The Silence (Columbia River #2)(29)

But it was her family.

Sort of.

“No,” said Kacey. “You’ll just sit around with the rest of us waiting for information. You must have a ton of work.”

Guilt swamped Ava. She’d only known Kacey for nine months, but the woman had already learned that Ava’s work would always come first. Ava had used the excuse several times when David or Kacey had invited her to San Diego.

Is my work more important than this?

She met Zander’s gaze. He was in the driver’s seat, watching her intently, sympathy in his eyes.

“What do I do?” she mouthed silently at him. Confusion warred with responsibility in her brain.

“What do you want to do?”

That’s no help. She covered her phone’s microphone. “I don’t know. I feel like I should be there for them, but we have a huge case on our hands.” Ray’s face flashed in her mind. She wanted to track down his shooter. “I wouldn’t be able to help the case in Seaside. I’d simply be standing around with the rest of them.”

“You’ve told me a dozen times you don’t feel a connection to this family.”

She had said that. And it was true. Sort of.

What is wrong with me?

“I want to find Ray’s shooter at the moment,” she admitted.

“Since he’s injured and his prognosis is up in the air, that makes sense. You’ve had a tight connection with him for a few years.” Zander gestured at her engagement ring. “Mason is tightly intertwined with the case here too.”

The mention of Mason was the deciding factor. Ava immediately knew she had to stay but didn’t know how to explain it to her grieving half sister.

“Kacey? I’ll get back to you after I call the sheriff and see what information he has so far. That will help me decide if I should be there or not.”

Her excuse was lame, and she cringed as she said it. It focused on the murder, not the family.

“Okay.”

“I’ll call you as soon as I can,” Ava promised. “Oh, Kacey . . . have you heard from Jayne? I thought she might have accepted your invitation to the coast.”

I nearly forgot to ask.

“No. I haven’t heard from her in weeks. She never answered my invitation to join us here.”

“I’m sorry about that, Kacey. She’s . . . Well, you know.”

“I’m learning. You’re two very different people,” Kacey said softly. “Dad really did love you two, you know. He was so happy when he found both of you. He’d always felt a piece of himself was missing.” Quiet crying came through the phone. “Call me when you can.” Kacey ended the call.

Ava slowly lowered her phone. “I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I feel horrible.” She was numb, drained.

I wouldn’t be any help to that family.

My family.

“I’m really sorry, Ava,” said Zander. “I know how confused you are about David and his family, but I also know you hoped for the fairy tale.”

Her fairy tale.

One big happy family. With both a mother and a father.

She turned wet eyes his way. Zander always saw everything. “I did,” she admitted. “It was stupid.”

“No, it wasn’t. It’s absolutely normal for children who never knew their parents to hope they’ll appear in their lives one day and they’ll live happily ever after.”

“I should have tried harder,” Ava said. “I should have accepted all their invitations and sent them Christmas presents. Did you know David sent us a case of expensive Italian red wine and the most beautiful wineglasses I’ve ever seen?” The present had compounded her guilt about holding the family at arm’s length. But not enough to push her into action. “I’m a horrible person.”

“Considering your upbringing and your twin, I’d say you turned out to be an amazing person. You’re driven and caring. You’ve done a lot of good for a lot of people . . . including Jayne.”

“I’m not looking for a pep talk.”

“I know. But I needed to say it.”

Jayne, where the fuck are you? Ava rubbed her temples, feeling overloaded and anxious. Everything was happening at once. A perfect storm.

Ray, David, Jayne.

“Did I ever tell you about the time Jayne told my junior high school crush that I had herpes?” she blurted. The memory had leaped out from behind a door in her mind that Ava kept tightly shut and locked.

Zander shot her an incredulous look. “No, you told me about her sleeping with boys and telling them she was you, and how she stole your driver’s license since she flunked her driving test, and how she threatened to cut herself if you didn’t take a history test for her, and—”

“Got it.” Ava cut him off. Her list of grievances with Jayne was long and painful and didn’t need to be rehashed at the moment.

“What happened with your crush?”

“He went out with Jayne, of course.” She wrinkled her nose. “They had sex. I’ve always hoped he used a condom, because if anyone had herpes, it was Jayne.”

“In junior high?”

“You wouldn’t believe the number of teens—and men—she slept with.”

“Men with a girl in junior high? That’s fucked up. And illegal.” He paused. “She needed mental health care.”