jackie turned. ‘Don’t worry,’ she said, ‘you won’t fall through. I’ll sort you out some clothes for when you come out.’

With Eilise in the bath, she crept downstairs, stepping over the noisy one. She’d been meaning to get it fixed for ages; until Eilise reacted like that, she’d forgotten all about it.

She picked up the phone and rang the police; the girl was underage after all.

The bluesy sound of female vocals started up in the bathroom. Jackie looked up at the ceiling and smiled.