The Resurrection of Wildflowers (Wildflower #2)(50)

“Hey.” She eyes Thayer behind me but says nothing. She looks pleased though. “I was getting worried about you.”

“I’m sorry.” I reach to push hair behind my ear and realize that it’s all pulled back in a low bun. I let my hand fall awkwardly to my side. It’s not left hanging for long. Thayer entwines our fingers, giving my hand a small squeeze. “I didn’t mean to be late. I just…”

“It’s okay. I get it.”

“Caleb and Seda will be here soon.”

There’s still twenty minutes until the service is set to begin.

“If we need to wait, we will,” Georgia assures me. “Do you want to see her?”

I glance for a second at the open casket. “N-No,” I stutter.

I know for some people it brings them comfort seeing their loved one, but not me. That’s not my mom. That’s a shell. Everything that made that body my mom is gone. Her spirit has left this realm. I hope she’s saying hi to Forrest and carving pumpkins with him. Maybe they’re looking down at us right now while drinking cups of hot chocolate.

“All right.” Georgia doesn’t argue with my choice. “You guys are to sit right there. Caleb and Seda will sit with you.” She points out the spot reserved for us, and I nod gratefully.

My sister knows now all about my past with Thayer, that he’s Seda’s biological father. She wasn’t surprised. She said she never knew for sure, but she had suspected. Apparently I’m way more of an open book than I thought.

Thayer and I take a seat. I blow out a breath, grateful so many people turned out for my mom, but at the same time I’m hoping I don’t have to talk to them. I can’t put on a smile right now and make small talk. I think it’s wrong for people to expect that of those who are grieving. This is all so hard.

Thayer squeezes my hand again, reminding me he’s here.

I love this man so much. And I know, even with the horrible tragedies we’ve gone through, I’d live it all again and again if it meant it led me to him.

When Caleb and Seda finally arrive, she cries out a loud, “Mommy!” when she sees me, diving into my arms.

“My girl.” I hold her tight. She’s getting so big. Soon the days of her saying mommy and letting me hold her like this will pass, becoming nothing but a memory.

She takes a seat between me and Caleb, with Thayer on my other side.

When the service begins, it feels like I’m not even in my body. I’ve checked out. It’s the only way I can deal with this.

And Thayer had to do this for his child. His son.

I hold Seda’s hand a little tighter.

A basic speech is given by some man, I can’t even remember who he is, maybe a preacher, or maybe he works at the funeral home, but then Georgia gets up to speak. I didn’t even know she was going to say anything.

She clears her throat, angling the microphone to her mouth. She shuffles some index cards, nodding like she’s giving a mental pep talk to herself.

“My mom was a wonderful, tough woman. She endured things no person should ever have to. As did my sister and I.” She taps the cards against the podium. “When my father died, she moved us to this town to get away from it all. A fresh start. She’d always dreamed of having something of her own and so she opened her shop. A Checkered Past Antiques was her special place, her calm against the storm. The name of her shop was a reflection of herself, just like many of the things she carried to sell. All beautiful and unique in their own away, a little battered and scarred, but still worthy of love.” She sniffles, wiping beneath her nose. “My mom deserved the world, but the universe is rarely fair. When she got cancer the first time it was hard enough, but the second time around? She’d done everything right, so why was it back?” Georgia sighs, shaking her head. “Even when you do everything right, it can still go incredibly wrong. My mom’s time came all too soon, and even if her past was speckled in darkness, she made the most of things when she got out. She loved us, my sister and me, with every beat of her heart, right until the end. She made us cupcakes, and braided our hair. She tucked us into bed at night with kisses on our foreheads. There was … was a monster who haunted the three of us.” She wipes at tears wetting her cheeks. “She thought she failed us. Thought she wasn’t good enough. But she tried. She tried so many times to protect us, to get us away, and she couldn’t. She was trapped in a marriage to a monster. Many of you don’t know that, but now you do. Now you know that Allison Matthews was a victim of domestic violence, of marital rape, and so much more. But that’s not who she was. She was light. She was happiness. She was love. She was a store owner. A baker. A grandma. Our mother. She might be gone, but she lives on in every beat of our hearts and those of our children.” She pauses, taking a breath to gather herself. “Thank you.”

She returns to her seat, and Michael pulls her into his arms, kissing her forehead.

I know I should probably get up and say something, but I can’t.

Besides, Georgia said it all anyway.

The service comes to an end, and Thayer drives Caleb, Seda, and me to the cemetery for the graveside portion of the service. I feel emotionally drained and exhausted, but I know I have to make it through this part as well. Then I can crash.

At the grave side, it’s only Georgia’s family, Caleb, Seda, Thayer, and me. It seems like such a small amount of people, but I know my mom would only want us here.