The Right Bear's Arms BBW Paranormal Bear Shifter Romance(10)
Would it be so bad, being the mate of someone like Jake? She tried to picture it, resting her head against the headrest and looking at the clouds passing beneath the plane’s window. Maybe a house somewhere, just the two of them. But no, no it wouldn’t be just the two of them, would it? She saw that lovely little house of her dreams, and saw herself standing on the front porch with a distended belly as she waved goodbye to Jake while he went off to do manly alpha things. Two toddlers clutched at her knees. For an alpha bear, a mate was for babies. Lots of babies. No matter what she might feel for Jake, being his mate would mean the end of the life she’d been trying to make for herself. No more photography, no chance to go to school. Just... endless babies.
Katie sighed and turned her attention back to her book. No matter how much she might wish for it, this wasn’t a fairy tale, and Jake wasn’t a prince who would sweep her away. She’d turned her back on who was years ago, and for a reason.
***
Jake slouched into one bedroom apartment he shared with Rafe, barely bothering to prop his guitar in the corner before heading to the battered, saggy couch to flop down. The bedroom was his, thanks to a little family assistance with the rent, but the bed seemed too far away. Rafe followed, counting the money from the day’s work. Meanwhile Jake sprawled out and stared at the ceiling, letting one arm dangle onto the colorless shag carpet.
“...barely worth going out there,” Rafe was saying. “We didn’t even make fifty bucks.”
Jake made a noncommittal noise.
“I wonder why?” Rafe continued. “I mean, who wouldn’t toss out a buck or two to hear a stirring rendition of ‘All Out of Love’ or that rockin’ old classic, ‘I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry’? People want happy music on their street corners.” He stood over Jake and kicked his foot. “Are you listening to me?”
“Yeah, it was a bad day.” Every day had been a bad day since he last saw Katie. She was gone. She wasn’t answering her cell phone. All he could get Anna to tell him was that she left town. She wouldn’t tell him where Katie went, or if she’d be back. Gone.
“You’re killin’ me, man. If you don’t snap out of this, we’re gonna starve.” Rafe put the cash in the canister in the top cabinet and came back to sit on the coffee table in front of Jake. “I know it sucks. I’m sorry.”
“I chased her away,” Jake said. “I shouldn’t have gone to see her at the diner, I should’ve let her have some space.” He’d gone over it a thousand times. If only.
“As long as you’re not taking it lying down—oh wait.”
Jake grunted.
“Look, you don’t know she’s gone forever, right?” Rafe shoved his knee and Jake fought the urge to growl at him. The bear in him wanted Rafe to just leave him alone to sulk, while Rafe’s wolf wanted to nudge and push and try to comfort.
“I don’t know. What if she is?” Jake snapped. He was overreacting. He’d stopped by Katie’s apartment building to try and leave a note, and the building super said she was out of town. He didn’t say she’d moved. He would’ve said if she’d moved away, wouldn’t he?
“All I’m saying is, it’s been a few days. Which, let’s be honest, is like three times longer than you actually knew her, man. Maybe you should—”
“You don’t understand!” Jake rolled over on the couch facing the back. He knew he was sulking, but damn it, Katie was worth sulking over.
“Okay,” Rafe said, “maybe I don’t. But you’re throwing a fit for nothing. You can find her literally any time you want to.” When Jake didn’t respond, he pushed on. “If you were an alpha—”
“I’m not. And I’m not gonna be,” Jake muttered.
Rafe huffed out his breath. “I’ve stayed quiet for a really long time here, Jake. What is your deal?” From the sound of things, he was pacing. “Do you have any idea what I’d give to be an alpha? Or at least something other than the very bottom rung? I can’t go home because my brothers will tear me to shreds, but you? You can’t go home because you don’t want to grow the hell up.”
“But I—”
“Don’t bother. I know. You’re not ready. It wasn’t supposed to be you. I’ve heard it all. What it all comes down to is you’re either too lazy or too afraid to do what needs doing.”
“I am not!” Jake rolled over and sat up. If he became an alpha, Katie would hate him more than ever. Whatever had happened to her, whoever had hurt her, she blamed alpha bears. In a way, he supposed that was right. An alpha should have kept her safe.
“Then what?”
“She’d hate me if I did!” He leaned over and scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “That’s why. She’s got some kind of wrong idea about how alphas treat kinfolk, I dunno. She hates them.”
Rafe let out a low whistle. “Is that why she left?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
That seemed to stop Rafe cold. At least he got quiet for a few minutes anyway. Jake heaved a sigh and went to their tiny refrigerator and grabbed two cans of beer and handed one to Rafe before flopping down again. They drank in silence.