The Roommate Agreement(17)

“Are you telling me,” Jay said around a mouthful of food, “that little girls don’t discover their vaginas when they’re toddlers?”

“Not really,” I said vaguely, picking a bit of tomato out of my sandwich. “The first time I really cared about it was… well, aside from puberty and the perils of becoming a woman, it was when I discovered my clit.”

He choked on his sandwich. “Really?”

“Yeah, and if the past is any indication, I’m still the only one who’s ever found it.”

That didn’t help his choking. It made it worse, actually. He banged his fist against his chest until I leaned over and smacked his back a few times.

“Too much information,” he croaked out, putting the sandwich down and reaching for some water. “Way too much, Shelby.”

“Now you know how it feels,” I said smugly, settling into the corner of the sofa. “I don’t want to know about your penis any more than you want to know about my clitoris.”

Except I kinda did, didn’t I?

Ugh. This roommate thing was not working out. Why had I asked him to sign the tenancy agreement again? This was only making my crush worse, and that really was a problem since I’d seen him at his worst.

Cheeto-dust on his chest, scratching his balls, needing a shower like yesterday kind of worst.

Which meant that my crush was an even bigger problem.

Nobody was attractive while covered in Cheeto-dust.

Take it from me. I’d had enough late-night writing sessions to know that for a fact.

Yet, here I was, still crushing on him.

I needed to move out.

“What are you muttering about?” Jay side-eyed me.

“Nothing,” I said quickly. “There’s too much tomato in this sandwich, that’s all.”

“You’re so picky. Make your own sandwich in the future.”

“I buy you lunch on my meager artist wage, and this is how you repay me?” I sniffed. “That’s the last time I bring you pie when you still need to replace my Oreos.”

“Oh, my God, I told you I forgot!” He turned his bright green eyes on me. “Fine. I’ll go to the store this afternoon and get your damn Oreos, okay?”

“Roommate agreement says you owe interest.” I smirked.

He clicked his tongue and sighed. “I’m going to regret signing this, aren’t I?”

“Hopefully.”

? ? ?

Brie: I think I’m dying.

I raised my eyebrows at the text that popped up on my phone screen. Picking up the phone, I unlocked it and hit the bubble to reply.

Me: Did you just wake up? It’s four in the afternoon!

Brie: No. I woke up, threw up the contents of my stomach, went back to sleep, threw up again, and just woke up from a second nap.

Me: You should have listened to me about drinking water.

Brie: Sorry, Mom. Maybe you should take my drink from me next time.

Me: I tried. You almost threw it over me, so I gave up.

Brie: Ugh. I’m sorry. It was a rough night. Hell, it’s been a rough day.

Me: What happened?

Brie: We fought last night, and he left for the gym without talking to me.

I frowned. They’d been okay all night at the bar after she’d stormed out—what the hell else happened?

Me: I’d call you, but I don’t want to hear you throw up. What happened?

Brie: I might throw up if I have to talk.

Brie: It was stupid. They had this new girl start at the gym, and I knew they’d all exchanged numbers, but she kept texting him all night.

Uh-oh.

Brie: Every time you guys were talking or left us alone, he was on his phone, replying to her. Like he didn’t want to be alone with me or something.

Me: Oh, Brie.

Brie: We got home, and he was texting even when I was trying to unlock the door. Keyholes move when you’re drunk, btw. I confronted him, and we had a huge fight. He slept on the sofa, and that’s it right now. He hasn’t come home yet, he ignored my calls, and won’t answer my texts.

I frowned. He wasn’t even supposed to be in the gym today. I knew that because there was no way either Sean or Jay would drink that late if they had to work the next day.

You couldn’t give someone a personal training session if you were hungover, could you?

Me: Let me ask Jay. He can probably get ahold of him.

I slid my chair out from under my desk, took off my headphones, and pulled open my door. “Jay?”

No answer.

That was a no, then.

Still, I poked my head into the living room and kitchen and gave a cursory glance toward his room. Nothing.

I pulled up the text thread again and detoured to the bathroom. May as well pee while I was up and all that. I told Brie that Jay wasn’t here, but I’d call him and see if he could find him.

It probably wasn’t the most soothing thing I’d ever said to her, but there was a reason I was never an agony aunt for my high school newspaper—or the college one, for that matter.

I wasn’t always the most sympathetic person in the room.

I pushed the bathroom door open and stilled as I slammed into a wall of moist air.

And there, standing in the middle of the bathroom, butt naked, was my best friend.

Jay froze, clutching the towel in his right hand, and my eyes did a quick flick up and down his body of their own accord.