The Shadows (Black Dagger Brotherhood, #13)(195)

Well, yeah, because they had been granted that miracle—which would pay dividends when death tried to separate them.

He thought of Trez and wanted to vomit.

God … the sight of that male mounting that f*cking funeral pyre was a tattoo on his brain.

Abruptly, he dropped his gun and his cloth to his knees. “I’m a horrible person. I’m a really horrible f*cking *.”

Across the way, Mary sniffled again. “What are you talking about?”

He forced himself to resume cleaning, mostly because if he looked her in the eye, he wasn’t going to say it.

Hell, maybe he shouldn’t say it—although he never could keep things from her.

“I, ah … I hated what Trez and Selena went through. The same with Tohr.”

From out of nowhere, he remembered sitting in Manny’s fancy-ass clinical RV and demanding that the doctor save the Chosen.

Like if he just ordered the guy to find a cure it would happen.

Then he had a snapshot of Layla, bundled up outside as the flames had roared into the sky. Pregnant Layla, who was carrying Qhuinn’s twins, for f*ck’s sake.

Who had looked as if she were going to expire from the mourning of her sister’s passing—to the point where Rhage wasn’t the only one worried about her pregnancy, her life, the young.

“I’m an *,” he whispered.

“Talk to me, Rhage.”

“I’m glad that wasn’t us,” he choked out. “As much as I love all of them, and I mourn with them … I’m so f*cking glad I didn’t lose you…”

Tears came to his eyes.

And his shellan came over to him.

As she took his gun and put it aside, and then wrapped her arms around him, murmuring support into his ear, he felt even worse.

It just reminded him of what Trez was never going to have again—

Boom! Boom! Boom!

“Rhage,” V barked from out in the hall. “Trez turned himself in.”

Rhage straightened up and scraped his tears away. “What?”

Moving Mary out of the way, he jumped across to the door and ripped it open. “What the f*ck are you talking about?”

“You heard me—meeting in Wrath’s. Now.”

As the Brother went to run off, Rhage grabbed V’s arm. “Are you sure?”

“The call just came in from the s’Hisbe.”

“Does iAm know?”

That stopped the Brother, and he looked up to the ceiling. “Shit.”

“Are you sure Trez isn’t in the house?”

“No, he’s gone. I checked the security camera feeds. He left his cell phone on the stone steps and disappeared about an hour ago.”

“Holy … shit. Okay, all right…” Except he wasn’t sure if that was true. Maybe there was no war … but what about the Shadows?

Their two Shadows?

“Let me go up and tell iAm,” he heard himself say as he glanced back at Mary.

“Do you want me to come with you?” she said.

“Yeah, I do.”

iAm came awake to two pairs of shoes at eye level. One was a set of shitkickers, big as recliners. The others were Coach sneakers, with the logo in gray and black, and Velcro straps instead of laces.

As he lifted his head, he looked up at Rhage and Mary. “What time is it?”

Mary knelt down, and that was his first clue that whatever message they were delivering was bad, bad news.

Rhage was the one who spoke up, though, “iAm … we got reason to believe your brother has turned himself in.”

The words filtered through his mind on a series of clunks and mis-hits, the combination of nouns and verbs and other things making no sense.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

As he sat up, the bottle he’d been nursing rolled away, knocking into Rhage’s boots.

“We received word from the Territory that the Queen is no longer going to attack because Trez has voluntarily returned to the s’Hisbe—”

“Jesus Christ!”

Jumping to his feet, he shoved through the pair of them and burst into his brother’s room. The bed was messy, and the closet doors were open … and there was absolutely, positively no sign of Trez.

“No—no, we’re supposed to leave!” he shouted at nothing and nobody. “I’m arranging everything! We’re going to leave!”

When he wheeled around, the two were standing in the doorway.

Mary’s voice grew strident, as if she knew damn well he was liable not to follow what she was saying otherwise: “We know you’re going to want to go after him, iAm. But before you do—”

He headed out of the room, prepared to mow them down if he had to, as much as he appreciated their concern.

But Rhage caught his arm and yanked him back. “Let me get you armed first. And Lassiter is going with you. He can be out in the sunshine.”

iAm was about to argue when he thought, Well, duh.

“We’re still prepared to back you up, my man,” the Brother said grimly. “You’re not in this alone.”

For a moment, iAm couldn’t figure out what the guy was saying—and then he realized, Shit. If he went back in there and got Trez out … the Queen was likely to attack Caldwell in retaliation.