The Safe Bet (Hidden Truths #1)(38)

Kate froze. She placed her chopsticks on her paper plate and looked up at him.

“I don’t know what to do. I got out after I was injured because my family begged me not to sign up for another tour of duty, but I feel so guilty about not being more involved. I feel like I could help so much more if I were at least there to assist with the reconnaissance missions. ISIS is getting out of control. Something has to be done.” He stared at his food in a daze.

“But you’ve built a life here. People need you. The veterans need you. You’re helping so many.” She paused for a moment. “And you were shot. I don’t think going back is a good idea.”

“You don’t know me.” His eyes landed back on hers, and he grimaced.

“I know that your sister loves and adores you. She needs you.” She kept her eyes on his.

“A lot of people need me. Our country needs me. At least that’s what the general just said.”

“You don’t need to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders. I know you want to save people, but you can’t save everyone. It’s not your responsibility.”

He looked away from her and rubbed his hand over his clenched jaw. Why had he even said anything to her? He never opened up to anyone, not even his sister. What the hell was wrong with him? “Listen, can we drop it? I’m sorry I got so tense.” He rose to his feet and picked up his almost empty plate.

“Fine,” she snapped. She closed up the containers with leftover food and brought them into the kitchen.

“Wine?” he asked when she entered.

“Um, sure.”

He poured a German Riesling into two large Riedel glasses. He offered her one and leaned against the counter in his usual stance. He pushed one hand into his jeans pocket while bringing the cool, crisp liquid to his mouth with the other.

Kate sat on a nearby barstool, and her eyes scanned the length of him as if assessing his mood. “Should I leave you alone?”

He looked over at Kate, studying her tanned and shapely legs. “No.”

“So, where’d Julia have to go this time?”

Finally, something he could talk about with ease. “L.A. Her flight left this morning.”

“Um, does she know about me being here?”

“I didn’t want to worry her.”

“Good. Thank you.”

He wasn’t exactly itching to tell his sister that Kate was staying at his place. He knew she’d freak.

“So, your friend will be here tomorrow? And the bodyguard, as well?”

“Yeah. The sooner this is over with, the better.”

“I hate to be such a burden. I can stay at a hotel starting tomorrow since I’ll have a bodyguard.”

She had taken his words the wrong way. “No. Hell, no. You’re staying with me.” He walked over and stood in front of her. “I didn’t mean that I wanted to get you out of my house. I want the creep caught, so you’re safe.” He tilted his head and stared into her eyes, which were a little more green today than blue. “Of course, you being here is a challenge for me.” Pure temptation.

“You’re the one who turned me down,” she reminded him.

He touched her face with the back of his hand and set his wine glass down. His heart hammered in his chest as the proximity to her almost filled the void inside him. But she was off limits.

He quickly removed his hand from her cheek and picked up his wine, taking a step back. “So, how about them Yankees?” he echoed her joke from their first dinner together.

“Red Sox, remember?” She raised her eyebrows as her eyes widened. “You never fail to surprise me.” And then her face changed. “Please, don’t go back to the Middle East.”

Instead of responding, he poured more wine into his glass and left the kitchen.

He couldn’t think about the desert right now. The men he’d lost. The people he’d killed.

“Michael, wait. I’m sorry.”

Outside now, he leaned against the railing, looking down at the city sprawled below. So many people were off enjoying their lives, with little idea of how dark the world could really be. He’d be damned if he wasn’t sick of the darkness.

But when he looked at Kate, she was like this bright orb glowing. She was pure. Real. And it scared the hell out of him.

“I don’t want you to get hurt. I may not know you well like you said, but you don’t know me, either, and that hasn’t stopped you from trying to protect me. So why can’t you understand that I want to help you?” she said over his shoulder, her fingers splaying over the center of his back.

“Your life is worth saving. Mine’s not.” It was the truth. The things he’d done—witnessed. There was no forgetting. No redemption. Memories of the fallen would always haunt him—from his friends who’d died to the lives he’d taken. Maybe the people he had killed were enemies of the state, but wasn’t it still murder?

“Why would you think that? Clearly, you’re needed. What good would you be dead?”

He faced her in one quick movement, his hand slipping to her wrist, holding it tight. His jaw strained as the past pulled at him. “I should’ve died in Afghanistan, Kate.” He heaved out a deep breath and released his grip. “Almost my entire platoon died. I shouldn’t have survived,” he said through gritted teeth.