The Simple Wild: A Novel(89)

“You know, that’s what made me introduce myself to her that night. I heard her before I saw her. And then I saw her and I thought, ‘I’ve got to get up the nerve to meet that woman, if it’s the last thing I ever do.’ ” He studies his hands in quiet thought for a moment. “She was probably living up here six months or so when I first noticed I hadn’t heard that laugh in a while.”

“Do you still love her?”

“Oh, kiddo. What your mom and me had . . .” His voice drifts as he shakes his head.

“I know. It was never going to work. It can’t work. It will never work. I get it. But do you still love her?”

He pauses for a long moment. “I’ll always love her. Always. I wish that was enough, but it’s not. For a while there, I believed she’d have a change of heart and fly back. You know, spend a few months with her family and then come back to me, after the thaw.”

“And she was hoping you’d have a change of heart and fly out to us.”

“Yeah. Well . . . like I said, we were never gonna work. I’m glad she found someone who’s good for her. And you.”

“What about you?”

“Hmm?”

“Another woman.”

“Oh.” He hesitates. “I did try once, with someone else who means a lot to me. But we both figured out pretty quick that it’s hard to make things work when another woman is already taking up center stage. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone, to have to compete, and I don’t seem in any rush to move on. I guess marriage just ain’t for me.”

“Are you talking about Agnes?”

“Jeez.” He rubs his eyes and then chuckles. “You really are grilling me tonight, aren’t you?”

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. It’s good that we’re talking about this. It’s important to talk. I wish I had talked more, way back when.” He sighs. “Mabel wasn’t even two, so she doesn’t remember. It wasn’t ever anything official or big. Just some long talks, some ideas that maybe something could be evolving.”

“And then it didn’t?”

My dad’s lips press together in thought. “Agnes is everything I should want in a wife. She’s kind, and funny, and patient. She loves her family, and Alaska. She takes care of me even though I don’t ask her to. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her. She’ll make someone an incredible wife one day.”

I wait for the “but” that I sense hanging in the air. Though I think I’ve already heard it before.

Yeah, well . . . I’m not Susan. That’s what Agnes said my first night. She didn’t sound bitter. More like resigned to the fact.

My dad sighs. “I keep telling her that she should find someone. There’s been interest from other men. But she’s never given them the time of day. I think she’s getting as set in her ways as I am. So . . . we all just keep living like we do.”

“I think it’s nice, the way things work around here. The way you all look out for each other. I mean, Mabel brings you dinner . . . you leave a pot of coffee out for Jonah every morning . . . It’s nice. It’s like family.”

“Yeah, well . . .” He scratches the gray stubble coating his chin. “They are my family.”

“I’m glad to know you have people here who care about you.” Who will take care of you after I’m gone. “And that I got to know them.”

His mouth curves in a thoughtful frown. “Even Jonah?”

“Even him,” I admit reluctantly, adding an eye roll. Jonah, who thankfully seemed to be giving me a wide berth today as he helped my dad and Agnes rework flights after yesterday’s delays, while I hid in a corner with my headphones on, finishing Wild’s “history” page with a picture of my grandparents standing beside the first plane they ever bought.

Pretending I didn’t notice every time he strolled by.

“Well, that’s something.” With a yawn, he shimmies out of his chair and reaches into his vest pocket. “Listen, I’m gonna step outside for a minute and then head to bed after. I’m beat.”

I can’t help but glare at the pack of cigarettes in his hand.

He notices, and sighs. “I’ve been a smoker for over forty years, Calla.”

“And it’s going to kill you if you don’t stop.” A reality that has been there since the moment we met face-to-face in the hallway for the first time, and yet it concerns me that much more now. Probably because I don’t feel like I’m looking at a stranger anymore.

“Doc says it won’t make much of a difference, so why put myself through that.”

“I guess. If that’s what your doctor said.”

He opens his mouth, but then hesitates. “You’re yawning. Go to bed, kiddo.”

I am exhausted after last night’s restless sleep. “Hey, do you think we could start locking the door at night?”

Dad frowns. “Why? Something got you spooked?”

“Besides the neighbor who wants to take hedge clippers to my hair?”

“Is that what Jonah said he’d do?” He chuckles. “He’s not actually going to do that.”

I level him with a knowing look.

“I would never allow him to do that to you,” he corrects, a touch more sternly.