The Sister(169)

Her face contorted as she stifled a yawn, and staggered into the lounge, plonking herself on the sofa. ‘I’m so tired. I need to sleep, but…’

‘But what, what is it?’

‘Miller, will you stay until I wake up?’

He nodded. ‘Of course I will.’ He felt almost as drained as she did.

She allowed herself to tip over to one side, lying down, curling her knees up into her body, her hands and fingers woven together, thumbs to her lips. She closed her eyes and was asleep within seconds.

Poor kid.

He watched over her from where he was sitting. His eyelids felt droopy. He closed them. Listening to her slow, steady breathing lulled him. He slept, too.





With no idea what the time was, he opened first one eye and then the other, guessing from the total lack of sound outside that it must be just before dawn. He looked at his watch; it was 9:30 p.m. You were asleep for three hours. Disorientated, he decided not to wake her, and slowly eased himself away from the cushions. She detected his movement and sat up blinking, her face crumpled at the light. ‘Where are you going?’ she said, stretching her arms wide, yawning.

‘I didn’t mean to wake you, I should get going. I’ve got a busy day tomorrow.’

‘You must think I’m awful, falling asleep like that. I never even offered you a proper drink. Do you want a drink?’

Miller checked his watch again, pleased she seemed brighter. ‘Okay, just a quick one.’

‘Sometimes the quick ones are the best.’ She laughed. ‘I take it you wouldn’t mind Bacardi. I think I drank all the vodka last night.’

She continued speaking to him from the kitchen down the hall; he struggled to hear, so he went to join her there. ‘I’m sorry, you were saying?’

‘I was saying, Ryan left something for you. I’ll get it in a minute.’

‘What is it?’

She touched her nose. ‘I thought I was the impatient one.’ She passed his drink over to him. ‘I assumed you wouldn’t mind it mixed with coke.’

‘No, not at all – cheers.’ They touched glasses.

Miller sipped. It took his breath away. ‘Jesus, Stella, that’s strong!’

‘Oh sorry, must have mixed it up with mine.’ She handed him the other one.

He tasted it cautiously. Even stronger than the first! Returning it with a wry smile, he said, ‘After all you’ve been through, dealing with Ryan dying, I guess you need it more than I do.’

She turned her glass around and looked through it at him; her eye magnified and her face elongated. ‘Things look different when you’ve had a drink. More palatable, I think. Ryan helped me see something; he showed me something. Do you believe in life after death, Miller?’

He considered the question. ‘Yes, I do. There was a time when I didn’t, but now… Yes, I do.’

‘Have you ever lost anyone close, in tragic circumstances, Miller?’

Miller stared hard at her. He already knew she’d read his file. Was she testing him to see how truthful he was on the subject? He decided to tell her about Josie.

‘Stella, I had a girlfriend once. She vanished while at sea on a ferry. They never recovered her body. I’m not sure if it’s relevant now, I’m too close to the heart of things to see properly, but I thought I saw her once, seven years after she disappeared.

‘I was on the tube coming back from Piccadilly Circus. I had a notion I might write a book about the tide of human misery that lurks just out of sight below the mainstream life of the capital. The sex, the drugs, the runaways. I decided there and then I'd always make time for the genuinely needy, to help them track down missing loved ones, for free.

‘Anyway, at around half past seven the train pulled into Russell Square. I was on my way to Finsbury Park, meeting a friend there, and I saw her quite clearly. The shadows were playing up that morning, but I wasn’t on an assignment or anything dangerous, so I thought nothing of it. He paused. She’s read your file, so she knows about the shadows.

‘She was further up the carriage, sitting alone in a gloomy corner. The light above her kept flickering. I got this strong feeling. I can’t explain it, but when I focused properly – it was her. She smiled. Not the way I remember her smiling. Her lips stayed together, but immediately we made eye contact; she turned and rushed straight out of the carriage, just as the doors closed. I thrust my hand between them, activated the auto release and then ran out after her. I wanted an explanation. I called out after her. I wasn’t sure she heard me. She wasn’t actually running, but I had to – or I wouldn’t have kept up. She rushed up the stairs and then outside, always just in sight. I called out after her a couple more times, but she’d disappeared.

‘I was devastated as you can imagine. Convinced she was alive, I stopped off at a café to collect my thoughts. All these questions ran through my head, but mostly – why? Someone came in and started talking to the lady behind the counter. “Have you heard about the fire? There’s been a disaster at Kings Cross station.”’

Stella’s lips parted; she looked stunned.

‘That’s when I knew. All those near misses, more lives than a cat – I had some sort of early warning system working for me. I could still slip on a banana peel and yet I had this radar that would warn me if I were in grave danger. What it is, I can only guess, but after I saw Josie that time...’ He stretched out his fingers and stared into the palm of his hand.